on the fence - an introduction

by so confused 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • so confused
    so confused

    I was brought up around the truth. My dad was disfellowshiped when I was young, around 6-7. He was a elder and very devoted even going to jail when he was younger for the truth. He had a stroke and started preaching things that the society was not teaching and he was disfellowshiped. Someone even stated he was talking to demons. Not thinking right. The stroke greatly effected his brain and they did not understand about dementia back in the '70s.

    Anyway my mom could not deal with it all and took me away from him and all the family in the truth I new. My mom was pretty much inactive my entire life; we did not go to meetings or assemblies. Only attended the memorial every year. My mom was working a lot, 7 days a week. Anyway I did not celebrate holidays or birthdays but never knew why.

    When I was in my early teens my brother, who was a elder, was visiting and asked a witness to come to the door to study with me. So once a week this older sister whould come and study with me from age 13 - 20. I would pray sometime that she would not show up so we did not have to study. I got baptized when I was 21. Just accepting everything I was told and never looked into other religions. I never questions anything. I pioneered for a while, 3 years. I moved and married a brother and have been married for over 10 years.

    My husband recently has been questioning things from the society and the bible. I was at first angry, scared because all I wanted my whole life is to have someone go to the meeting with me and a family of my own. I felt like I was losing that. I even thought if he was not a witness anymore he would cheat on me and divorce me. I felt like I was having an emotional and mental breakdown. I was crying at the time and started to hyperventale. We were arguing all the time, not talking about the real issue that was making us both upset. He stated he was having doubts but did not want to tell me about what. After bothering him about it he finally did and he talked about the penguins and how could there be a global flood. I feel my husband is very smart and started to listen to his reasoning. This is the first time I started to reason in my life and not just accept what the society said.

    I continued to make some meetings, especially because we have a son and I was worried about him and him not being destroyed at armeggedon. Then I tied in for a couple weeks, then stopped even doing that. I was told that my decision will have a huge impact on his life. Anyway I continued to read things on the internet becoming obsessed, reading old watchtowers until the middle of the night. When I read things people wrote and say that old Watchtowers and Awakes said certin things I could not believe it. At first I thought people where writing things and changing quotes from watchtower so I would read the accurate article from CD rom. My husband and I picked up a couple of other bibles and starting reading them and the NWT. I looked in the reference bible and saw in the footnotes that Jehovah's name was inserted and other words that change the meaning of scriptures.

    I spoke to my mom about it because even though she does tie in to the meetings she is not really active. I thought she was listening but she told me she was disappointed in me for believing what apostates are telling me. It really hurt me. My husband and I have not told any others of our family because worried how they will react. I keep thinking about my baby and want him to be happy and safe. I think of what I would do if he needed a blood transfusion? I could not let him die especially when leaning the blood in the bible was talking about animals and blood letting. If someone did eat blood they where told to clean themselves and they where fine in jehovah's eyes; they where not disfellowshiped. I keep on thinking of all those witnesses that lost family and children. Jehovah does not want sacrifice of his little ones. Jesus wants mercy not sacrifice.

    It's so sad. It makes me sick. I look at the pictures in the watchtower about the paradise and smiling people, then I think of all the 7 billion people woman, children, mental handicaped, will all be destroyed in front of us. And we should be praying for this time. I keep on think about Abraham and him talking to god about not destroying Sodom if 10 people where found to be righteous. It is unthinkable of god he said. I want to make the right decision and want to do what is right. I want my son to be a happy well adjusted child with friends and a love for god. My husband said we only need the bible and jesus to teach him.

    I keep on researching and printing things off so I remember what I've read because everything is blending together. My head believes that things have not been done correctly by the of society but my heart still does not want to believe everything I read. But the bible does say the heart is treacherous.

  • craigulous
    craigulous

    They use many tools to indoctrinate us, things like saying the "heart is treacherous". That is trying to get us to deny our own intuition and not listen to our own conscience, when it may be screaming leave. Martin Luther said that "reason is the great enemy of faith". That is true, but that is not a bad thing. Having faith without reason is the tool of the manipulator, we were given reason.... for a reason, to use critically. Do not ignore common sense and logic, it is your friend. Your husband sounds like a sharp guy, he is not trying to steer you wrong. Read the Old Testament without the blinders on, and without the aid of the "societies" publications, and see what you honestly think of Jehovah. Is this a loving God?

    You are on the right path, but I will not tell you it is easy. Do not limit your studies to Christianity, go on a quest for truth, and it does not exist in one location. Anyone who tells you they have it is a liar, because absolute truth can never be reached on this mortal plane. The journey is more important than the destination.

    Good luck on your new adventure, seeking is the most exciting thing in the world. Thinking that you already know, or have the truth limits anything new or outside of what you already believe. That is the example of dead faith and belief.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    First of all, welcome to JWN! Now, take a deep breath and exhale...you've come to the right place. There are many people who have stood where you now stand that will be able to advise you on your next steps as well as share their own personal experiences.

    Let me start by saying what a shame it is that your father was treated with such contempt. I'm quite certain that doctors knew all about dementia and mental deterioration from a stroke back in the 70's. But the WT and its minions would rather just get rid of a naysayer regardless of his circumstances. As a frequent JWN poster says, "Cults shoot their wounded!".

    Although your mother is physically out of the cult, she is still mentally in. What a horrible situation for her.

    As for the "loving" jws who threatened you with the life of your son, please be advised that threat has been used for over 100 years now. So far, no one has lost a baby to Armageddon.

    And good for you for standing by your husband and listening to his reasoning! There are so many good and decent men here who have been abandonded or at least ignored by their wives who are under cult mind control.

    The first book you should probably read is Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. He was a governing body memeber who resigned and then was later df'd for eating lunch with another brother who da'd. Please note that this punishment came before it was a WT rule to shun those who da'd themselves. Anyway, it will give you an honest look inside the organization. Probably the second most reccommended book is Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan. He was never a jw but escaped the clutches of the Moonie cult. Now he teaches therapists about how to treat former cult members.

    Until you can get your hands on those books and others, just go through this list of eight criteria for mind control listed below. Think about how the critieria fits into the life of a jw. Then everytime you have anxiety about Armageddon or any of the other threats used by the Watchtower cult, read that list again. It will help you to overcome your fears with logic.

    http://www.csj.org/studyindex/studymindctr/study_mindctr_lifton.htm

    Once you wrap your head around the WT being a cult, you'll be free to explore all kinds of religious beliefs. I hope your husband joins us here. In the meantime, I'm sending you my contact information via private message. Just click on the blue envelope in the upper right hand corner of the screen. Click on the message. You'll get an error message, so use the back arrow button, click on refresh and try again.

    You and your family are about to embark on living a free life. Congrats!

  • s0rt3d
    s0rt3d

    Hello On the Fence. Your confusion is understandable and there are many here who have been where you are. Give yourself the time you need to digest all the information. Take things slowly, talk to your husband - discuss the things - the real truth - you are learning about the WBTS and the JW teachings. Just take things slowly. You are very fortunate that you can have his support - that you can support each other - as you take steps to true freedom.

    This forum can be very helpful. You might want to also check out JWfacts. On YouTube have a look at exgileadmissionary's videos: they helped me a lot in understanding how faulty JW doctrine is.

    Please also be assured that you've nothing to fear where Armageddon and your son is concerned. I came into contact with 'The Truth' over two decades ago and we are STILL no where near 'the end' that they terrorize people with.

    If it might help, please have a read of this experience: http://s0rt3d.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/is-there-life-after-truth.html

    Remember: you're not alone!

  • s0rt3d
    s0rt3d

    EDIT: sorry 'so confused' - it's almost midnight here and it's been a looong day.

    I'll take the opportunity to say 'Goodnight' and 'Goodbye'. Hope you have a good week.

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    Welcome. Your "confusion" is actually you using your brain, so don't worry. It is scary and a bit disorienting when you start out, but quite a relief when things finally settle down. Again, welcome!

  • Knowsnothing
    Knowsnothing

    Welcome! Glad your husband sees things for what they are.

  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Welcome So Confused! So sorry to hear how they treated your father. It's not unusual. I know someone who had a very serious bout with mental illness, and started saying alarming things. They df'd that person, and whey they needed the love and support of those they had known all their lives, none of them would even speak! "Worldly" people had to come to the person's aid.

    So you've started a scary journey! Congratulations. It takes courage, and you have it.

    While you are searching, also look at science and history as part of you quest for information. There is much to be found there too. JW's have misrepresented both on a nearly criminal level.

    I wish you the best. I hope to hear a lot from you in the coming months.

    NC

  • edmond dantes
    edmond dantes

    Welcome,

    Take things steady and don't try to get all the answers at once ,your way through the confusion will come more clear to you as time passes.

    The men who operate the Watchtower organisation are just ordinary mortals like the rest of us . They have no more insight than the Wizard of Oz they just think they have and those who held top positions within the Org. during the last 100 years who are now dead and buried made the same type of spurious claims just like the Governing Body does today it's all nonsense .Try and mentally step back from its grabbing tentacles it's only when you quietly and cautiously entangle your self from its clutches that you will realise how insidious it is .One day you will turn around ask yourself how on earth did I believe that load of old codswallop

    Best Wishes,

    Edmond.

  • pbrow
    pbrow

    Welcome!! I cant tell you how good it makes me feel to see someone learning to trust themselves even though it is very difficult at first. The most important thing you can do in my opinion is never again accept someone elses answer to something if it doesnt make sense to you! It is a mantra I drive into my children all the time and it is very appropriate for all of us who are "growing up" out of the JW mentality.

    good luck!

    pbrow

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