" I would not have been so open with my questions, it got me nowhere and I am now treated by my JW family as though I am DF'd or DA'd, when I am simply a fader. "
Exactly my situation as well. I rather naively felt that I ought to have conversations with family members & elders & give them a reason as to why I was resigning as an elder & stopping going to meetings. In virtually every single case my confidentiality was breached , what I said was twisted & I was gossiped about and now am shunned by all my JW family , even though I'm not DFd or DAd.
The one thing I would do differently is not say anything to anyone , even well meaning elders / parents / family members , and certainly never put anything in writing or say anything that could be used against you in any way in front of 2 witnesses. I would stick to a very plain vague line ( such as "I am working through a few issues at the moment and I don't want to discuss it" or , if legitimate , focus on a specific issue "disturbed about paedophilia in "the truth" / stumbled by a JW etc).
I also probably would have bitten the bullet a few years earlier as well. Putting the decision off just makes things worse in the long term. Best to get the cancer cut out earlier.