Being a JW is like being in an abusive relationship

00DAD

How many of you feel that being a JW is like being in an abusive relationship? What do you think are the similarities? The differences?

My father was abusive both physically and emotionally? At first when I became a JW I felt that I had found a haven from all the abuse I'd experienced as a child and young adult. I really looked forward to the healing to take place, but then after a while I started having the same kinds of feelings:

Nothing was ever good enough
Do more? Why can't you do more?
Why can't what you be better?
We don't make mistakes, you misunderstood/lacked-faith/doubted
It's your fault, not ours
Don't question
Just do what I'm telling you
No, we do NOT want your opinion
Pressure to Conform:
- How to dress
- Groom
- What tv/movies are ok to watch, what are not
- Same with music, books, magazines
- How much to drink
- Who can and cannot be your friends
- Who you can and cannot fall in love with and marry
- What kinds of employment are acceptable, what is not
- What kinds of education are acceptable, what is not
- What kinds of recreation are acceptable, what is not

When I started seeing the cracks and flaws, they hypocrisy and deceptions, I began looking for the door. Granted, my exit was messy, but even in retrospect I'm not sure how I could have avoided any collateral damage, or if that's even possible.

Then when I was disfellowshipped there was the huge guilt-trip and the overwhelming coldness of the isolation.

Just like good old dad ... only worse. At least my dad provided a home and food for me and a measure of material things. The WTBTS has never given me a single thing, not one. They just take, take, take and never give. Every promise they ever made has remained unfulfilled, and now I've lost my family and all my friends.

iCeltic

Spot on. Although I thought at the time the crap I took was Gods way of making me a better person, after all, that's what I was constantly being taught.

Apparently the three jobs I did at the hall weekly was never quite good enough.

discreetslave

Same here. I don't have much more to add to what you said. Except when I left I didn't have guilt. I did wonder if I was good enough to go through life on my own without the religion. I was drawn to the religion because it appeared to be a contrast to the way things were for me growing up to find out it was just another dysfunctional relationship in disguise

wha happened?

Like?

00DAD

WH: Do you mean, "IS!"? (Sounds like your usual sarcasm)

DS: How did you avoid the guilt? I'm over it now, but it was overwhelming at first. That was 3 years ago.

iC: Isn't it strange how at first we can convince ourselves that what is in actuality abuse is somehow supposed to be "good for us". It's that Hebrews 12 "Discipline from Jehovah" crap. Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of discipline, but discipline and abuse are not the same thing at all.

wha happened?

it really is. It's a completely once sided arrangement that leaves u feeling exhausted and guilty in the end

Shanagirl

Watchtower is the "abusive parent" of their disfunctional religous family.

Shana

00DAD

Exhausted and guilty is right. Not exactly in fulfillment of Jesus' words at Matthew 11:28-30:

28 Come to me, all YOU who are toiling and loaded down, and I will refresh YOU. 29 Take my yoke upon YOU and learn from me, for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and YOU will find refreshment for YOUR souls. 30 For my yoke is kindly and my load is light.”:

wha happened?

I would have loved to have repeated that scripture after one of the many "beating meetings" I had to endure during my divorce

panhandlegirl

One of the differences I see is that the wbts cannot beat you physically. If they could, they would probably burn us at the stake or put us on the rack! They behave just like inquisidors i.e. Judicial Committes. Would anyone else but a JW

put up with that? We have lived under an opressive regimen while in the midst of "the land of the free and the home of the brave." They trample all over our constitutional rights. I just read the book "Gods Jury" and could not help but

see the similarities between the organization and the Inquisition.

Being a JW is like being in an abusive relationship

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