Wish I didnt know....Part 2 My Story

by Wishididntknow 20 Replies latest jw experiences

  • outsmartthesystem
    outsmartthesystem

    "I always felt apostates were bitter angry evil people."

    You are exactly right. SOME are. When some people find out they've devoted decades of their life to a lie.....the resulting feeling is more than just agitation. it is downright contempt and anger. Not at individual witnesses......but at the leaders that perpetuate the lie and keep 7 million people in a self created bubble.

    Back when I was an uber witness....I wondered the same thing. Why are former witnesses so seemingly angry? And then I fell for a typical logical fallacy that witnesses use all the time. One elder told me "See? The governing body KNOWS how all apostates will act. The fact that they KNOW that apostates will act a certain way is even more proof that Jehovah is directing the organization forward while weeding out the bad apples". I thought this logic was brilliant......until I was able to think critically about it.

    Of course former members are going to be angry! If I worked for Enron Corp in the 1990s and vested all my retirement into company stock.....I'd be livid at the leaders of the company for selling me a lie and ruining my eventual retirement. It is natural to feel angry when you find out you've wasted your life/time because of something you believed that isn't true.

    Here is a parallel. Many years ago I got sucked into a pyramid scheme when I was an active JW. This pyramid scheme paralleled the society in many ways. It was taught that the leaders of this particular businesses new everything there was to know about the business. Just do what they tell you and you'll succeed [the governing body is directed by God......always listen to them]. They gave you material to read, sales presentations to memorize, and tapes and disks to listen to and watch that were designed to build your confidence in the company. You were encourage to continually read and listen, read and listen. [the society likewise keeps you busy with 5 meetings per week, field service, personal study, study for meetings, preparation for field service, reading the magazines, reading the text etc]. If you developed any doubts or frustrations, you had a "team leader" (who was naturally higher up on the pyramid) that would encourage you to keep going. If need be, he would listen to a tape with you or go through your presentation with you. The idea was to keep you going [if you are feeling down in the society....you are encouraged to go in service more....do more study. An elder might even study with you. the idea - keep yourself busy. The busier you are the less time you'll have to think critically} With this pyramid scheme....you were to spend 80% of your time dealing with people that are considered ripe. 20% of your time with people that were green. and 0% with people that were rotten! Who are rotten? Anyone that is a former associate or that is critical of your involvement with the scheme. [within the organization....who is rotten? Anyone that is disfellowshipped or critical of the organization. All they are trying to do is ruin your relationship with God. They are evil]

    The parallels are stunning. And amazingly......the leaders of this pyramid scheme "knew" the same things that the governing body "know". They "knew" that former members are "angry" and that those critical of your being involved in the "business" are only seeking to "ruin your dreams". Hmmmm....Sound familiar?

    If god is directing the governing body to "know" the overall attitude of former Jehovahs Witnesses (being rather perturbed at the borg). Then god must be similarly directing the leaders of this pyramid scheme to "know" the same. Cause ya know......it couldn't possibly be LOGICAL that former members might carry a bit of agitation with them when they realize they've been had.

  • Wishididntknow
    Wishididntknow

    Hey Fernando

    What does this mean?

    I was diagnosed with PTSD (common with cults) and had psychotherapy, CBT and EMDRAA all of which really helped.

  • Londo111
    Londo111

    Wishididntknow,

    I feel the important thing, now that you know, is what you do with that knowledge. If you find purpose in it, that purpose can impel you overcome the grief you are experiencing. Our brothers and sisters in the organization are trapped and they need a way out. They feel the clichés of 'Where else am I going to go? There is no other hope.'

    I feel that there is a real hope to be had. And that we can channel this knowledge into positively helping others. Of course, this knowledge is like nitroglycerin. Used right, it can heal. Used wrong, it can blow up in our face. You can be quiet force for good, nudging your brothers and sisters to think.

    This is a website that I've found most helpful: www.JWStruggle.com

  • wisdomfrombelow
    wisdomfrombelow

    wishididntknow,

    When I think of your username I think of your relationship with your ex and how life would have been different if you hadn't known what she did. I don't know her or you, but it seems like she at least admitted her fault and tried to make things right. She valued you and even was willing to study to understand your point of view.

    The religion you are part of NEVER apologizes for anything it does wrong. It makes you feel like you are at fault no matter the circumstances. It will not bed or try to understand your point of view where there are disagreements. If you try to promote your point of view, where it differs from theirs, you can be ostracized like you were before.

    It gives conditional friends and requires that all your friendships be conditional. Try to spend time with a disfellowshipped person and see how soon you will be back out. I doubt you'd want a relationship with a woman who behaves like that, why do you want a religion who will behave like that?

    You have no idea what changes they could make in the future. For now, watching sexually explicit movies is a disfellowshipping offense. Next it could be violent movies or violent video games or debased music or whatever they want. The rules to remain a member are fluid. They can change them at any time and you are expected to comply.

    Since you are a JW now, ask your JW associates if their friendship is based on being the same religion or if you were to get disfellowshipped would they stop being your friend. Tell them what you would do if they got disfellowshipped. If you would automatically stop being their friend then you are not a good friend to have.

    When the announcement "so-and-so is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses" is made, you don't know the reason. Maybe you would not agree with it if you did know. Still, your response is always the same. Is that being a true friend, rejecting someone without even knowing why?

    The thing is, now you know. The question is, what will you do. That answer is unique to each person and I hope whatever decision you make, you realize it is yours to make just as the consequences are yours to bear.

  • Wishididntknow
    Wishididntknow

    The thing is, now you know. The question is, what will you do. That answer is unique to each person and I hope whatever decision you make, you realize it is yours to make just as the consequences are yours to bear

    You are correct, time will tell. This is all so very new to me.

  • FatFreek 2005
    FatFreek 2005

    OutsmartTheSystem, What a great parallel -- the typical pyramid scheme. Most of it fits and that is scary.

    Wishi, welcome to our fine group. It sounds like you're off to a good start. Be patient with yourself. As you expressed yourself, your words took me back to my same feelings and aprehensions -- 34 years ago. It will get better.

    Len

  • jean-luc picard
    jean-luc picard

    Welcome to the board wishIdidntknow.

    Many of us have felt a little fear when watching the news: what if it really is the truth?What if armageddon is very close?

    These feelings are normal, not just to us, but to any ex cult member. The reality is, jws org plays on fear.

    Did you go back mainly for this reason, fear of the big one?

    You know that we are all going to die one day. But it wont be because of armagedon. Doing research, you will find that the end of the world has been predicted hundreds of times in the last few centuries. We are still here.

    The important thing is, to live before you die.

    I want to know that my life is real
    And feel the things I need to feel,
    I want to grow, I want to thrive,
    I want to live before I die!

    Diana Glen--(1997) ©
    http://www.angelfire.com/on2/PoemsByDiana/live.html

  • Wishididntknow
    Wishididntknow

    I want to know that my life is real
    And feel the things I need to feel,
    I want to grow, I want to thrive,
    I want to live before I die!


    Diana Glen-

    What a great Quote

  • Ding
    Ding

    Have you read Ray Franz's book Crisis of Conscience yet?

    If not, make that a priority.

  • Wishididntknow

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