I have a problem any suggestions would be appreciated

nugget

This year will be my parents 50th wedding anniversary. My mum is a JW my father is not. My husband and I hade been Df'd and I have 3 sisters. Sister number 1 is married to an elder and is a staunch JW. When I phoned her to tell her I was being Df'd she was typically judmental, unsympathetic and more concerned that everybody was aware of the need to shun me than anything else. I haven't seen or spoken to her since. Sister no 2 was never baptised and lives in the US. Sister 3 is baptised but inactive and does not attend meetings and lives with my mum and dad.

My sister in the USA wants to fly back to the UK for the anniversary and has asked if my parents are planning anything. As far as I am aware they are not. My older sister planned the other big family do so I wouldn't know if she has made any plans this time as I will not be included. I would like to mark this special occasion for my parents but anything I am involved in will be blighted by the fact my older sister will refuse to come. I also don't want to make trouble for her as my Dad is very sensitive on this issue and will be furious with her if he knows she is being an arrogant JW.

Part of me is also resentful that my sister will spend time with my 2 other sisters when essentially there is little to choose between our views and lives but will be exclude my family. But that is me and I can work with that.

What I need is some help as to how to navigate this social minefield so that it is a happy time for my parents and not blighted by ill feeling, family arguments over shunning and bad feeling. I don't want to force the issue as this will spoil whatever is arranged thi is for my parents and I don't want it to be about me and being shunned.

Any help would be appreciated this has the potential to be a total mess.

Amelia Ashton

What a nightmare situation.

I can't give any advice but we can chat and bounce ideas around later.

(((Nugget)))

nugget

Thanks Amelia look forward to it.

nicolaou

It's a bugger of a situation, you have my sympathies nugget. All I can suggest is that you sit down with your Mum & Dad over a cup of tea and ask them how THEY would like to celebrate their 50th. Would your JW Mum do this?

Good for you in seeing what's important here.

Nic

Amelia Ashton

When any-one else has a problem you give amazingly balanced logical and practical advice yourself so the fact you have requested help indicates what an awful dilemma this is.

Unfortunately the JWs are generally not so balanced so I can see they will want it all their own way which is very unfair.

Reasonableness is not their strongest point.

DesirousOfChange

I would suggest that YOU AND THE SISTERS WHO WILL SOCIALIZE WITH YOU arrange a small Open House or Family Dinner somewhere and definitely invite the JW SISTER as well, reminding her that all of you consider an occasion of such importance to be "necessary family business" for your elderly parents and would expect that she would think the same. WTS allows association with DF family members for "Necessary Family Business". (10/01/82 WT -- I think) One of your other sisters could remind her that YOU really don't like being in HER company either, but you will be yielding so as not to spoil the spirit of the occasion for your parents.

If she decides NOT to join in the celebration. . . . . then everyone else needs to carry on and have a good great time. Do NOT let her spoil the occasion by threatening to be absent or by making unreasonable demands on everyone else.

JWs try to punish DF people by removing themselves from any association with them. In most cases, who really gives a rats @$$ that you don't have to put up with some self-righteous JW in your group of friends who never have anything meaningful to add to a conversation anyway. Well, this strategy works when the majority of the crowd would be JWs, but when it is just ONE JW couple amongst all the other family members, let them be the ones excluded from the happy occasion. It demonstrates to everyone else just how unreasonable and un-Christ-like they really are.

Doc

nugget

I was wondering whether to play the necessary family buisiness card but the issue I see with this is that as it would inevitably involve a meal she will object to eating with DF'd people. If she raises a stink then this places my JW mum in an awkward position since my sister is the sort who will demand that my mum complies. My mum has the get out of jail free card since my non JW dad is head of the house and will not tolerate shunning in his home. This does not mean that my sister will not sour the event she is a self appointed thought policeman for the family.

I am thinking that it may be worth while paying for my parents to have a romantic dinner somewhere nice just the two of them on their anniversay and then hold an informal family gathering at the weekend. I sometimes think I am so close to the mess I can't think rationally.

MMXIV

I'm thinking the only way for tensions (from your older sis) not to exist at an occasion is for her not to be there. You could send her a warm and polite invitation (somehow) with RSVP and your telephone number on it which basically requires her to talk to you if she wants to accept. She probably won't call you and accept or turn up so then it'll be fine. Given the day is about your parents you should try and make light of your sister's absence, make some diappointed noises and then enjoy the day :-)

Maybe spinning this event as a casual thing - like not too much planning has gone into it and see how it goes on the day - this will make it less formal and therefore less of an issue that your older sister isn't there.

Good luck

mmxiv

nugget

there is also the issue that as any gathering is likely to be held in their home town as my mum does not like to travel, my presence may compromise my inactive sister and force the issue for her especially if my older sister knows she is attending an event where I am likely to be. She may not be ready to cut the cord completely yet. Trust me my older sister will stomp all over the moral high high ground if she thinks she is in possession of it.

Mickey mouse

Nic said:

All I can suggest is that you sit down with your Mum & Dad over a cup of tea and ask them how THEY would like to celebrate their 50th.

And you said:

I am thinking that it may be worth while paying for my parents to have a romantic dinner somewhere nice just the two of them on their anniversay and then hold an informal family gathering at the weekend.

These are the two thoughts I would go with. to you nugget, it's not an easy situation. x

I have a problem any suggestions would be appreciated

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