In a funeral... or when the JWs want to show they're different

by hijosdelawatch 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Sulla

  Well, my grandfather died last year. He was, near as I can tell, and atheist. My immediate family are JWs: my father is well known and well connected, while my brother in law is a CO. It's that sort of family.

  Anyhow, the memorial service consisted of a) a friend of Grandfather's delivering a eulogy and b) my father delivering a JW apologetic talk for ~20 minutes, complete with dutiful JWs in attendance flipping to each of the scriptures.

  I'm sensitive to Quendi's cautions regarding the unwholesome habit of over-generalization and I understand the possibility that not every single JW funeral everywhere is a complete disaster. Still, I think my experience might be called typical, since I know the JWs to be such gaping maws of selfishness and pride that, to borrow a phrase, they are the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.

  Seriously, the memorial service for a man who was not a JW, filled with people who are not JWs, turns out to be all about the JWs? Sorry, but I think it's typical.
• 

  Broken Promises

  Re Quendi's experience:

  It was 25 years ago.

  It is possible that JW funerals have changed since then, just as the Borg has changed.

  The first JW funeral I ever attended was my mother's, back in 1981. The elder who gave the talk was a family friend who, along with his wife, sat with my mother in her final days so that my dad had a chance to go home to sleep and shower. He was virtually in tears giving that talk. And the hall was packed.

  Wearing black: I was under the impression that the Borg discouraged JWs from wearing black at a funeral, as it copied "the world". I've seen all colours at funerals, although most tend to wear subdued colours. But then, so do "worldly" aka non-JW people.
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  Giordano

  I've been to four JW Funerals over a period of 20 years.....all close family members who were devout JW's. The only difference I can remember is that some would be eulogized for 5 minutes and some for ten. But then in all cases the info-commercial would start including cherry picking scriptures and of course the story of Lazaras. That left the non witness family staring glazed eyed. After each funeral fewer and fewer non witnesses family would show up. Good job JW's you got your message across!
• 

  Quendi

  I have really appreciated reading the experiences others have had at JW funerals, especially those shared by Anony Mous, Sulla and Broken Promises. They pointed out something I had overlooked: practically all talks nowadays are based on strict outlines issued by the WTS with little room for individual expression. That has not always been the case, but I understand that is the hard reality now. That being so, I can well believe that JW funerals are indeed loveless and sterile affairs with little in the way of comfort and solace for the mourners.

  I have not attended a Witness funeral in eight years or so. I know I will never attend another since that would involve setting foot inside a Kingdom Hall, something I've promised myself not to do again under any circumstances. The remarks and thoughts others have shared illustrate just how strangling this cult has become. It is not content to control aspects of a person's life, but seeks to extend its reach to the grave itself with its company line sermons that are required at Kingdom Hall funerals and memorial services. No wonder non-Witnesses leave such services angry, confused and insulted. No wonder that thoughtful Witnesses find themselves wondering why their feelings and grief were not acknowledged and addressed.

  I remember the time when a funeral/memeoral service was held for the benefit of the survivors of the deceased. That was true even among Jehovah's Witnesses who held to the hope of an earthly resurrection. The pain of the loss was addressed in the talk and the family could count on the emotional support of the congregation. The deceased was properly eulogized and his memory was honored. It seems now that all of that has been flushed down the drain in lieu of turning the occasion into an opportunity to recruit new Witnesses. You can't get more heartless and unsympathetic than that!

  Quendi
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  144001

  I know I will never attend another since that would involve setting foot inside a Kingdom Hall, something I've promised myself not to do again under any circumstances.

  Never say "never." I said the same thing as a young man. Since that time, I've attended to escort my elderly parents to the Memorial. As much as I hate sitting through it, I enjoy making my parents happy. After 3 decades have passed since I was a JW, they know there is no chance that I'm coming back. But they really get excited about the Memorial. It's like the Superbowl to them!

  Last year's memorial had a funny sight in the row in front of me. A girl about 8 - 10 years old was covering her ears as if she didn't want to hear any of it. She did that non-stop throughout the entire Memorial meeting. Her parents were sitting right next to her! I was very, very impressed.
• 

  JRK

  From: <ex-jw.com /.../uploads/2009/07/ jw - funeral - talk - outline .pdf>

  FUNERAL DISCOURSE

  REMARKS REGARDING THE DECEASED (Use any that apply and are appropriate.)

  Details regarding age, birth, when married, and so forth

  By whom the deceased is survived

  Dedication record, including privileges of service

  Exemplary qualities displayed by the deceased (Eccl. 7:1)

  THE HOPE THE DECEASED ENTERTAINED

  Worshiped Jehovah, the God of wisdom, justice, love, power

  Had faith in Jesus Christ (Acts 4:12)

  Appreciated God's purpose regarding earth (Gen. 1:28)

  Sure to be realized (Isa. 11:9; 55:10, 11; Rev. 21:4)

  Why good people die

  Disobedience of Adam (-Gen. 3:19; contrast with Genesis 2:7.)

  Offspring inherited death (Rom. 5:12)

  Condition of the dead

  Soul is mortal (Ezek 18:4, 20)

  Dead are unconscious (Ps. 146:4; Eccl. 3:19; 9:5, 10)

  The resurrection hope

  Made possible by sacrifice of Jesus Christ (Matt. 20:28)

  Christ's resurrection a guarantee (1 Cor. 15:22, 23)

  God uses Jesus to raise the dead (John 5:28, 29)

  For the anointed, resurrection is to heavenly life (1 Cor. 15:51-54; Rev. 20:4, 6)"Other sheep"

  resurrected to life in earthly Paradise (Luke 23:43; John 10:16)Armageddon survivors can

  hope to see the deceased one again soon

  Others too are in line for resurrection (Acts 24:15)

  WHY IT IS GOOD TO GO TO HOUSE OF MOURNING

  Can comfort the bereaved; loss is mutual

  Take to heart uncertainty of life (Ps. 90:12; Eccl. 7:2) Makes us think about how we are using our life

  HOW WE CAN BENEFIT FROM BEING HERE

  While living, make good name with Jehovah God (Eccl. 7:1)

  Lay up treasures in heaven (Matt. 6:19-21)

  One way is to take zealous part in witness work, if qualified (Matt. 24:14; 28:19, 20)

  In this way and by godly conduct, we contribute to sanctification of Jehovah's name (Prov.

  27:11)

  Resurrection hope an incentive to learn and do divine will(l Cor. 15:58)

  (Note: Instead of eulogizing the deceased, use the material in this outline to give a

  fine witness concerning the truth. Good balance should be observed in this regard.

  Doctrinal points can be presented as beliefs of the deceased, which served as

  motivation for him. Purpose of talk is to uphold Jehovah God as a God of love and

  mercy and at the same time bring comfort to the bereaved. Use of a song such as No. 102

  (53) or 187 (93) is optional. A brief prayer at the close is fitting. When arrangement is

  made to go to the grave, it is well to consider quite briefly the hope through the

  Kingdom, reading one or two scriptures, such as Job 14:14, 15 and 1 Corinthians 15:5413-

  57. This service may also be closed with prayer, thanking Jehovah for the resurrection hope,

  which is of great comfort. The talk need not exceed 30 minutes.)
• 

  3rdgen

  Quendi, I''m glad to see you acknowledge the possibility that your experiences with WT$ memorials/funerials might not be typical. I was born in 60 yrs ago and only left recently. During those years I have attended literally dozens of these occasions. More than 10 were family members. Of these, only TWO were not infomercials.

  One was my fathers in 1969 and was delivered by his best friend who spent at least half the time talking about my dad. My mother criticised the talk and said the speaker Euligised him. I didn't even know what the word meant but I could tell in her mind it was BAD.

  The second was the brother of my stepfather (moms 2ond husband) about 11 0r 12 years ago. Again, the speaker wove the entire outline around the deceaced. He spent at least 15 minutes reading cards that moms BIL had recieved from people thanking him for his kindness, generousity and hospitality. He went into detail of his unique hobies, talents and those he touched. There wasn't a dry eye in the room yet it felt wonderful to REALLY remember and celebrate him.

  My point is this: Two out of dozens is the EXCEPTION. not the rule. The WT$ views a memorial like a birthday. They reason that there is danger of giving undue attention to the loved one rather than their message. You could substitute the name of the deceased and the talks virtually all sound the same. There is no comfort in that and like you, I will never set foot in a KH again.
• 

  hijosdelawatch

  The problem is that some brothers NEED to feel different.

  It's true, it only happends some times (fortunately) but the problem is that the Borg want to alienate JWs from their native culture and traditions. Are all traditions bad or even satanic? I don't think so.

  In fact, it's so fanatical to take advantage of someone's death to preach that I have no other word to describe it.