Is my marriage worth saving?

by sacdfan 66 Replies latest social relationships

djeggnog

@Ucantnome:
No I don't think I was off topic.
Ok.
@its_me! wrote:
And please ignore Jdeggnog's insensitive and asinine comments.
@djeggnog wrote:
I don't believe any of the comments I made here to the OP were either insensitive or asinine.
@its_me! wrote:
If he likes the Borg so much, he really shouldn't be on this site anyway.
@djeggnog wrote:
You have the right ... to share your opinion, but I don't give you the right to dictate what things I decide to do, whether here on JWN or elsewhere. Why do I have to like what things you like? You are apathetic about your life and certain people, and I simply cannot afford to be you. @Simon decides who may be a member on here and who may not be, not you. Actually, I've discovered quite a few nominal Christians that exchange posts here on JWN, who have never been Jehovah's Witnesses, so I see no reason why it is you feel Jehovah's Witnesses should not be permitted to post messages here unless (1) you are an apostate, and (2) you believe JWN to be an apostate-only website. Until @Simon should make JWN strictly an apostate-only website, you're going to have to accept the fact that I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses that posts messages here.
@its_me! wrote:
Apathetic about my life?
Possibly, yes. It does seem to me that you have a lack of interest in your life, in your future, so apathy aptly describes what you said here.
What makes you think that you are in a position to make that obviously WRONG assumption[?]
I have lived a long time, met a lot of people, seen a lot of trees, and I made no assertion about you; just an observation about your outlook on life is all. As to whether I have standing or position in life to remark as I did, I am in a position to make those statements I made just as you have every right to make what remarks you made to me. I, like you, am an adult. I don't need permission from you to say what things I choose to say about your comments here on JWN and you are certainly free to disagree with my comments, @its_me!.
Its clear that you like to voice your VERY long-winded opinions, but I don't want to hear them. I was speaking to sacd, and your comments were very insensitive.
You were speaking to @sacdfan about me, which is why I addressed you directly in responding to what you wrote.
Please don't address anymore posts to me. If you wish to slam my character, you may pm me. I didn't slam you as a person, only your comments.
No, I see no need to PM you. You believed I slammed your character, that's fine, but you don't get to tell me not to address any more posts to you. You lose the right to ask me not to do so when you spoke slightingly about me to @sacdfan and for you to even think I would honor such a request from you does make you an interesting "character." I didn't slam your character, I spoke to your inability to comprehend what you read when you remarked that what I said to the OP was both "insensitive and asinine." Was your remark about me a "slam" against my character? No, it was just an opinion, and my response was just an opinion. You want to make this about something more than that, ok.
And while you are defending the JW religion, you are breaking one of their most stringent laws for their followers by being on here. If it were to be found out that you had viewed this site, let alone frequented it, you would be cut off. I don't care that you are on this site, but don't expect everyone here to tiptoe around your ridiculous comments and say nothing about them when you offend.
You certainly do care that I am on this site, for I noticed that the @sacdfan indicated in her post that is currently one of Jehovah's Witnesses herself, and has been such for four years, but you didn't say a thing to her about her being on JWN. You are totally fine with her being on here, so your bias against me is obviously what drove your remarks to the OP and what drives your remarks to me now. You're not fooling me or anyone else here. What I should have written above is this:
"You have the right to share your opinion, but I don't give you the right to dictate to me what things I should or should not say or do, whether here on JWN or elsewhere. Why do I have to like what things you like? You may be apathetic about your life and certain people, but I simply cannot afford to be you. @Simon decides who may be a member on here and who may not be, not you."
You are free to believe JWN to be an "apostates-only" website, but doesn't my presence here prove that you're wrong? that JWN is not just for apostates? What about the OP, who started this thread: Do you think @sacdfan to be an apostate simply because she started a thread on here with the hope of eliciting suggestions from folks as to what she might to do in the situation she described where her husband is treating her as if she doesn't matter?
Look, @its_me!: Prove your contention that JWN is an "apostates-only" website and I'll leave, but if you should fail to prove your contention within the next 72 hours, then I need you to agree to leave off from posting anything else here on JWN for a minimum of 30 days, ok? Surely you'd have no problem whatsoever in agreeing to these terms as I have just laid them out, right? I am aware that some of the folks that use this forum are apostates, but one thing I know about you is that you have a bias, not against all Jehovah's Witnesses, but against me personally, but perhaps you will recall from the time you spent in association with Jehovah's Witnesses in the past that elders do speak to disfellowshipped persons all of the time, so why don't you let this go? There's nothing for you to win here.
@djeggnog
elderelite

Oh eggnog.... Wrong as always..... As a truly serving elder i can tell you, one who is not serving, that elders do not have the "right" or "privlidge" to talk to DF people. It is to be limited as it for all others. Being on this board is wY outta line according the branches directions.
If you were an elder you would know that
mrsjones5

Damn, Eggnog took over another thread with his totally worthless demagoguery.
Way to go Eggman!
For want of an iggy button...
yknot

My sister, no no and no
He isn't being a very 'good man' to you...... and this reflects the depth of his insides.
You are under his care and protection ......
He isn't caring or protecting you
He only seems to find ways to abandon you.
I don't think it is the JWs, it is him using the JWs as an enabler.
If he was a 'good JW' or 'good deep down' the affair wouldn't have happened/ continues to happen!
He isn't a man of conviction.......
I understand all too well searching, hoping and holding on to what you knew/had/loved/wanted.......but he has let you go in all ways but legally and financially.
This is when you must value yourself more than the value he has assigned you.
________________________________
Remember I said you had 2 voices at odds in your head ......the younger you who loves him beyond yourself and the older, wiser you that is screaming!
Well I think the older one posted this thread to allow the younger one to grieve, cry and profess love and the older one to tattle on what your husband is doing to that young, naieve and hopeful lass........confronting what you fear and already know, allowing for the start of a path that will find closure and strength through this heartbreaking loss.
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS!!!
djeggnog

@elderelite:
As a truly serving elder i can tell you, one who is not serving, that elders do not have the "right" or "[privilege]" to talk to DF people. It is to be limited as it for all others. Being on this board is [WAY] outta line according the branches directions.
You have indicated that you are an elder. Assuming this to be the case, then you can construct my response to your statement by conducting a search in the 2010 or 2011 cdrom using the string "elders bear the prime responsibility for exhorting disfellowshiped ones," and reading the sentence that contains these highlighted words. In addition, it might be good for you to familiarize yourself with what the third to last sentence of 1:2 states, as well as what the principle in the last sentence of 5:52 states. An elder would have no difficulty finding the above-referenced material.
If you were an elder you would know that
Here's what I think I know: You're someone that I'd call "a nominal elder," and all such are eventually deleted. BTW, you were off-topic the moment you decided to post a response to me, rather than to the OP.
@mrsjones5:
Damn, Eggnog took over another thread with his totally worthless demagoguery.
What "demagoguery"? Do you not have anything at all positive to suggest to the OP or was it more important to you to troll me and, as a bonus, use a word whose meaning you don't quite understand? I'm sure you must have friends here that are gullible enough to think you to be clever. What exactly is preventing you from trolling one of them? BTW, you're also off-topic.
@djeggnog
moshe

If you want to experience the happiness that many couples have, then move on and find a new mate. The KH elders are really in charge of your family and even reserve the right to supervise your marriage bed.
IMO, JWs are dull people who are out of touch with reality. The elder in the service meeting part a few weeks ago gave a talk of how the world views JWs- and he couldn't have been more wrong about what he said.
dozy

There are a lot of long term marriages in your situation including numerous ones where both partners are JWs.
A lot depends on what you want from life - essentially at present you are room-mates co-habiting but doubtless have a lot of things in common. Unless there is a lot of constant arguments & unhappiness , the status-quo is perhaps the best option. You have to look at the downside - separate houses / disruption / all the expense & crap from a divorce that could very quickly go toxic. Once the lawyers get involved then it can get very messy indeed.
I've seen a few of my 20 odd year old marriage friends / workmates divorce & in most cases they don't seem any happier than they were before. The new relationships , if there were any , haven't always worked out. A pal of mine broke up with his wife & now just sits in his bedsit living off take aways. His life is 10 x worse than it was before (his words).
Unless & until you have an obvious tipping point , I'd be minded to hang on & see how things develop. Just my 2p............
nugget

If I were to be honest your husband is like a lodger in the home using it as the base for his activities but without an emotional connection to the people within it.
You are distanced from one another because the religion itself makes marriage relationships unnatural placing themselves between the couple. Men are encouraged to keep secrets from their wives and to strive for position which will inevitably mean putting wives and children second.
You do not share a common religious belief and whereas you may be able to accept his differences he will never accept yours. As an unbelieving mate he is taught to be ever suspicious of your motives, your sources of information and your character. It is hard to have a stable marriage or close relationship under these circumstances.
He has shown he does not believe himself to be in a committed relationship by his emotional philandering. Calling another woman your best friend and forming relationships with women to whom you are not married is what you do when you are single.He has lost your trust and any man who still loves and respects his wife would be working to get that trust back. He seems very casual about the whole thing with little care or concern for your feelings.
He is using you because you provide the means for him to attend college and you take care of the bills. When he completes his degree and his work improves and he does not need you to pay the bills what is there in the relationship to keep him with you?
If you want an unpaying lodger then do nothing. If you want to be in a relationship then these issues need to be addressed.
out4good3

Damn, Eggnog took over another thread with his totally worthless demagoguery.
typical witness tactic.
sacdfan

Such a lot of food for thought - thank you to all of you.
My heart says one thing, my head another.
I agree he could be using me while he is at college. I just don't know. We've been through so much and sometimes he can be so nice while at other times he is distant - a real Jekyll and Hyde!
Whatever happens, you have made me feel so much better in myself - your words have really been a great comfort - it's nice to hear others tell me I am worth something - I'm not a loser - I actually feel 10 feet tall now - thank you so much
xxx

Is my marriage worth saving?

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