by stuckinamovement 42 Replies latest jw friends
Once you realized the organization is simply a religious corporation, how did you leave?
Did you fade?
Were you forced out?
How did you adjust to life on the outside?
Do you still have social or family connections within the organization?
What did you do to supplant the lost friends, routine, and sense of purpose?
Your experiences are appreciated.
SIAM
Fading...will have to get back to you about the rest
Twisty
Did you fade?
Yes. I have a JW wife (and in-laws) and a JW mother. I faded primarily for my mother who said she would have to follow the shunning rules if I DA'ed or was DF'ed. She probably actually would not do it, but it certainly would create problems, so I faded.
I resigned as an elder, writing my letter that said I didn't truly "know" the faithful and discrete slave as well as a bunch of quotes from WT said I should, so I had to resign. My way of pushing the elders back is tailored to me. Most people drop responsibilities and cut back on stuff saying they are "depressed." Well, they pretty much assumed I was depressed and knew too much details about JW's and they have stayed away. I didn't do it, but being needy will also keep them away much of the time.
How did you adjust to life on the outside?
We were not in a cult like the ones where they live in communes. We have outside connections already. I got closer to non-JW family and confided in co-workers and reached out to people nearby in the ex-JW community.
Do you still have social or family connections within the organization?
Just family. They try to curb their conversations around me, especially the in-laws, but things have not really suffered with family. I still have regular contact with my mother.
What did you do to supplant the lost friends, routine, and sense of purpose?
I mentioned already, non-JW family, co-workers, ex-JW's. Routine- you suddenly have time every week. I have tried to enjoy it, seek peace. I go on bike rides or long walks, I will see a movie by myself when the wife is involved with the JW stuff.
The sense of purpose, I am still working to balance that. But it will settle down to fixing up the house to make for a better retirement. I have learned that this life really is all that there is, so enjoy what you can.
Fade, ...but if I had no familly to worry about then I would DA.
I'm still working on the other things you wanted..
I walked away from a circuit assembly and never went back; no funerals and no memorials either; no phone calls, ignored drop bys and tossed any mail (no one had my e-mail). Once someone tried calling me at work but I just deleted the call.
If I see someone, I do say hi and just keep walking.
I just stopped going without fading.
I adjusted to life outside without much trouble. It was a relief, really. I wasn't raised in it and already knew that many so-called "worldly people" were better human beings than many of the JWs I had known. The only trouble I had came from JWs.
I am married to a JW. Almost everyone in her very large family are JWs. So that's fun.
I more or less went back to life as it had been before the KH. Only I was free to have more and better friends than I had at the KH.
Once you realized the organization is simply a religious corporation, how did you leave?
Faded.
Did you fade?
Yes - over a long period (years) with gradual reduction in activity
Were you forced out?
In the end yes - complicated (PM me for more detail if you want)
How did you adjust to life on the outside?
I had already built something of a life outside
Do you still have social or family connections within the organization?
Family yes
What did you do to supplant the lost friends, routine, and sense of purpose?
I don't have the time to miss any of that
I was fed up with the organization for quite sometime before I made the final decision to leave . I started planning my exit though . First I began making friendships with the people I worked with so I would have some support . I also started looking into the internet websites I had always been scared to look at before ...mainly this one . I lurked for a while then started posting so I could have people to vent to about my situation . It gave me much needed courage .
I stopped going in field service first . I just could not be two faced ,telling people at the door one thing while actually feeling the opposite . Then I began missing the book study ,really didn't like some of the people there and was tired of putting up a false pretense . I stayed long enough to give a scheduled talk ,and to fulfill a booked Wedding shoot I had promised for a young Witness couple .
The very next Sunday after that was over ,I just told my husband during the public talk that I wanted to go home . Once we were home I told him I no longer would be attending meetings that I was done . It was quite a shock to him ,and looking back now that is the only thing I would have done differently . I should have eased him into the idea and shared more of my doubts earlier . To his credit though he stopped going to meeting the day I did ...he just did not want to go alone . Our youngest son was starting to miss meetings already and was more than happy to stop all together . Our two oldest children lived on their own and were both still active . Slowly over about two yrs they also quit going for their own reasons . I did not try to influence them ,but I did share how unhappy I had been and why I felt better .
We had been in this same congregation over 30 yrs . None of the Elders called to see what was wrong . Not until over three yrs later did they show up to my door ,because of winter decorations on my porch . They started out with 'Oh we miss you ' , but I reminded them how LONG it had been and that I did not feel they had any right to intrude into my personal life . They then started calling incessantly and stopping by unannounced trying to ask me questions about holidays and Youtube videos I had viewed (guess my youtube account setting was not on private and someone narced about my viewing habits ) So I let them know in no uncertain terms my life was NO longer any of their business .Sent a registered letter to cease and desist all harassment and filed copies with the Police department . When they sent me a JC invitation the Police called the Elder and explained more clearly what cease/desist means ......sense then I have heard not one word Which is all I wanted .... I don't know if any announcement has ever been made at the hall ,most Witnesses avoid me so I can assume there was ,or at least enough gossip . The JW in laws call once a year ,but my husbands Elder brother and family shun us completely ,as does one of my brothers and his family .
Now I openly decorate for Christmas ,vote , attend parties ect....basically live my own life .
Did you fade? No
Were you forced out? Yes, after being away for a considerable time I wrote to the body of elders to let them know my ex husband had grounds to remarry (I really wanted him to meet someone and remarry-which he did). They set up numerous committee meetings, which I never attended, so they DF'ed me.
How did you adjust to life on the outside? I love people, it was easy
Do you still have social or family connections within the organization? My parents are 3rd generation witnesses - but they still talk to me.
What did you do to supplant the lost friends, routine, and sense of purpose? I never really felt like I lost friends. My social life is way bigger than it ever was as a JW. I do feel the need to connect with ex-JWs. Thanks to this site I have been able to make some close friendships here in my area.
Born in, I sort of faded. I moved across the country at 19, thousands of miles away from JW friends and relatives. But, I made the terrible mistake of going back to the KH at my new location for several years, before I just couldn't take it anymore (long, long story). I was unmarried, and had no other friends or relatives here and had to start all over again from zero, reinventing my life. It was hard (I was 24 yo by that time) but I knew I had to do it.
One local elder came and visited me twice a few months after I stopped going to the KH. His argument was "If you don't come back, you'll die at the big A" (paraphrased). I told him if that was the only good reason to come back, I would rather die than return for purely selfish reasons...to save my own skin. He didn't know how to answer that one.
That was way back in 1982, and I haven't been back since. Mom and all my relatives on her side of the family are JW's, so I still have to hear the brainwashing crap from time to time on the phone, but I manage to get past it. If JWs show up at my door, I just don't answer it. I have come to easily recognize the "JW shuffle" and know when they are walking down the street, so I just stay inside the house until they leave. If they leave litteratrash on my door, I just throw it away after they're goine.
I long for the day when I never have to hear about this destructive religion again.
