by camicia 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
She could just walk away and never be bothered. If she prefers, she can tell two elders she no longer wants to be an unbaptized publisher. That might actually help her see how unloving the members become.
I kind of recommend that she tell them. After seeing how she is treated, she is far less likely to ever want to go to it again.
Does she fully understand that the Watchtower was not selected to be God's sole channel?
Yeah, absolutely.
Thanks for your prompt replies everyone. She's feeling down because she thinks she owes them some explanation and that she's subject to the same scrutiny as a baptized witness. Is being an unbaptized publisher really a big deal? Can she walk without hassle? That's what worries her. Whats the difference between unbaptized publisher and baptized publisher? I would have thought they get the same treatment. Was she ever Watchtower property?
Camica, how sad, she is already feeling the pressure that they are so good at doling out. The difference between baptized and unbaptized publishers is that baptized publishers have, in effect, made a vow to never leave the organization and to follow all of the rules, no matter how often they change, no matter how convoluted they become, no matter what reason tells them. An unbaptized publisher has simply assured the elders (through some questions) that they are not actively doing anything that would get them DF'd if they WERE baptized, so that they don't bring "reproach" on the congregation if they go d2d. They have made no committment. This is a step toward baptism, a kind of learning and testing phase.
This is the time when mainly her bible study conductor teaches her about the "joys" of field service. They do not consider her "approved" by God in any way. As a matter of fact, unbaptized publishers used to be called Approved Associates, but they had this article that changed that, saying that only Jehovah can Approve of someone, and that can only be done through baptism. I remember reading what their take was on the unbaptized and they wrote that prayers from an unbaptized person "remind" god they are there, but they don't yet have a relationship with him. Yes I know, there are millions of holes in this thinking---why pray at all before baptism?---but that's WT speak.
I remember some announcements that "so and so is no longer an unbaptized publisher" and what generally happens is the congregation flocks around them after the meeting to "encourage" them and assure them they haven't given up on them. DF'd ones are met with total silence, so there is a difference.
I'm most sorry that she's feeling the social control. They count on that.
NC
I was an unbaptise publisher,
I felt the love coolin' off because I started out good
but was delayin' baptism
tell you daughter the only one she owes somethin' is herself
and that's to get the heck out of dodge
Just because she stop doesn't mean they won't stop
houndin' her though, don't let them guilt her back in with
" But you were doin' so good "
that's the fake azz "encouragement "
Trust, been doin' even better scince I left
When I became a Witness (in the 80's), if a person was a publisher but not baptized and no longer wanted to be or qualified to be such, it was announced something on the order of ... "so-and-so is no longer an approved associate" ... this was the same death sentence as being disfellowshipped, this is no longer the case.
When the announcement is made ... "so-and-so is no longer an un-baptized publisher" (or "no longer a publisher of the Good News" ... I'm not sure anymore) ... it does not carry the same consequences as disfellowship or the old not an approved associate status. It simply is to inform the congregation that the individual no longer qualifies to be in the ministry and should be thought of as a "worldly" person as far as associating with them. Because of the strict control of the religion, some may not be sure how to treat your daughter and may feel the need to shun her.
... what a nightmare all of this has become (sigh)....
Maybe they will just give up on her, but some JWs may make a concerted effort to get her back in, like a salesman might keep calling on a person who has shown serious interest in the past.
These efforts might include love bombing ("everyone misses you so much") or the opposite -- guilt and fear ("Armageddon is just around the corner. You were doing so well. Don't let Satan sidetrack you now. You are causing other people to stumble", etc.)
Tell her that any of this may happen and ask her to share with you what's going on so you can support her and see if those tactics are being used on her or even getting to her.
In other words, don't let down your guard by assuming that her decision to withdraw is final. Be there to help her and encourage her all the way through this process.
Also, you didn't say why she decided to stop. Some people still believe the teachings but stop because they don't feel they can live up to them or because they don't like some of the local JWs -- the elders, maybe. When that happens, even if they stop attending the can still be pretty messed up, having a distorted view of God and their own perceived inadequacies. In other words, it's often easier to get out of the Watchtower than it is to get the Watchtower out of you.
Make sure you encourage her to talk these things through with you, and help her so she can truly put the WTS behind her.
Camicia:
Whats the difference between unbaptized publisher and baptized publisher? I would have thought they get the same treatment. Was she ever Watchtower property?
No, she isn't Watchtower property. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but (in answer to your question) the difference is that she never got baptized. The baptismal questions constitute an "oath of allegiance" to the Society. Notice how the second oath is worded:
Do you understand that your dedication and baptism identify you as one of Jehovah's Witnesses in association with God's spirit-directed organization?
The above question speaks for itself. Your daughter never swore this oath, so she therefore is not considered one of Jehovah's Witnesses, nor is she liable for any judicial repercussions for leaving. All she needs to do is have a quick chat with one of her elders, either at the hall or over the phone, and tell him that she is no longer interested and will not be pursuing things any further. She doesn't owe them any explanation, and she CERTAINLY won't have any judicial action taken against her, because she is NOT considered one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
You should pass on our congratulations for coming to this realization, which has spared her from many wasted years in servitude to a publishing corporation. You should also tell her that she is extremely lucky that she never got baptized, because this has made things a whole lot easier for her.
Cedars
Good points Ding, and I want to emphasize that you be aware of the emotional manipulation. Your daughter will become the target of car group gossip, and they will actually work on the problem as a group, looking for ways to "touch her heart". If her bible study conductor continues visiting, be sure that she will carefully pick a companion to take along that she thinks will have an impact on your daughter. For instance, as they chat in the car group someone may relay how they too had backed away as an unbaptized publisher, but then something happened---the world was disappointing---they were given an article---some "mature" sister said something that really stuck---a war broke out---whatever, but something happened and they made the DECISION. So they came back more determined than ever. Trust me, the sister will choose THAT person to take along.
That person will tell your daughter that doubts are normal, but it doesn't mean she should throw in the towel. She should make it a matter of prayer, work through it, wait on Jehovah, study more, make spiritual goals etc. They will appeal to her affection---hasn't everyone been so very loving to you? Do you think you could get that in the evil, condemened world?
At this point, everyone at the hall probably still looks pretty much perfect. They are still on guard around her and hiding the uglies. It's a compelling picture--they are always smiling and living by principal---maybe they DO have something special. She won't know about the anxieties, the depression, the unhappy families, the doubts, the broken families--no, no, not yet.
I'm just speaking to you from my heart at this point, because she is almost out, but she's not there yet. It's hard to tell exactly what she is thinking, even if she is talking. It's impossible to tell exactly what aspect of the religion will wheedle it's way through her doubts and reason. They may convince her to simply push past it---and in that way they are encouraging cognitive dissonance even though they don't know it. Your daughter may be holding conflicting opinions that could go either way. On the surface, she is sure this is not the truth. Underneath she sees fairytale lives, and receives a lot of positive reinforcement for saying and doing the right things. She won't be able to teeter between the two for very long, and there is always the danger that she'll choose them.
Keep us updated. Send her here if she'll come. You can get her started with her very own thread. Let us blow the cover off of their fake, plastic smiles.
NC
One other piece of advice. You said that you tried to tell her not to get involved with the WTS but that she had to learn the hard way.
Please be sure NOT to gloat or say, "I told you so" to her. That could drive her back in just to prove you wrong.
JWs warn interested ones that well-meaning friends and relatives will try to dissuade them from studying with the Witnesses and that this is just proof that Satan is at work trying to keep them out of the truth.
So make sure you're coming across to your daughter as supportive rather than controlling. Be sure to look at it from her point of view.
