Need some good parenting advice...

by diana netherton 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  diana netherton

  I have a son who will be 20 in May. He's, by all accounts, what you would consider the

  "perfect child." Has never given me any grief or hassle, even as a baby, and I have

  never had to punish him or ground him....downside is that, although he's very bright,

  especially with computers, he's terribly unmotivated. He has a job at a petrol station almost

  full time, in which he's never called off or been late. His boss told me he's the best worker he's ever

  had. Of course, at 8 bucks and hour, it's not a great payer. He also works part time at a science

  museum doing demonstrations for kid's birthday parties on weekends. I wish he would go to college,

  but I can't force it.

  My problem is I have an uncle who owns a steam train business. My son has been fascinated by

  trains all his life. My uncle has offered him a unique opportunity to fly to Texas and help out with a

  big project. He will pay him, pay for the hotel and airfare. It starts next Monday. I called his boss yesterday

  to give him a head's up and explained to him the opportunity and that he's going. I booked the ticket today.

  When I called my son to tell him I had booked the ticket, he told me that his boss won't let him have the

  time off and he can't go. I tried to tell him that he can certainly go but he's standing his ground saying

  he can't go (not that he doesn't want to.) He's afraid of upsetting his boss. My son has always been super

  sensitive and afraid to speak up or hurt other people's feelings.

  I am pulling my hair out. I booked the ticket (fully refundable) but I don't know what to do to convince

  him that this is a great opportunity. My uncle is getting up there in years and has no children to help

  out with the business and this could be a great opportunity. I just can't see my son selling lottery

  tickets and making coffee for the rest of his life and ending up just like his boss.....older and miserable.

  How would you parents handle this??? Help!
• 

  tec

  Unfortunately, you can't make him go.

  But I would have him over, and sit him down with a full presentation type thing, and just lay things out. Stay calm about it. I think boys are in their twenties before the part of their brain that weighs pros and cons for the future is fully developed. But maybe if you can get him to see it laid out, he'll get it. Also, ask him if he's even interested. Perhaps he's not fighting for it because he doesn't want to do it?

  Peace,

  tammy
• 

  ShirleyW

  "I called his boss yesterday

  to give him a head's up and explained to him the opportunity and that he's going"

  PLEASE explain if I'm not following this correctly, but does the above mean that you, mommy, called the boss of your 20 year old son, to ask for time off for your 20 year old man to have time off?

  If I think I'm following this correctly sounds like you're doing things or him that he should've started doing on his own.
• 

  Gayle

  oh, your son sounds so wonderful.//Perhaps since he's sensitive, you could turn for him to be sensitive toward his granduncle who will be needing help in his business. Encourage him helping his "family" (his uncle) should come first.

  Or, maybe he is wanting to be independent of mom..getting sensitive about not wanting mom to 'direct' him. (I know, I have 3 grown sons, so I have to be so careful about that too)

  Or better, could granduncle give him a call? (totally granduncle's idea, not yours, of course!)
• 

  diana netherton

  Shirley W, you're right. I called his boss for him..and perhaps this is all my fault. Perhaps

  I've done too much for him. I don't know. I just don't want this opportunity to go for him.

  Gayle, he has talked to his uncle. I do think he wants to go but doesn't want to

  disappoint his boss. With three sons, is that how you would handle this?

  He'll be a 40-year-old petrol station worker living with me!
• 

  Think About It

  Diana.....great job of raising your son so far. Learn a lesson and don't call his boss like that again. In fact, now call his boss and apologize for calling in the first place. Use this call as an opportunity to tell his boss that you were just caught up in how good an opportunity this is for your son. After that, continue to sit with your son and consider together all the various ways this opportunity will benefit him. Hope he goes for it momma.

  Think About It
• 

  nugget

  Even at 20 some people can't wait to get out into the world and others are timid and cling to the familiar. For your son he would be trvelling away from home and doing someting unfamiliar and giving up a secure job even though the pay is dreadful.

  I would ask him if he had been granted the time off how would he feel about the opportunity with his Uncle? Where does he see his life going in the next 5 years?

  Get the paper and see how many jobs there are offering the wage he has now and if there are many show him that even if he does not retain his job at the petrol station then as he is a good worker there are other jobs out there paying the same low wage who would love to have him. It is also very likely that his boss would have him back in a heartbeat and he is just pressurising him because he is a good worker and good workers are hard to come by.

  Point out to him that opportunities like the one offered by his uncle are rare ones and at 20 he is young enough to take risks and try new things when we get older it is the opportunites we let pass us by we regret. This is an opportunity to do something new with the comfort and support of family.

  At the end of it all he is a grown up and capable of making his own decisions even the wrong ones. As a parent you can only advise.
• 

  Dagney

  I was your son at 20, passed up opportunities at the time that would have changed the course of my life. I had just changed jobs and "didn't want to be unfair" to the new boss. It's just the way an inexperienced, young person thinks...making it about personal loyalty to somebody else rather than designing/creating your own life. It was a huge mistake.

  What Nugget said. Good luck.
• 

  AnonJW

  Wow, is that you in the pic? A twenty year old son? You look great !
• 

  diana netherton

  yeah..that's me two years ago. Still look the same. I had him young