Were You In A Constant State Of Worry As A Witness? (page 2)

LostGeneration

You know, I wasn't ever really worried about what God thought about me or that he was going to kill me. I always reasoned to myself that he couldn't be as much of a dickhead as the society made him out to be.

What I did worry about was getting shit done. The hamster wheel - study for meeting, go to meeting, comment at meeting, do this part at the meeting, go to elders meeting after the meeting, call and check on this fader (didn't know they were trying to "fade"), shepherinding calls, study with family, get clothes to dry cleaner for next meeting, read WT, read Awake, prepare to conduct book study, make sure wife has food for after book study, go to Circuit assembly, get to assembly early for department work, stay after assembly to tear down stage or clean up...ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC.

Oh, and then try to carve out time to fix your house, pay your bills, change the oil, spend a freaking hour with your kid!

Its no wonder these poor souls can't see the forest through the trees, they are so damn busy with this shit!

DOES IT EVER END!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Yeah, when you walk out the door with your middle finger up!

Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

LostGeneration I've worried along the same lines, even more so will anyone see if I'm not doing all I'm suppose to.

I do worry about getting ousted for not "believing". I also worry about the elderbarries finding out, or fabricating, something to get me in trouble especially when there's something big they want to cover up going down. (Our congregation has a nasty little habit of picking on someone with some minor infraction to divert attention away from “the big fish”.)

I don't worry about watchtower’s god destroying me or any of that stuff; their doomsdaying doesn't affect me.

cult classic

Constantly worried and stressed out. Always on edge about something. Always fearful and scared. I was told from birth up that Jehovah and his angels were watching me. And so were Satan and the demons. I had to be on my best behavior and represent my parents, family and the congregation. All of these entities were interested in my every move.

Terrible way to live.

stillajwexelder

No - the exact opposite. Becoming a witness gave me a sort of sense of security. Crazy I know.

jamiebowers

Yes, but I think it had more to do with living with a deranged jw husband more than anything in the congregation.

minimus

Anyone that might feel secure IS crazy!!!

crmsicl

I would say my first 10 years in I was worried. But at some point my predominant feeling was guilt. I wasn't worthy no matter what. At one point my husband found a "bible study" for me. He thought this would be an easy way to witness. OMG! Bible Studies terrified me because I had to be an example. This caused me to get more "spiritual" with studying the WT crap articles and such which was so hard for me, I could barely figure everything out. Anyway, cut to the chase, I finally decided that to be "whole souled" as they word it, I decided that whatever I could do was what I could do. Jehovah would know it was all I could do with sincerity and surely he would accept my honest effort. So in my last few years in the cult this was my attitude and it served me well. I was so sick of being guilty!

Band on the Run

Constantly. I never felt God was love, only severe punishment. Murder, adultery, rape - I could understand that. My classmates did. I could never be just myself. No matter what I did - and at one point I did it with such fervor and belief--nothing was good enough. My family had many JWs. Not a single one of us felt we were good enough to survive Armageddon. It was brutal being a child. No joy. I was so serious and judgmental.

The world beckoned. Paul writes of grace. I don't recall hearing anything about grace -- only beasts, demons, and numbers.

harleybear

Having been diagnosed with a severe ulcer at age 11 that pretty much answered that question

Were You In A Constant State Of Worry As A Witness?