How Many Years have your JW Relatives Shunned You ? (page 4)

flipper

JAMIEBOWERS- Your relationship with your JW mother is very similar to Lady Lee's experience with her JW mother on this same thread. I'm sorry you haven't had a mother figure in the last 24 years- however, I totally understand your not letting a toxic person like your JW mom into your life. I believe your mom is like Lady Lee's mom- she doesn't want to deal with you because it reminds her of her criminal negligence in allowing bad things to happen to you growing up. Please know Jamie, I consider you one of the very caring memers of this board. I see you as a concerned person who tries to help others. Please know that we are here for you as well. Take care

blondie

I had siblings/spouses that shunned me when I was an elder's wife and regular pioneer. I came from an severely abusive jw family. When I faded almost 11 years ago, I stopped seeing the abusive part of my jw family, all of them. I immediately felt a weight lift from me. No weddings, funerals, nothing that brought me into contact. Screened my phone calls at home and at work, shredded cards and letters unread. I wish I had done it sooner. I have a loving spouse and a few friends that are true ones.

Flossycat

First wanna say, 'wha happened':- since joining the forum late January I just love your commentaries

Since writing my autobiographical novel 2 years go, about life in and out of the JWs, I've become the apostate - self-explanatory.

Before that, particularly between 1980- 2002 (when my dear, gentle, 'sit-on-the-fence/torn' dad passed away) I never knew what kind of reception I'd get from my JW mother, bros&sis's and JW in-laws. Sometimes it was cordial; other times got the door slammed in my face (figuratively speaking). Here's just a couple of instances:

In my early 20s when my non-JW husband went to jail I didn't tell them. He ended up on a prison farm outside Melbourne - in one of my sister's 'territory'. One evening I get this phone call from her.She hadn't spoken to me in a couple of years because of my 'unchristian' life style. And she starts accusing me of being a liar because I hadn't told the family my husband had gone to jail. It was a time of my life when I really could have done with some comforting words like: is there something I can do to help you? Nope - accusations, lectures and ultimatums: "If you don't tell mum, I will." I just said, I'm not going to tell mum. She didn't speak to me for 12 years. It was me who eventually wrote a letter to her asking her to bury the hatchet. I found out through mum that she'd said 'ok'. btw when we were JWs my sister and I had been very close. It was a shock how she just turned on me.

After I got divorced and got a new boyfriend, even though he wasn't a JW either, she was relieved, and ok about me coming to visit with him - told us we had to sleep in separate bedrooms Boyfriend found it highly amusing. Couple of months later I rang mum and dad to say we'd be up country to visit. Mum said, apologetically, sorry, no can do - the CO or DO (can't remember which) and wife were staying with them that week (in their own caravan in back yard). It would put everyone in an awkward situation if I was there. I (still believing the JWs were the true religion) understood - but my boyfriend was livid: "They call themselves Christians, and they're ostracising their own daughter for some upstart minister. Your mother needs her mouth washed out with soap and water. No - make that her brain washed out!" This was his first real taste of JW-the-chosen-elite type thinking.

When my Dad was hit with aggressive cancer and didn't have long to go I spent weekends with mum and dad. During this time my whole JW family were nice to me. At his funeral most JWs I'd known since childhood were friendly to me. 2 reasons: 1/to put on a good face in front of nonJW friends and family; 2/because they were hoping their friendliness would lead me to repentance... After Dad's passing things quickly went pear-shapped: Visiting mum one weekend, on the last day a MS showed up out of the blue. Mum and I were sitting in the kitchen almost finished lunch. She told me I had to leave the room. With spoon still in hand I looked at her wide-eyed and asked, "Why?" She said, "You know why - because you're disfellowhipped, and Carl can't speak to you." And I said, "But I haven't finished lunch." And resumed eating.

That was the beginning of the end between mum and my JW family. More s...t went down but won't go on here. The bottom line was I found out - whilst Dad was alive he'd stipulated to mum that I was welcome home ANYTIME. Once he'd gone, she had full control. She'd always called herself a spiritual widow. Little did she realise Dad had a billion times more spirituality than the JWs.

talesin

My brother has shunned me for 35 years, I met my 2 nephews once, the rest of my family is the same; my aunts, their kids, my grandfather ... my parents have not shunned me completely, especially after I got ill. Still, it is more of a token love they give --- as long as I play by their 'conditions', we can still talk and visit occasionally, but it is made painfully clear by my mother that I am a complete disappointment to her. None of my accomplishments matter, because I refuse to live a lie.

t

dozy

Since I stopped going to the meetings about 3 years ago ( just faded - not DFd or DAd) , my siblings ( 2 sisters , 1 brother ) all shun. One put it in writing that any attempted contact would be ignored, the others just simply suddenly defriended us on FB & stopped emailing , texting , calling or visiting without saying anything. Complete radio silence. We send anniversary cards & postcards to my brother & sister who haven't put their wishes in writing - one sister sends an anniversary card back to us annually ( the others don't ). My wife still attends , so their actions are pretty harsh and unneccessary.

I have kept in touch with my JW parents who are pretty elderly and visit them every couple of months.

bigmac

i cut all ties to the watchtower at the end of 1980. within 3 years my daughter was old enough to start shunning me--she still does--we met once very briefly 4 years back. i never even recognised her. she has 4 daughters of her own. ive never met them--they only live 8 miles away.

2 years later my sons started to do the same. one stlll does--not seen him in 25 years--hes married and has a child.

but the good news is--my other son was d/f a couple of years back--and we are in contact--building bridges takes time.

dont you just love that religion

00DAD

panhandlegirl: "Jehovah may have already forgiven you, but we haven't" End of conversation. I was reinstated a couple of months later. It was a horrible year for a 17 year old. They would not even allow my mother to sit next to me. Does that sound like child abuse? These elders can mess up your mind.

It is abusive. It is so reprehensible, so unloving, so un-CHRISTIAN! There was a recent thread comparing being a JW with being in an abusive relationship. Check it out!

Being a JW is like being in an abusive relationship

jamiebowers: 00DAD, I thik your remedy is with the courts and not the elders. I hope you pursue it.

Point taken, and that's the way I was thinking about a year ago. But the counselor that my minor son and I were working with advised me against it. He helped me to consider that--although it was my legal right--forcing the issue would only more than likely only further alienate my son that is nearly of age.

Filed under, "Choose your battles."

flipper: I'm sorry the elders didn't see fit to listen to your voice of reason.

Thanks, but we both knew that was likely to be the outcome of my attempt at having my disfellowshipping rescinded. I have a plan and I'm sticking to it, albeit with some flexibility. Mostly I want my sons to see how unreasonable, unloving and un-Christian the whole arrangement is.

Many years ago I had some Iranian roommates. They shared with me one of their proverbs, "I spoke to the chair because I hoped the table was listening."

My going to the elders was/is intended to send a message to my sons and other observers. It's all about the rules, not any "Love of the Christ."

jamiebowers

Point taken, and that's the way I was thinking about a year ago. But the counselor that my minor son and I were working with advised me against it. He helped me to consider that--although it was my legal right--forcing the issue would only more than likely only further alienate my son that is nearly of age.

Filed under, "Choose your battles."

IMO your counselor was ignorant, lazy or both. Neither parent should be alienated from a child, because it's not in the best interest of the child. A good counselor would've supported you in court and helped your son to accept you as an ex-jw and his mother as a jw.

Zordino

I've only started to mention some of the craziness of the religion (I woke up 2 years ago) to my JW parents and they're already almost shunning me now for it. Its insane when you think of the power this cult has over its memebers!.

Lady Lee

so much for their claims of strong family ties. Only until you don't accept every single word we say and do exactly what we say.

When you have th eWTS doling out the punishments it is no onder that the JWs do the same thing Plus fear can be a huge motivator

How Many Years have your JW Relatives Shunned You ?

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