In this book on mind control cults and recovering from abusive relationships that my wife and I are reading titled , " Take Back Your Life " by Janja Lalich & Madeleine Tobias - it discusses in detail how damage we've received from cults or abusive relationships stays with us after we exit . In the Chapter " Coping with Emotions " it states some interesting things under the subheading " Loss of self esteem ".
It states regarding after leaving a cult ( JW's, Scientology, etc. ) on pg. 133, " A sense of elitism, feelings of security, friendships, emotional highs, or fringe benefits ( if you were near the leader or in the inner circle ) are powerful reasons to stay attached to any group. When you leave, you may feel as though the rug was ripped out from under you : no more magic carpet . The thrill is gone. As you confront the challenge of rebuilding your life , the empty feelings should fade as you develop renewed purpose and meaning. "
It continues, " In cults and abusive relationships, people often feel a sense of satisfaction in giving love, serving a Master, or dedicating themselves to a higher cause or ideal. In many cults, personal suffering is often endured in service to the perceived new self. After such sacrifice, people can be devastated to learn that they were taken advantage of, or in some cases, blatantly duped. " One of the more painful emotions is the feeling of being used, " writes psychoanalyst Willard Gaylin. To better understand the significance of that feeling, Gaylin suggests comparing the humiliation of feeling used with the pleasure of feeling useful : " The feeling of usefulness provides a great joy and pleasure. To feel of use is one of the fundamental ingredients of pride. We pride ourselves by our uses. We even sense or acknowledge ourselves through our uses. We exist in our own mind's eye through the exploitation and expenditure of all of our personal resources. When we use ourselves , in almost any sense of the word, we are building a sense of our worth....... " .
Gaylin continues, " How, then, do we explain the almost universal feelings of outrage, shame, hurt, and resentment that combine in that most humiliating feeling of " being used " ? To feel used is to feel that our services have been separated from ourselves. It is a sense of the violation of our central worth, as though we ourselves are important to the other individual ( or organization ) only because we are a vehicle for supplying the stuff that he ( or organization ) desires. It may be most graphic and evident when what he ( or the organization ) desires is a material or physical thing - our money or our possessions - but we are equally offended when what is taken or used is our intelligence, our creativity, our companionship, or our love. "
Final paragraph states, " Not wanting to admit to feeling used or duped may keep people in cult situations longer than they would like. Pride, shame, guilt, fear, and love tend to work in concert to prevent members from acting in their own interests sooner. Once they do leave, they may have to deal with the awful realization that they were tricked, fooled, and exploited by the actual group or leader they idealized. ADMITTING that is most difficult, but it can be a great relief. "
So it seems a beginning to finding our renewed self esteem after exiting the Witnesses is admitting to ourselves in the first place that we were duped by mind control of the cult. Once we admit it - then we can exhale and start rebuilding new interests and a new life again ! It's not easy but allowing ourselves to grieve for a time we will develop new hobbies, interests, friends , and connections that will help rebuild our life. As well as finding out positive things within ourselves which were stifled by the JW cult involvement ! So how are you folks doing in moving on after the JW cult involvement ? What new and interesting things are you doing to renew your self esteem after having been beaten down mentally as a JW all those years ? Any positive reinforcement we can share with each other would be helpful ! Especially for newer members so they can see that indeed there IS life after exiting JW involvement . As always I look forward to your input and takes and comments. Hope you all are well ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
