Would this bug you?

by still thinking 84 Replies latest jw friends

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    I have a friend, she has been my friend for over 20 years...In that 20 years I have seen her reasonably regularly. I visit her, she visits me.

    The thing that has started bugging me is this.....

    When I visit her it is normally in the daytime. I stop in for a cuppa and a chat. When she visits me, it is always in the evening, always at dinner time and always assumed her and her son will be fed. This has always happened.

    now while I have no issue with having friends round for dinner...shouldn't they be invited to eat?

    She has arranged again to come tonight...and will bring dessert...already assuming she will be fed and watered. The bring dessert thing just ensures dinner is included in the visit and only happens occasionally. I get the impression it happens when she senses she shouldn't be inviting herself.

    The other thing that bugs me, is there is NEVER any offer to help clean up. Not even taking plates to the dishwasher or putting them on the bench. I cook the meal, I clean up the meal, and then I spend all evening making sure they have hot and cold drinks.

    My question is...am I being mean spirited? She is my friend after all, and maybe it is just that we are so comfortable around each other that this behaviour should be seen as good. Almost like family. Or, is my niggle justified. Is she taking the piss?

    What would you do?

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    we teach people how they can treat us...

    what have you taught your friend?

    oz

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    I have a sneaking suspicion you are right...how do I change that without offending? I don't like feeling I am being taken advantage of. It makes the friendship feel unballanced.

    I have actually commented in the past...about helping out and not having things for dinner. Occasionally there clearly isn't enough to spread around. Maybe I'm too subtle?

  • Scully
    Scully

    How to change things?

    Start showing up at her place at dinner time, expecting to be invited to say and don't bother helping with the clean up, and see how she likes it.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    LOL Scully...I would NEVER do that...besides...I would still be waiting for an invitation, I wouldn't have the nerve to show up with dessert.

    So, earlier she text me saying she would bring dessert...(no invitation)...I replied that I suppose I better find something to cook...she replied....I don't mind, anything will do.

    What should I have said? I hate being rude to friends...I am aware that some things I think are rude actually aren't...but I just haven't figured out which. Can you tell I grew up in a dysfunctional home?

  • james_woods
    james_woods

    This thread is worthless without pictures.

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Thanks James

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Ok...I'll admit, it hasn't just started bugging me...it has bugged me on and off for years..

    But sometimes it doesnt bother me...maybe I just have pangs of wanting to be treated better.

  • NOLAW
    NOLAW

    I will bring the bones!

    NOLAW

    - Tell her that you are very busy to cook and ask her to cook!

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    Has anyone else been through something similar? How did you handle it without damaging your friendship?

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