Have you regained your Self Esteem after being " Used " by the WT society ?

by flipper 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pams girl

  When I made the decision to fade away, I felt strong. However, within a few days, I felt like the rug had been pulled from under my feet. What did I have left? No real friends, nothing to focus on, I questioned my relationship with God, I felt lost........

  I was depressed for a long time. My anxiety and panic attacks came back with a vengence. I worried constantly if I had made the right choice. I didnt realise how deeply entrenched my thinking had become............it took a long time to start thinking independently again. In fact, if it wasnt for my friends on JWN, I would probably still be mentally beating myself up on a daily basis.

  My eyes are open now, and get so much strength and support here! In fact, if it wasnt for the Borg, I wouldnt have know any of you.....and I thank them for that! :)

  Peace to you Mr & Mrs Flipper. So happy to know you xxx
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  DesirousOfChange

  "A sense of elitism, feelings of security, friendships, emotional highs, or fringe benefits ( if you were near the leader or in the inner circle ) are powerful reasons to stay attached to any group. When you leave, you may feel as though the rug was ripped out from under you : no more magic carpet . The thrill is gone. As you confront the challenge of rebuilding your life , the empty feelings should fade as you develop renewed purpose and meaning. "

  "After such sacrifice, people can be devastated to learn that they were taken advantage of, or in some cases, blatantly duped. " One of the more painful emotions is the feeling of being used. . . "

  FLIPPER, so true. I am presently living that.

  Doc
• 

  LongHairGal

  Flipper:

  This sounds like a good book and I definitely want to get it. Even though my self-esteem didn't suffer that much of a blow (because I hit back LOL), I am still angry that these people tried to knock it down. I am definitely convinced that most of the jabs at me were because of plain old jealousy.

  With regard to "being USED", I have to say that this is right up there at the top of the list. If I had to describe the religion I would have to say USERS is the number one word to describe them. As a single woman, not only was I at the bottom of the social "pecking order" (hard not to notice), but I had to positively RUN from every kind of user imaginable! They never got anywhere with me and I positively despised these elders or older married women who thought that a younger single woman was there to do favors. They had absolutely no regard for her welfare.

  I have a theory that the religion turns certain people into very adept users. They may have a smile on their face and be smooth talking with the scriptures, etc. but they have a wrong attitude towards people in the congregation. They themselves might feel "used" so they, in turn, try to use others. Really sickening and I am so glad I am not around that mindset anymore!
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  OnTheWayOut

  "When you leave, you may feel as though the rug was ripped out from under you : no more magic carpet . The thrill is gone. As you confront the challenge of rebuilding your life , the empty feelings should fade as you develop renewed purpose and meaning. "

  "In cults and abusive relationships, people often feel a sense of satisfaction in giving love, serving a Master, or dedicating themselves to a higher cause or ideal. In many cults, personal suffering is often endured in service to the perceived new self. After such sacrifice, people can be devastated to learn that they were taken advantage of, or in some cases, blatantly duped. "

  I definitely relate to what you are conveying here. Here's part of an answer in something I had written previously:

  Looking back, I've made some realizations. The Watch Tower organization told me they had all the answers to the questions I was asking. The problem was that they provided the wrong questions. They told me I was seeking a deeper spiritual truth when all I really sought was an ordinary truth. I hadn't actually started pondering, "Where does life originally come from and where are we going after this life? I simply wanted to know, "Who am I?" How could I understand deep spiritual things until I learned basic things? Maybe I thought God had assigned value to me, but I had to learn to assign myself value first. Regardless of how true or false Watch Tower's doctrines were, seeking to accept and understand their version of deeper spiritual truths was sidetracking me for years from discovering myself and my true value. The question, "Who am I?" may not lead to an easy answer, but just being aware of the real question and asking it leads to the reflection and wisdom I have been seeking.

  Sometimes when I was learning "the truth," a little voice inside my head should have been screaming. Instead, it was there whispering to me, quiet enough for me to ignore it.

  I definitely had the "duped" feeling. I have no desire to start a doctrines/beliefs argument on your thread, but I had to go deeper and realize that I was suffering from low self-esteem and that my value-in-myself was coming from the value I thought Jehovah had placed in me, and that was now taken away. I had to learn to let that go and give myself credit for coming out of that Watchtower cult. I had to learn about cognitive dissonance and the desire to believe. I had to learn that, in my case, I chose the religion of JW's because of a low point in my life where the alternative could have been death by suicide. As bad as the JW's were, it was preferable to the alternative.

  Really, the only residual "duped" feeling I have is that of looking back at what I believed and how easily it was to investigate. But, hey- cult training told me that Satan was preventing my investigation.
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  flipper

  Thanks for all the replies & comments ! Been off the board for a few days, been really busy.

  DISCREET SLAVE- I'm glad you stood up for yourself and blazed your trail out of the organization and boosted your self esteem. Leaving the organization helped my self esteem too. Isn't it amazing how we were always told we couldn't trust ourselves ? I feel the ulterior motive to that was so the WT society leaders WOULD control us ! Good point you make about how now - WE can take credit for good things happening to us in our lives and we also take responsibility for the negative things. Kind of how I roll too.

  VIDQUN- Very good point you make about how many of us felt depressed after district conventions or assemblis - we were beaten down mentally, made to feel we nEVER did enough in the JW organization so we came away feeling down many times. I agree, I felt that way as well many times. It was a trap set by WT leaders to keep us under their thumb and more controllable.

  CHEMICAL EMOTIONS- Glad to hear your self esteem is improving. That's great ! It does take time indeed. No need to judge ourselves on trivial matters as you say.

  BUBBLEGUM APOTHEOSIS- Very true what you say. We were ALWAYS mentally beaten down with " do more, do more, do more " in the field service, meeting attendance, commenting, " reaching out " for positions whether it was elder, MS, or pioneering. It drove me crazy as well. I got tired of hearing it because I KNEW I was a good decent person, I just didn't want to ' reach out " for anything more. I had enough pressure in my life being married to a self righteous JW woman at the time. It was like a scene out of the " Stepford Wives " seeing all these heads nodding in the affirmative that they were " happy " when aked at the kingdom hall in talks. Kinda creepy.

  TIME BANDIT- Wow Chris ! Very interesting dream you had ! Cool in fact. I'm so glad that your self esteem is returning to you- it seems very in evidence by what you dreamed in standing up to the school yard bully. Perhaps the bully represented WT leaders or elders who have been pushing you around for years ! I'm glad you are feeling better about yourself. We're glad to have you here on the board for sure !

  PAMS GIRL- I hear you. It can be really depressing when we exit the Witnesses right after we leave initially. I'm really happy that you've regained your strength and self esteem through JWN and realize that many of us here went through similar things and feelings you did . It's nice to have come to get to know you on the board as well ! My wife says " Hi " and we both hope you are doing well now. Take care of yourself, O.K. ?

  LONG HAIR GAL- Indeed, it is definitely a great book ! I find it discusses some things that Hassan's books don't address in a lot of detail. Especially regarding individual abusive relationships outside the cult arena. It's interesting that the same control tactics and methods are used by abusers in personal relationships as are used by cults like Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists, and Mormons.

  You make a VERY valid and great point that because the WT society constantly " uses " people for duties or alleged " privileges " - it by progression turns THEM, every JW into " users " as well some to more dgree than others who don't blink an eye on using US up like you mentioned older sisters and elders tried to do to you in taking advantage of you. I agree. I was CONSTANTLY bugged by elders to give impromptu talks at the last second. They felt that good old flipper was there to take up the slack for somebody not giving a talk. Finally I started avoiding them as I didn't want tobe " used " anymore. LOL ! I think you hit a nail on the head- it IS an organization of " users " !

  OTWO- Very good points you make about how the WT organization and Witnesses took away our individuality and detoured us from REALLY finding the meaning to life by claiming that THEY had all the answers. Very true. It was a distraction of sorts actually ! It's like your and my thoughts didn't matter- what only mattered was what the WT society's view of life and " reality " were. I'm glad you got out or I wouldn't have made such a great friend ! But we can both hold our heads up high and be proud of ourselves that indeed, WE made the decision not to be duped anymore and take back our lives in freedom of mind. Now - NO ONE can take that away from us without our cooperation ! Good thoughts, thanks
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  flipper

  BTTT, all comments welcome