I Da'ed myself with a simple letter to the simpleton elders or clown princes among men as I call them. Now here's the kicker. I took myself out of the cult by my letter. The locals are mostly of the mind that I was DF'ed which I was not. This is frustrating since I wouldn't cooperate with a judicial meeting and was present when my DA letter was read. BUT! the consensus in my town is that I was DF! There is a difference , to me maybe, since I get super shunning. Been going on 20 years since I left and it is hilarious the way the local dubs act when they see me. You'd think I was Satan incarnate. Be sure to check Jehovah's Witness World News, I do an hour interview with Rick fearon of six screens as the host, and it coming soon.
For those of you who inactive, but not officially DFd/DAd, how do you manage?
by undercover 37 Replies latest jw friends
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redvip2000
Interesting how i share the same experiences as many of you. I stopped attending 7 or 8 years ago. First because i was lazy and not motivated, and later after enlightening myself decided to completely quit and never go back.
It has been an amazing decision, all the guilt trips associated with never making the cut and never being able to produce what the society demanded ( hours, etc) are now gone. My immediate family are JW which is the only drawback of the whole situation. My relationship with them is lackluster, but still good enough that anybody gets along.
I'll admit that although i had some cognitive dissonance when i was in, i still believed that the Watchtower Society was somehow enlightened and wise and somehow had insight into the future. The key as i understand now to burst the JW bubble in your mind, is to critically think of the activities and reasonability of the Governing Body and their actions - this is the first road block. As long as one believes they are somehow informed by God, they will likely remain faithful despite other inconsistencies.
Reading an insiders report on the GB by Ray Franz was critical for me, because it made me realize that the GB are just a group of out of touch old men, who simply grasp and claw at things to try to keep the house of cards together. They are not enlightened, they simply make decisions in the same manner that other corporations do.
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SnowQueen
WTWizard, thanks for making me laugh! I shall forever more refer to the JWs as witlesses!
My strategy was to run off to university (giving three weeks notice) and start educating myself about life, real life.
One phrase caught my eye in this thread though: " I've never out and out called it a crock of shit to anyone who could make real trouble for me."
Interestingly, I've never out and out called it a crock of shit to myself!! (Dont worry, I'm rectifying that!)
As for 'anyone who could make real trouble for me', after 17 years of inactivity and not being affiliated to a congregation (having taken myself away from everyone before they even had the opportunity to shun me) there really is no-one who could cause trouble for me, even if I could be bothered to denounce the witless teachings - I mean what could they do, tell people to stop talking to me?? I already took care of that, I knew the consequences when I left home.
Thankfully my parents have never cut me off, although that's not to say that the religion has not had a devastating impact on my relationship with them. They may never know the full extent to which the WTS has affected the way we relate to each other (or don't, as the case may be).
My sister truly believed that since I had 'turned my back on Jehovah' she couldn't have any kind of meaningful relaionship with me, even though she still spoke to me from time to time (there wasn't much proactive contact on either side for many years). Fortunately for me she and her husband left about 5 years ago, but you can't get back the years spent being distant, you can't do the things you didn't do or share all the things that were never shared at the time.
I never had the desire (or the guts perhaps) to DA myelf, there didn't seem much point, I was off! Although maybe I would have had a swifter recovery if I had made a firm decision and publicly closed the chapter so that there really was no going back. I didn't retain any friendships, so it wouldn't have affected me much if I did, although it seems a bit pointless now.
My sister was Dfd and it was very painful all round, but at least it was a cleaner, more final way to go, which I think makes it easier to move on once the grief passes. It makes me angry to think about the way her and her family were treated though, especially as her 'offense' was to question questionable doctrines and their policy of sheltering child abusers - out of the two of us I'm the one who's committed countless Dfing offenses!
I guess that's the way it goes, since being outside of their system I'm free to live life as I choose (and I wouldn't have it any other way), but as long as you're inside the system you still have to worry about their crazy rules and the consequences if you veer from them.
The key is to break any dependency you have on them to either do or not do something, to get that you'll be fine eit her way - once it no longer matters to you what they do or don't do then they have no power or control over you. That may mean giving up your attachment to certain things happening or not happening, but it's the only way to be free.
Losing friends and family is heartbreaking, but losing yourself is catastrophic! This is your life and it's your priority to save your 'self' - anyone who truly loves you will still be there anyway.
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Rocky_Girl
The JWs I used to know shun me despite the fact that I have never DA'd or been DF'd. My parents find ways to help me (I give them plenty as a single mom dealing with an abusive ex) so they feel their association with me falls within that family emergency loophole. I am openly ex-JW and have converted first to Catholicism (to marry my ex-fiance) and now to Judaism (because it fit me) over the 14 years I have been inactive without incident.
I know it helps that I moved across town to another territory so the ones who knew me back then do not see me participating in pagan celebrations The local JWs do not come to my door any longer (after an incident not too long ago) I assume that they think I am DF'd, they KNOW I am apostate. The last elder to meet with me (4 years ago) warned me not to talk to any JWs about my feelings and I wouldn't face public discipline. If they tried to do anything now, I would have my attorney send a letter warning them not to. It has been so long that it would be considered extreme because it would be for the sole purpose of forcing my parents to stop association.
I actually think they like it when poor, unsuspecting JWs come to my door and leave feeling scared because they spoke to a denomic apostate. It reinforces that shut-down in the R&F brains when the experience floats around. I still remember the feeling of fear I would feel when I would run into a DF'd one and the morbid fascination my friends had with hearing about every detail of the encounter. I would be commended for my brave act of walking away. I'm sure that my house is spoken of in the same way now...
I feel lucky that there are no elders actively pursuing my DF'ing. I truly feel for those of you who have experienced that.
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SnowQueen
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Nambo
!6 years since meetings, perhaps 8 years since attending memorial, but I have no family and whereas Jesus might leave the flock to search for a lost sheep, the JWs certainly dont follow so closely in his footsteps, hence, Iam lucky that I live well over half a mile from 5 Kingdom halls, so no chance of any of them putting themselves out to go that far to enquire on my Spirituality.
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Phizzy
"There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do " Freya Stark
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Farkel
:For those of you who inactive, but not officially DFd/DAd, how do you manage?
Just fine, thank you. However, comma, your question is like asking, "since you fled from your captors who kept pulling out your fingernails, how are you doing now, fingernailwise?"
Farkel