"Disobedience is very costly"

by TOTH 32 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TOTH
    TOTH

    WOW, I had some words with my father in law. Over the years I have always had such a profound respect for him because he used to speak from the heart and used the Bible to express his view, but lately he has become more and more "WT-ish" with his comments.

    My wife has been suffering from severe pain for years due to injuries suffered at the hands of her 1st husband. He was never baptized as a jw but came from uber jw stock and was an "approved associate" at the time they married. Well, as the wedding drew near my wife's dad decided that her marrying this doosh was not a good idea and he tried to break them up. He went so far as to beat her severely with a belt all over every inch of her body. But she loved the guy and refused.

    Things went very badly for her and suffered many beatings and humiliations at this guy's hands. Eventually she escaped with her life and returned to the meetings only to be disfellowshpped a short time later. They typical shunning by family ensued and she succumbed to the presure and returned and was reinstated. Now I suppose this was good because I was "IN" at that time, met her and fell in love with her and we were married. As time went on we discovered that we both felt the same about the wt being utterly full of bs and we decided to fade instead of outright leaving to spare her the wrath of her family.

    In the 22 years we have been together her condition has become worse. She needs lots of pain medication and we recently discovered that the situation will continue because her doctors say that any invasive procedures will do more harm than good. Anyway, her dad asked me how she is doing. REALLY doing. So i told him the same thing. She is in lots of pain and suffers a lot. He then went into this condescending and self serving rant about how this is all her fault. "Disobedience is very costly..." He said that HE was opposed to her marrying the 1st husband but NOOO she had to disobey and marry him anyway. Jehovah through the wt is wise in telling us to obey our father and mother blah blah blah and that if she suffers, she suffers justly. He had told her this very thing a few days before!

    W O W !!

    I got pretty irate with him but was desperately trying to find a way not to just explode on him and Eff Up everything and cause her even more hurt by me disrespecting the father she loves so dearly. So i thought it over then said that I was surprised that he would take that position, being that when she got married IN the kingdom hall that he did not stand and give just cause why she and that man should not be wed. On the contrary not only did he GIVE HER AWAY but he danced until late in the night at her wedding. He just looked at me.... Then I said that I suppose he suffers all of his maladies justly. He is in constant pain because he broke his neck not on the job or out in field service or rescuing a bus load of orphans as the bus careened out of control. No, he broke his neck showing off how high he could jump from a swing and landed on his head. Using his line of thinking, then HE also suffered because of his own disobedient and reckless ways and should be shown no sympathy at all. And he does go on to everyone about how much he suffers too....My youngest son says that his grandpa is a bit of a MARTYR. He steers every single conversation to how bad off he is and by the way...Have you got any Vicodin I can have?

    Well, my poor wife cried on my shoulder again last night about how shitty her dad has been lately. He just did the same thing to her about her son from the first marriage. The kid is 27 and suffers from schizophrenia. He hears voices and is currently in a phase where all he wants to do is "Walk Around". He is homeless and very happy. When she asked her dad for advice he said that since the kid had stopped going to meetings that the devil possessed him. When she said that he is mentally ill, he said that there is no such thing as mental illness. All crazy people are possessed by demons. That broke her heart....

    I am feeling like the best thing to do is just back away from that whole side of the family. I wish we had the money on hand to just pick up and go, but as it is we are stuck in this podunk little town right across the street from her dad and his stupid pioneering and abusive to him wife.

    Thanks for letting me vent....

    Larry...AKA Tired of the Hypocrisy

  • Tater-T
    Tater-T

    Dude !! I feel your pain ... they are a vile bunch who say they have love among themselves.. freaking brutal.. I did not know they really believe there is no mental illness.. WOW

    Good luck dude..

    L8R T8R

  • baltar447
    baltar447

    OMFG. People STILL believe that shit?

  • Yan Bibiyan
    Yan Bibiyan

    What a dick!

  • Violia
    Violia

    I once had a sister tell me that I had my hysterectomy due to my what she thought was my " immorality". She really knew noting, just gossip. I said to her " I guess you had to have an hysterectomy due to all your immorality?" she said " how dare you" I said " how dare you!". I see you sort of took this tactic with your FIL but understand fully your need to walk on egg shells.

    One thing that came to mind reading your post is it sounds like to me that your wife had a lot of childhood abuse and if you can get her in therapy perhaps she can explore this, Her father may not be toxic but he sounds like it. I grew up with some hardliners myself and know about the tough love they believe in. Also, no offense, but perhaps the wife is a bit of a princess ?

    Yes mental illness is not demons, but older JWS and some other religions still think so. Is this a son from the first marriage? Did his father abuse him? There is so much more to be explored here but I like the way you think. I like that you are on your wifes side.

    oh and welcome to the board.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    You handled him pretty well. I probably would have been a total as$ and told him that maybe she wouldn't have married that abusive jerk if she wasn't so desperate to get out from under her terrible father's roof.

  • DilemmaGF
    DilemmaGF

    OMG!! Do they even teach about forgiveness in the congregation? ... and unconditional love? How about "do not judge?". So-called act of love!!!

  • tec
    tec

    You handled him pretty well. I probably would have been a total as$ and told him that maybe she wouldn't have married that abusive jerk if she wasn't so desperate to get out from under her terrible father's roof.

    I was thinking that also, since his way to deal with her doing something he disapproved of was to beat her.

    I think you handled him very well. Tossing his 'judgment' of her back on him like that. Well done. Unfortunately, it seems like he didn't pay it any heed. Keep giving your wife strength and support. And welcome to the board.

    Peace,

    Tammy

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    Don't stay "stuck in a podunk little town." See if you can take classes in a Tech school or online in a University to better your earning potential and just feel a bit elevated from your environment. Knowledge is freeing.

    There was a sign in a place I used to work. A circle had the words "bang head here." You might as well do this if you think the man is going to change.

  • TOTH
    TOTH

    Is this a son from the first marriage? Did his father abuse him?

    Yes he is my step son but was spared being exposed to that ass. Unfortuantely his older sister was not and both kids are schizophrenic.

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