My reason for having wanted to be Appointed is this: I love people, and I want to encourage my Brothers and Sisters to do their personal best, as I know they are. Thats it. I have no desire for authority or position, and I find people that are position minded extremely difficult to deal with and to be around.
CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE
by jojojunfan 39 Replies latest jw friends
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baltar447
Thanks for the response. I felt the same way, and was well liked by all (well, most all, but that is another story), yet with a young family with ALOT of special needs I just could never break into 10h pub territory so I was also overlooked. It would get to me too.
What you may be coming to realize is that being appointed is NOT about a truly "spiritual" person. It's about metrics and how well you suck up to people. When spirirtuality is counted by numbers, something is seriously wrong.
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mrsjones5
"The " issue" is the never ending cycle of guilt when every six months the C.O comes around and I feel horrible about myself."
Thank you for clarifying jojo. There's folks here who know intimately what you're going through and I'm glad you came here for the support and wisdom they can supply you.
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ScenicViewer
I love people, and I want to encourage my Brothers and Sisters to do their personal best...I have no desire for authority or position...
That is a wonderful place to be. You can be encouraging to your Bros and Sis without title, position, or office. Having no desire for authority or position will make you more effective than if you had the desire for prominence. Why? I believe you have answered that...
I find people that are position minded extremely difficult to deal with and to be around.
People will appreciate you much more without the negative attitudes that you yourself see in others. Most men in JW positions of responsibility are position minded, they lack humility, and they will only go by the letter of the law....the law being whatever the Society says whether it is kind, loving, shows fellow feeling, and is Scriptural or not.
You appear to have true humility and can see problems within the Organization, at least to some extent. If you are reading Franz' book(s) you will get to know many things that are wrong with Watchtower.
Perhaps your desires to help people could be applied by helping JWs to see that the Watchtower is not 'God's spirit directed organization on earth' as it claims to be.
Continue learning about the Organization by putting it to the test, read about the problems others see in it, learn it's true history. Don't ignore issues that raise serious questions. In time, you will see what you should be doing.
You are at a cross roads.
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ScenicViewer
The " issue" is the never ending cycle of guilt when every six months the C.O comes around and I feel horrible about myself.
It's designed that way. In the Organization you will never really feel good about yourself. If you become a ministerial servant you will be made to feel guilty because you aren't doing enough, because you aren't an elder, because you aren't spending enough time with your family, because you aren't going in feild service enough, etc.
If you become an elder you will feel guilty for other reasons too. It doesn't end.
This is one trade mark of a cult. (Unfortunately Watchtower has several cult-like characteristics about it.) Working in the interests of Jesus and Jehovah should bring contentment, but working for Watchtower will bring feelings that you are never doing enough. That is one of the key things that clue many people in that the Organization doesn't represent the Truth, as it claims.
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jojojunfan
Thank you, everyone. I feel better already. I have felt like i have been on " crazy pills " for so long. For awhile i have had an extremely strong feeling that there is war going on within the " organization ". Something is going on.... I am glad that I have chosen to read the BIBLE daily, and I can definately see marked differences in the " flavor " of articles in The Watchtower. Also, I just dont feel the " generation " issue is accurate at all. Of course, I am only free to speak here.
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ScenicViewer
...I am only free to speak here.
Another mark of a cult. No matter how little sense a teaching makes....for example the generation issue, as you point out....you are not allowed to voice your feelings in the Watchtower. You are only permitted to accept it all, regardless of how silly some of it may be.
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diamondiiz
Welcome, JOJO
What you are experiencing is the reality of what wts does to people. They make people believe that they aren't good enough and they don't do enough, they indoctrinate people into feeling guilt and fear. Many people go through depression but people within watchtower experience more than usual and it is apparent that many jws unfortunately go as far as suicide due to these feelings.
Many of us who were true believers and began to awaken to the reality of what watchtower is felt what you do and believe me, it takes time to get past the feeling of guilt and fear and move on with your life from living a dream to living a normal healthy life that's not influenced by imaginary teachings of men. Things will get better if you continue to research and use your thinking abilities to distinguish BS from the real truth.
Ray Franz gave a good glimpse into the way Governing Body operate. Do yourself a favor and research the detailed history of the watchtower and then the bible and see what the archeology and history reveals regarding what you read. You can always stop the research whenever you want but many do explore the whole religious issue once they are comfortable with the reality that watchtower has deceived them. As I've said earlier, your journey can last a while, and your feelings may get the better of you at times. Be patient and do the research at your pace depending how much you can absorb without major depression setting in.
If your father began to study, maybe give him Ray's Franz' Crisis of Conscience book to read if you have it. Maybe you both can do the research together. But you are right about not being able to talk to others about what you're thinking regards to wts and doctrine as any hint of opposing Governing Body will get you possibly disfellowshipped for apostasy! Many are trapped within this organization with fear of losing contact with family members. Check out jwfacts.com as it has many good watchtower quotes, flip flops, doctrinal changes and scandals that 99% of witnesses aren't aware. Make sure you get evidence to support what others say about wts. I would suggest you also examine the BITE model which describes cults and the effect it has on cult members. You may also find it interesting to see how watchtower misquotes others and uses partial information to support their writings.
If you have any questions in finding research material, just ask. All of watchtower publications are in pdf formats and available, many court documents and other newsprints are scanned and available for those wanting research. You don't have to be afraid to ask anything here as many will try to honestly help you with your answers, just remember that majority of us have moved past your stage of discovery. All the best.
ps. You may want to compare NWT with other bibles as NWT has some added material to suit their own doctrine.
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cantleave
Welcome JoJo - I was an appointed man for 2 decades and anelder for a number of years. Being an elder woke me up to the fact that the Watch Tower Society is a cult corrupt from the top down!
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LostGeneration
There are many other families hurt by this 10 hr rule. By the way this " guideline was announced at a Meeting to encourage Brothers to reach out.
I would like to hear more on exactly what was announced if you don't mind. Were they saying "Nobody gets appointed that doesn't average 10 hours a month?" The logical comeback to this is 1.) Where in the world is this in the bible? and 2.) The national average is not printed anymore in the KM, so how is a brother supposted to know how well he is doing?
I have a sneaky suspicion that they stopped printing the "average" simply because it was slipping down toward 7 or 8 hrs a month, and the powers above did not want to lower the bar that much when making appointments.
Anyway, if you are already reading ISOCF with an open mind, I cannot see you staying long in any sort of Organization, let alone a highly controlling one like the Watchtower.