sorry, I am being silly through drinking too much wine. I'm depressed but not that bad!
Shy JW at the door ... the pain of it
by MrMonroe 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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palmtree67
OK, good.
You scared me.
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Quentin
Never gave much thought to anyone being shy, or uncomfortable going house to house. I'm one of those that knocking doors never bothered me...nor giving talks...there was a time when I came to dislike fs. Don't know if it holds true today, but in the late sixties the society decided we no longer needed to work doors in pairs, could cover more territory if we went single. That's when I lost interest in going door to door. Also realized around this time that fs was ineffective drudge work.
The only time I can remember being embarrassed was knocking on a door, when it opened there was my 7th grade English teacher...: Quentin, what are you doing here? Me: um-er...humina, humina, humina, well um, er..... . Most of my peers and teacher's never knew I was a jw...Spent the rest of field time sticking wt/awakes and tracts in doors.
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steve2
Shy JWs are caught between Jehovah and Satan . Door knocking has got to be one of the most anxiety-provoking requirements for shy people. Yet, if the don't, the blood of their neighbors is on their shoulders. I was a born-in - yet there were days I was simply absolutely terrified of going out door-knocking, but also terrified of being responsibile for failing to go out and warn people.
Looking back, my life as a JW was an incredibly painful one. There was no relief whether I went out door-knocking or stayed home. Okay, it got marginally less difficult as I became older but for so many of us born-ins, it remains a peculiarly inescapable torture: Go out door-knocking and face the continual prospect of red-facedly meeting people you know; don't go out and you're made to feel very guilty.
I have lots of empathy for young ones going door to door - but truth be told, I see fewer and fewer young ones door-knocking. On the few occasions I see the JWs shuffling alone the street, they're mainly older adults. I don't feel so sorry for them. I should imagine that the bulk of inidividuals who are terrified of the door-to-door work eventually leave or suffer stress-related health issues that provide convenient excuses for not going out.
What a miserable life either way!
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Quendi
Time for me to strike a different note on this topic. I want to say up front that my experiences and attitude don't fit the profile presented here. You see, I was one of those Witnesses who not only liked field service, but was also very, very good at it. I have the natural ability to talk to just about anybody. Sure, I was nervous at the first door, but that quickly vanished and before long I was having a great time talking to householders.
I worked all kinds of territory. I was equally at home working urban territory in California and mountainous rural territory in Colorado. I could talk to people of different ethnic extractions. Their political and religious persuasions were no barrier either. And I was quite good at engaging householders in fruitful, interesting conversations where there were real exchanges and interchanges.
So for me, field service wasn't "unnatural" or "stressful". That doesn't mean I didn't have bad experiences or days when I would rather have been doing something else. It's just that to say that all JWs hate this aspect of the religion is simply not true. Some of us actually liked it and got a great deal out of it. I was definitely one of those people.
At the same time, I worked with a great many who hated the work and were horrible at it. Some were never going to be good no matter how much training and practice they received. They don't have the natural ability for it and won't develop it no matter how hard they try. The Society tells them that holy spirit will help them, but I am a firm believer in the old adage that you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Besides, holy spirit is no more backing up the field service work than it is the building a basketball court.
The field service is like so many other aspects of life. With hard work, some can attain a level of skill and competency at it that is quite good. Some, like myself, take to it like a duck to water because we have the natural inborn ability that is enhanced by the training given in the Theocratic Ministry School and the weekly Service Meeting. You see the same thing with another aspect of Witness life: public speaking. That was another area where I excelled in large part due to natural ability. But we all know that most Witnesses are poor speakers and always will be no matter how many schools they attend or talks they give. I'm now out of the organization, but the training and experience I got while a Witness in public speaking and teaching has served me well down to this day.
So while it's good to share our experience we want to avoid saying that ours is the universal one. There are exceptions, even if those exceptions are uncommon or very rare. Let's keep that in mind when we address topics like this one.
Quendi
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shepherd
" That was another area where I excelled in large part due to natural ability. "
I'm unable to agree that you necessarily have any more talent than anyone else. What I draw from your words is your self-confidence and ego. You probably did not care what the householder's negative reaction might have been, or did not take it personally and you probably enjoyed the attention when you were on the platform.
I hated the door to door activities. Yet for some reason I pioneered for years and others said I was good at it. However, I still felt a tightening fear between each door that I was never able to get rid of, and I don't miss it for a moment.
The topic was about being shy. Posters were not saying this was a universal experience, so your 'we' style preachy last paragraph was not needed. Perhaps you still miss it...
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Quendi
Yours is an interesting reply, shepherd, seeing that we have never worked together in the field service and never will. So you have no idea what my circumstances were. Just to set matters straight, I enjoyed field service because I really cared about the people I met and I earnestly believed the message I brought to their doors, presumptious assumptions and statements like yours notwithstanding. So it was never a matter of not respecting another's opinion as you said. Quite the contrary, I took everything the householders said into account and sought common ground with the people I spoke to.
As for my experience as a speaker, I never gave an instruction talk or a public talk in my more than thirty years in the organization. I only gave Bible readings and number 4 talks on the TMS, so the attention you imply that I craved came only infrequently. The natural ability I have was recognized by people other than Witnesses, people whose assessments were objective. And whether you want to admit it or not, speaking ability is a gift that some of us have in greater abundance than other people just like any other ability.
I also pioneered and enjoyed it as well. You say you hated door to door work, so no wonder you felt fear and never succeeded in getting rid of it. While I recognize your experience, it was your own, not mine. Similarly, the emotions and lack of confidence you felt and suffered were your own. As I said at the close of my experience, we should not presume to speak for others as you just now have. Your statement is flawed and colored by your experience and life as a Witness; and that has unfortunately led you to conclusions that are incorrect.
Quendi
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shepherd
I base my comments on what you have said here. In my view, even your choice of a large bold font is a reflection of an inflated ego.
We are all different, and you enjoyed it. That's fine. However it does not necessarily mean those who hated it had less talent than you. Just less self-confidence. That was my point, and I stand by it.
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steve2
Quendi, I wouldn't dare argue with you: Your experience is valid in and of itself.
Having said that, my experience and my observations, including hearing what younger JWs were themselves saying is that many wintesses were very anxious when going door-to-door. Of course, it goes without saying that was not a universal experience. As I said in my post, as I got older, I found door-to-door work less personally stressful.
Your love of the door-to-door work reminds me of quite a few JWs I enjoyed working with: Their approach to the work emboldened me over time - but, to be frank, it continued to be an anxiety-provoking experience for me and many of the younger witnesses in my region.
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afreeman
It's not so much shyness but a feeling of being unwelcome
You nailed it.