Forgotten/Unforgotten Friends (page 2)

singsongboi

i was realli messed up mentally and emotionally at the time i was df'ed!

but i kinda realised that i would be df'ed and i fully expected to be, and i guess secretly wanted to be.... so i had enough sense to make some preparations.

the weekend before the final committee meeting was a D-ASS - so i spent the last day saying goodbye to people i cared about -- which, of course, got str8 back to the JC and was brought up at that meeting..

so in a way i got closure on my friendships...

but, it was still a shock to be df'ed....!!! and i spent some time trying to go back, but something inside me was not going to go back into that box!!!

and then i met my chyeboi and the sun started to shine and there were rainbows everywhere -- not to mention the music!!

jesussaves

Kheli,

I understand your pain. I had one very good friend who knew my reasons for drifting away, and tried to understand. It seemed, though, that every time we got in a conversation her JW mentality would irritate me. I remember I made a comment to her about something and she said, "Well, yeah, but your thinking has been altered." Shortly after that we ended our friendship. I felt bad about it because she was disfellowshipped shortly after that. She is reinstated now, but for some reason I feel I should've been there when everyone else was shunning her. I just couldn't get with her judgemental attitude and the labeling of everything I said as 'apostate'. I'm sure if I called her now that she would talk to me, but I don't want to reopen any closed (not necessarily healed) wounds. Kheli, I suggest that you make some new friends, its very unsettling for believing JWs to be around the ones that leave.

VeniceIT

<--- still struggling!!! I have good days and I have bad days. Monday was a very bad day for me with this. I was sooo upset and depressed, yet on Sunday I was talking online about how happy I was now and that I was pretty much over it.

It just comes and goes I guess, but it does get better! The dreams are the worst, esp. when you wake up and realize no they aren't there!!!

Ven

"Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

kheli

singsongboi -

I'm glad you got closure with your friends before the big announcement. I did get to talk to my best friend, before everything was finalized, but I guess I knew things wouldn't be the same. But I do see that there are better things to come...I'm having my first child this summer! Woohoo!

jesussaves -

Thanks for the advice on moving on & making new friends. I'm working on it.

Venice -

I'm sure these feelings I'm having will go away. ("This too shall pass") I just have to try to keep putting things in their proper perspective.

It is certainly unsettling to know that our ties to an organization has proved to be so traumatic for us (at times). This couldn't possibly have been what Christ had in mind for true Christianity.

Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate them very much.

Love and Respect, Kelley

gilwarrior

Well I was in the org for 20 years and I never made one real Witness friend! My sister has told me that people in the KH sometimes ask about me, but no one has ever made the effort to get in touch with me.

I am still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

"I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

William H. Macy - "Magnolia"

Latte

I do think it is good advice to not jump to conclusions (I’m afraid I often do this) Try speaking to your friend, she could well miss you just as much, and would like there to be a ‘middle ground’ where your friendship can continue. (I am at present working on this with my friend)

When I first told my best friend about my doubts etc (her husband is an elder) He telephoned me as soon as he returned home from work and told me quite emotionally, that….. “We love you more than you will ever know”

To this day he has NEVER attempted to ‘snatch me out of the fire’ or him having ‘the spiritual qualifications’ tried to help save me. I told my friend that he is the only elder I would discuss this matter with (as he is actually a v.person) Guess what? they has just left us out here in this ‘awful desolate apostate land!’ (LOL LOL)

Seriously though, one would think that if they really,really believed what they tell people on the ministry, then why doesn’t he try everything to help me back in to the fold, help me and my family ‘get a hold of the real life….everlasting life…soooon??

I guess we all know why don’t we? I must remember thought that they love me more than I’ll ever know….....never know.

Latte

kheli

Talk about irony...I ran into my ex-best friend today. She looked directly at me, but did not acknowledge me in any way.

I feel that I've gotten the "closure" I need.

I'm an "all or nothing" type of person. I refuse to accept being told that she still have feelings for me, when her actions suggest otherwise. She is still bonded to the organization and I know that she believes that she is serving the true God, the true way. I choose to respect her privacy and as a result, I will not contact her again.

If she wants to have a relationship with me, she is fully capable of pursuing that.

Kelley

DanielHaase

Kelley, you seem pretty damn strong. Keep it up; new, amazing people will come along eventually come along. The old friend doens't realize what she's missing...

cellomould

My ex-fiancee told me today via e-mail he did not want me to contact her anymore. I just thought 'wow, what could I have said?'

I believe, however, that she was looking for me to say something 'incriminating' to excuse her from being committed to friendship with me.

Perhaps this relieves me from seeing my care and concern unreturned for so long.

As I know, it was her that was holding me back, not vice-versa. I have avoided telling her that, so now I don't have to. I just wanted to be friends with her, but still at great emotional cost. So I will pay her only a distant respect now.

cellomould

"In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ

Englishman

I had a "best friend" who was a JW. He now lives in Poole, Dorset. We went everywhere together and were like 2 peas in a pod in the way that we thought and acted. He had a tendency towards possesiveness of his girl-friend.

When I was DF'd, he cut me off absolutely. Not a peep, nothing at all. Somewhile ago I thought that I would ring him to see if he was still a JW. It was like talking to an imbecile. In 20 years he had not moved on one iota. He didn't have a thought in his head that wasn't someone else's.

I hear now that his young wife has left him and that he still insists on sitting right behind her in the KH so that she feels uncomfortable. He still hasn't learned to control his jealousy.

Englishman.

Truth exists;only falsehood has to be invented. -Georges Braque

Forgotten/Unforgotten Friends

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