Being a JW is like being in an abusive relationship

by 00DAD 18 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Dagney

  Yes, I do. It was the straw really. Aside from all the stuff that you know is crap, just one day during a typical, demeaning WT study accompanied with typical arrogant comments I just snapped and never went back. I told people when I left that no matter what anyone does, they are always swimming upstream against the current, with faults and weaknesses constantly pointed out to them...it just wears a person down until they feel so unworthy...or "undeserving". lol.

  A former elder friend used to refer to the "needs" talk in the service meeting as "spanking the congregation."

  It is absolutely abusive when a person is not allowed to grow to be best of themselves.

  00DAD, well said.
• 

  irondork

  I trusted the organization and the governing body implicitly. I carried out every instruction to the best of my ability and always felt guilty for being unable to do more. When I came to realize they didn't give a squat for me, but rather considered me a slab of meat to turn in time, money, sweat and exhaustion every month, it was like learning your lover only used you for your money; screwed you for what he could get and then moved on to the next sucker.

  I felt stupid. Used. An emotional disaster. Kinda like being in an abusive relationship.
• 

  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  Great analogy!
• 

  blondie

  That's what made me finally separate from my abusive jw family. I had been going to a therapist to deal with my family abuse. I was improving and my family upped the abuse. My only choice was to stop seeing them. I'll add that I was still going to the KH and was considered a good jw. I learned a lot from going to Al-Anon and how I was not responsible for their happiness. Being a JW is BEING in an abusive relationship.
• 

  00DAD

  Blondie: Being a JW is BEING in an abusive relationship.

  Yes, I agree. I didn't intend for my use of the word "like" to minimize what a destructive, damaging thing it is in any way.

  But I suspect that is obvious from my OP and your comment and the similar ones above are just emphasizing how true it is.
• 

  flipper

  00DAD- I agree with your analogy in your opening thread. Great thread by the way ! Being raised a JW from birth myself, I had a similar relationship with my dad as it sounds you did. Nothing was ever GOOD enough for my long time JW elder father. I never received compliments at all for ANYTHING from him ( my mom yes she complimented me, not dad ) - my dad always quoted that stupid scripture to me , " after we have done everything say " we are good for nothing slaves what we have done is what we ought to have done. " I must have heard that damned expression at least one hundred times in my formative years > I'd always ask my dad, ' Yeah dad, but can't I ENJOY or FEEL GOOD about WHAT I've accomplished ? ' Then he'd just get silent. My dad and I had a strange relationship, I still do have a strange relationship with him even though he's 86 ! He's still mind controlled , and he is controlling as well towards my 84 yr.old JW mom - which causes distance between him and me as I believe it's unethical to control anybody, especially my mom.

  But like you said, as JW's we all experienced abuse of our minds at the kingdom hall, assemblies, and in front of elders whether at judicial committees or just being controlled informally by manipulation and coercion. And if we came from an alleged " strong " JW family - the pressure to " perform " for the WT society was even greater. Jesus, I'm glad those years are behind me now. I have SO much less stress. A lot more happiness too being out of it over 8 years now
• 

  LongHairGal

  00DAD:

  Yes, it was an abusive relationship, pure and simple. My experience in the religion was one big disappointing head-trip, complete with charades, hypocrisy, guilt trips, bait-n-switch, jealousy, deluded, dysfunctional people (did I leave anything out?) Jesus's supposedly "light load" was a ton of bricks.

  The whole thing was emotionally unhealthy for me and I didn't start to feel "human" again until I started my "fade". It was so refreshing to be rid of it all!!
• 

  No Room For George

  Like?

  LOL, exactly! More like........... Is.
• 

  Narcissistic Supply

  It's a very abusive co dependency between a narcissist (drug addict) and a narcissist supplier (drug dealer).

  The narcissists suppliers will develop stockholm syndrome over time. The narcissist will use you as long as you provide them opportunity. When you no longer provide opportunity they will discard you and devalue you by the same degree that they once held you in esteem.

  JW's are just batshit crazy.

  Next!