One sister 10 years, the other one 7.
JK
How Many Years have your JW Relatives Shunned You ?
by flipper 55 Replies latest jw friends
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designs
From my brother about 10-12 years.
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Lady Lee
flipper
I feel like you - a sense of duty I suppose to encourage any family member who wants the support.. Too many feel abandoned for refusing to be good little JWs.
Sometimes I feel an emptiness where family should be. I feel like an orphan. But my mother was like this before she became a JW. In her case it seems that the JW beliefs serve her purpose to keep all her kids at atms length. If she doesn't see us she won't be reminded of all the abuse and neglect and sheer abandonmetn she heaped on all of us.
But life goes on and while I have made some mistakes I feel geed about everything I have accomplished since I left the JWs. I don't need their approval anymore and in my family that was all it ever was. Not too many families are as f*cked up as mine - thank goodness. So in my case it is actually a blessing that they shun me.
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panhandlegirl
they somehow magically determined in less than 1/2 an hour that I do not have a contrite heart.
00DAD, I was df'd the first time when I was 17. When the "Cuban Crisis" happened I was so scared. I was sure Armageddon was coming and I was a gonner. It was a little over a year since my disfellowshipment and a I had
attended meetings faithfully, when I approached the elder, who was not much older than me and had been my friend since childhood, about reinstatement. His answer to me was "Jehovah may have already forgiven you, but we
haven't" End of conversation. I was reinstated a couple of months later. It was a horrible year for a 17 year old. They would not even allow my mother to sit next to me. Does that sound like child abuse? These elders can mess up
your mind.
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panhandlegirl
Lady Lee, looks like you and I have been shunned about the same number of years, nearly half of our lives. You certainly have a sad story. I just wonder what "normal" people would think about all these stories. They seem so
outrageous. For some reason, my mother never shunned me. I'm glad your aunt doesn't shun you. We all need someone in our family to speak to us.
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flipper
Thanks for all the great experiences. I feel your pain . I know that's an expression, perhaps a bit cliche , but sincerely I DO feel your pain. Been there done that , still experiencing it myself in being shunned by my adult daughters. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my JW daughters. I have cried tears through the years occasionally over the separation. I feel sincere pity for them in how they are being " used " and abused by the WT society. My hope is that someday they will grow beyond the mind control and exit the JW organization to be free again. I have this same hope for you folks and your relatives.
WHA HAPPENED ? - Yeah, I know a " cool " religion ? I know you were having tongue in cheek humor there ! LOL ! I like your illustration about the mother shunning her child. When you think about it, in actuality, Jehovah's Witnesses promote parents to do just that by putting first the WT society and their needs to the neglect of their children inside the cult. I've heard so many other born-ins like myself complain of how their dad neglected them growing up due to being an elder running around taking care of all the JW's problems- but not their own childrens problems. Also- I've talked to born-ins whose parents neglected them so they could " pioneer " and constantly be in the field service- to the neglect of their JW children. So yeah, good point. I agree.
JOOKBEARD- I' m so sorry you have experienced this shunning in your life. Experienced that too. 20 years is a long time to see your family in single figures. You are right the WT society leaders are evil bastards.
PANDLEHANDLEGIRL - I was so impressed reading your post. I'm glad that you valued your freedom of speech in NOT letting the elders determine what you would or would not talk about with your husband. I know 28 years is a hell of a long time to be shunned by your family . I'm glad though, however, that you have siblings who are out of the Witnesses that have been a support to you, and you to them. That's a good thing. Kudos to you for going to college and getting your BA degree. Very cool. I feel the same as you towards my JW siblings who don't want to be with me- if they don't want my company, I don't want theirs either. The comment from your older sister about not talking to you because of the organizations rules, yet she still loves you- it's very apparent how the mind control of the WT society turns off the natural human emotions in JW's and causes people like your sister to make such comments. I'm sorry she said that to you. Your sister is just mind controlled. Please know we care here.
NUGGET- I'm sorry your JW family has been so rude in their shunning of you. Your sister influencing your mom to shun you is what I go through with my JW ex-wife who influences my adult JW daughters to shun me as well. Some of these JW's are so fanatic in their views - they totally forget about being civil, humane, or ethical. You bring out a great point is that it's sad that WE can't express OUR views or siide of the story- meanwhile our ex-JW friends and family make their opinions of us based on rumor, gossip, and speculation. I can only imagine what's been said about me where I used to live with my JW ex-wife many years ago. I've learned to just not care about what they say anymore over the years. They're all a bunch of idiots as far as I'm concerned. Hang in there sis. At least you have your hubby Cantleave to be a support to you, and your children. Keep on keeping on, O.K. ? You guys will do fine. I'm with you.
CANTLEAVE- Thanks for posting that thread link from your wife about the cult conference. Please let us know what happens at the conference, O.K. ?
JEN- I'm so sorry you came from a strict " uber JW " family- I did too. To be shunned in the rude manner you were by them is demented on their part. A true sign of cult mind control . To stare at you during a funeral to make you nervous ? It's obvious that the WT training makes them turn off fellow feeling and normal human emotions. It's sick. Hang in there sis. We're here for you.
JAM- I'm so sorry the JW cult and WT society destroyed your family. To not be allowed to meet your JW nieces and nephews since 1987 is criminal. This organization needs to go away or be dismantled. Remember you have friends here who understand Jam.
OODAD- I'm sorry the elders didn't see fit to listen to your voice of reason. But remember, they're in a mind controlled cult- you are not. They are trained even as elders to be bereft of any " mistaken kindness " ( I actually remember that term being used years ago at an assembly ) so their directives are to keep the organization clean first, show mercy secondly. It's twisted, it's a screwed up view, but we are dealing with a screwed up organization here. Your take that you were emotionally and spiritually abused is very accurate- the elders are more concerned about THEIR appearance than your peace of mind. Please remember bro, we're here for you. We've talked before on the phone, I'd like to chat sometime soon, O.K. ? Hang in there buddy.
JAGUARBASS- Consider yourself VERY lucky that your JW relatives still associate with you. It sounds like you have lots of JW relatives that perhaps don't believe the WT society rhetoric. Good for you and them.
DISILLUSIONED LOST LAMB- Exactly. Good point. MANY DFEd or DAEd people are great people ! One suggestion : DO NOT do what your JW family is expecting of you in shunning your DFed relatives. Don't allow yourself to be controlled by your active JW relatives, unethical , inhumane, and wrong views in shunning your DFed relatives. Be a support to your DFed relatives.
LADY LEE- Wow. All I can say is wow. I'm so sorry you've gone through such pain, suffering, and shunning in your post - JW life. 27 years is a hell of a long time to be shunned by ANY relatives, JW or not ! Your mom's behavior is a classic example of how WT society mind control tactics turns off natural human emotions as she is so able to dissociate from YOUR suffering and change the subjects so readily to ignore your situation. Isn't it insane ? It really is. Even though you have gone through all of this - please be assured of our unconditional affection and support to you, O.K. ? Hang in there sis.
LOZHASLEFT- Very kind words from you. I appreciate it. My heart goes out to everybody suffering here as well. Thanks so much
I'll come back and reply to pg. 2 posts in a few minutes.
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flipper
JRK- My dear friend, I know you've suffered emotional & physical shunning from your JW siblings like I have too. We both have been classified as the proverbial " red headed step child " in our JW familes. All we can say is like the Alan Parsons Project once said " I Wouldn't Want to Be Like You " to our JW relatives. At least you and I are sane- can you imagine being stark raving mad and not being aware of it like our JW relatives ????? I'm with ya bro.
DESIGNS- I'm sorry you've been shunned by your brother for 10- 12 years. I'm sure it hurts. I know yur pain from my daughters shunning me for 5 years now. Hang in there guy, we're here for you.
LADY LEE- I agree with you on your take about your JW mother - it's like " out of sight, out of mind " to her like you stated that if she doesn't SEE you physically she doesn't have to be reminded of the abuse and neglect she doled out to you for years . Please be assured of our unconditional love and support to you, O.K. ?
PANHANDLEGIRL- Indeed, I think you were abused. The elder who told you that " Jehovah may have forgiven you, but we haven't " is a absolute dickhead weasel. VERY arrogant. As you stated, I think normal people reading these stories would consider these stories insane . We're here for you Pandhandle girl , remember that
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AwSnap
About 2 1/2 years. I sent my sister a goofy happy birthday e-card for her 1 year old daughter. It was sent to my sister's email. But then I realized it was stupid to do, and I apologized a couple days later. In fact, I was able to sit down with my sister to somewhat explain why I'm not a jw anymore. Basically, she broke down in tears and said she couldn't talk to me anymore. In the past 2 1/2 years, I think I've received 1 or 2 text messages from her. I have a baby now, and my sister never asked how I was doing during the pregnancy. Never offered advice. My sister just had her 2nd child yesterday morning....she never even told me she was pregnant. I was not invited to the baby shower. Wasn't told about the baby shower. And the rest of my jw family talk to me about her as though she's just a good friend of theirs....they don't realize that, when they tell me stories about my niece, I no longer know the little girl they are talking about. And when my mother mentioned the newborn baby yesterday, I felt like saying "Oh YAY! ANOTHER person who will shun me!"
It blows my mind that we are not allowed to explain to our family why we do not believe anymore. I was soooooo careful when I spoke with her 2 1/2 years ago. I stayed calm and tried to explain a few things that bothered me. Obviously, it wasn't accepted.
ps: I am not df'd or da'd.
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flipper
AWSNAP- Wow. I feel your pain about not being informed of your sisters baby's birth. I often wonder if my JW adult daughters in the future would even inform me if they get pregnant or expect a baby. I have my doubts. I'm so sorry your JW family is treating you this way the last 3 years- please know and be aware that you have friends in us on this board. Hang in there kiddo. Peace out, mr. Flipper
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jamiebowers
It's going on 24 years that my jw mom has shunned me. Aside from a few phone conversations about family health history, contact has been non-existent. Sometimes it bothers me that I don't have a mother, but I don't miss her personally. She allowed her husband to molest me and mentally torture my younger brother for years due to cult mind control. It's my opinion that she's a toxic person, and I never would've allowed her around my stepkids and now my grandkids. Unless she dumps the cult and her husband, I don't want to be near her. She even refuses to attend family reunions, although the elders told her she could since they're held at a public venue. But I think she's too ashamed to shun both of her kids in front of non-jw family, because they all know that she unleashed a pervert on her own children.
I was disfellowshipped three years ago. Since that time I've only had limited contact with my minor son, that in spite of having a court ordered visitation schedule which his mother signed.
00DAD, I thik your emedy is with the courts and not the elders. I hope you pursue it.