can of worms -ranting

by so confused 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Morbidzbaby

  Hi SC,

  I'm so sorry that you have to go through this...yet, on the other hand, I'm so glad you're seeing things gradually for what they are!! This is such a difficult stage. You want it to be true...a part of you NEEDS it to be true...yet, somehow...it isn't. It's a mental and emotional limbo. "What else is there?" and you're faced with the daunting task of accepting that you have this one human life to live... How do you make it happy and worthwhile?

  You mentioned that your life has been more of "going through the motions" and waiting for paradise... You can be proactive in stopping that cycle right now. At this time, do you enjoy your job? If not, look for one you do enjoy...or maybe a field you always thought was out of reach because it involved going to school and higher education. The possibilities are endless...limited only by your imagination.

  One thing that I'm thoroughly looking forward to is sharing with my children the things I lost out on growing up. You're lucky in that your husband is waking up too. Mine didn't. And I ended up losing my children in the process of me leaving the JW's. They are currently being raised as JW's, and I hope that when they are older they will seek me out. I still find much joy in seeing their world as they present it to me, but it's sad that it's tainted by Watchtower dogma already. I have another child on the way and plan on making sure he or she has everything I missed out on. I guess what I'm saying is that you can find happiness just in seeing the world through your child's eyes. Your baby is still young enough to never ever know what it's like to be raised as a JW and miss out on things. Your child is a blank slate... That opportunity that you have now is incredible.

  So many people wish they could change things, reinvent themselves, live a better life...but never do it because it can be uncomfortable. You have to face some uncomfortable truths, not only about the world around you, but about yourself. If you can take an honest look at things and be willing to change what needs changing, I guarantee you won't be sorry.

  Your husband is right. Life isn't about a destination. As a JW, that's all it has been, hasn't it? It was all about going "home" to paradise. But real life is about the journey. It's about asking the questions you want to ask, finding answers (or not) and continuing to learn and enjoy it. Maybe you'll find another church or group that you enjoy and you'll make genuine friends. You never know unless you try. Until that point, why not find a hobby that you like and a group for it that just so happens to meet on meeting nights? You never know who you will meet.

  The first thing I did when I decided I was really going to fade was take all of my JW friends off of my Facebook and make it private. The second thing I did was add all of my DF'ed family and friends and begin again with them. The funny thing is, if they are completely out, not just physically but mentally as well, they KNOW why you treated them the way you did. They'll just be happy to see you're waking up and will be willing to help and support you in any way they can. So don't worry about that. Your sister is your sister first and foremost. She understands why you shunned her. Get in touch with her and explain how you feel now...and apologize. It goes a long way in healing.

  Lastly, I don't know if I welcomed you before, but in case I didn't, WELCOME. Please don't hesitate to vent, ask questions, ask for clarification, etc. So many people here are a wonderful resource of knowledge and experience.

  My PM box is always open if you want to chat.
• 

  therevealer

  MindBlown has some interesting stuff - But he forgot to take into consideration the over-lapping generation.
• 

  scotoma

  Confused,

  You said: I asked my husband last night what are we going to do now? He stated "find the truth." I stated what if we dont and he stated "then it will be a good journey." He stated he is waiting for me to start the journey, because I'm not ready yet. which I'm not ready.

  The most serious bs you will have to deal with is thinking that you will ever find "truth" in some religious book.

  If you don't get rid of that notion you risk drifting into another trap. ALL religion is cult at the core. They all start out as cults. Once they

  get enough members a lot of the control issues are hard to maintain. Look at the Catholic Church still dictating celibacy for their inner circle of males, and trying to control sexual practices and reproductive decisions of its members.

  Jews still practice ritual mutilation of male sexual organs, abstain from foods, look down on gentiles etc.
• 

  red21

  My wife shunned her sister most of her life because we were being the good little JWs. As a result, we lost allot of time with her sister and never got to know her kids. Thank goodness she did eventually say "screw it" and got in touch with her sister and she flew down and stayed with us. My wife diied last year and at least she had a few good years with her sister...but so much was lost!!!! Her sister has no interest in the truth and never will again...so what is the point? I have known so many "good witnesses" as the saying might be that often do associate with family, at least to some extent. Confused, I think it is time to get off the fence. Go on with your life. My wife and I both got tired of the "guilt" of never feeling as if you were doing enough. We have known many many witnesses but not one of them were truly a friend. I think you will get to a point where you do not miss them. The love the profess is conditional...leave and you will find how conditional it is!!!! I think you will feel better once you make up your mind, but living in limbo is no fun, so I hope you work it out! I personally do not think Witnesses are much more of a cult than any other religion or political group. If you buy into it, then you are expected to conform. No one holds a gun to your head to stay...and true, you might give something up to leave...but that are the decisions THOSE people make. This is YOUR life and you will feel better when you take back YOUR life and make YOUR own decisions! Best wishes!
• 

  ziddina

  Hello again, So Confused!!

  Take your time, honey, the process of finding truth - real truth - and freedom doesn't happen overnight.

  Plus, as you move into being more "independent" - yes, I know that's a "bad" word in Watchtowerland, but it's actually a pretty good mental state to be in, in the real world... As you become more independent, you'll be able to figure out which form of worship suits you best - if you choose any form...

  Time will tell. You can't get to the end of the road/trail immediately; your route consists of many tiny steps...

  Best of results to you!
• 

  Quandry

  WELCOME TO THE FORUM AND TO A LIFE THAT IS YOUR OWN!!!

  I was "in" for over thirty years. How I wish I could have that time back. I am sixty now, and will finish my college degree next December. (hopefully) I spent all those years doing "humble" cleaning jobs that left me exhausted and sick and couldn't begin to support me. Even though I won't be able to start a new and exciting career at sixty, I finally feel some sense of accomplishment and pride of real achievement.

  I like the words quoted by someone on this forum: "Better to have questions you can't answer than answers you can't question."

  Please be thankful that your husband is with you on this journey. It sounds like you have a wonderful family with him and your baby.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Your story is a deja vu experience for me. I'm only a few steps ahead of you in some ways, yet probably lingering behind in others. My wife is s-l-o-w-l-y seeing "the light". This has forced me to take it all in "little steps". Probably a good way to approach it all.

  Good luck in your journey.

  Doc
• 

  breakfast of champions

  You are fortunate that both you and your husband seem to be "awakening" at the same time. It makes it difficult to hear your spouse in "fantasy world" while you're in reality - its almost painful, like hearing an adult talk about santas Claus as if he was real.

  I don't think it's crazy at all to want to believe in everlasting life, a paradise earth - who wouldn't want that? It's just when you sit down, examine the acts and above all are honest with yourself, you simply see "the truth" for what it is: a fabulous myth.

  Good luck in your quest!
• 

  Nice_Dream

  Welcome! It's so nice you and your husband are embarking on this new journey together. I was in a similar position 2 years ago, except my husband wasn't ready to leave the religion yet.

  I shunned my sister for a few years, and didn't go to her wedding because she married a non believer. She wasn't even DF'd, but I shunned her. Years later, I contacted her, and she was so loving and forgiving. Since then we talk on the phone everyday and we are closer now than we were as children.

  Maybe you could make another Facebook account just for you to contact your sister if you'd feel comfortable with that? I have a private group for me and my sister so we can share photos and talk without my JW inlaws seeing.

  Wishing you light and love on your journey.
• 

  so confused

  Thanks everyone. I think I going to make a separate account on my facebook and start by sending her some pictures of when we where younger. Then go from there. It helps to know others where in the same situation and there family forgave them.

  Unlike alot of JW my husband and I did go to college together several years ago and both got our degrees. It was a lot of fun we took classes together, fun stuff like photography. = but we where not working at the time so took out more loans then we should have. But our thinking was this system wont last so we wont have to pay them back. But we both have good jobs. So it probably evens out - barely. Also, my husband being brought up as a JW did home school but he never did the work and got his GED around 19. School helped him so much with his confidence and helped him open up a lot more because he is an introvert. My husband stated that is where he learned the societies articles are not logical and have fallacies. Thats probably why JW dont encourage higher education. I read somewhere that only 4% of witness have a college degree not sure how accurate that is. I think it helped me too because im dyslexic and did not do very good in high school.

  I like my job to a extent and feel im helping others but think I want to try something else but I dont like change. I always wanted to work with animals. But I want to spend more time with my baby especially while he is young. So it will probably take a while to figure things out. Because I like consistancy I think thats why its so hard not being a JW anymore and leaving.

  When I was growing up all i wanted to have was a big family because my own family was messed up. I put off having kids for 9 years of our married life thinking I can do it in the new system and they would have a better life. I was always afraid that someone would hurt him or her because this world is so bad. My husband did not want to have kids because his parents had their own issues and he did not want to hurt his own child like he was emotionally hurt. He could tell it bothered me alot not having a child year after year (we did get alot of animials and did not realize until recently that we got a pet almost every 9 months.) After nine years of marriage we finally had a baby. I am seeing the world through his eyes and it helps me appreciate and see the beauty in world around me.

  I remember my mom asking me "aren't I afraid to bring him up in this world"? I did not have a good reply to her at the time. Lately I have come to realized that not all people are bad. I have become a people watcher (when we are out and about) and it has opened my eyes to know that "worldly" people are the same as us doing their best to bring there childrend up in a loving home and wanting the best for them. He and my husband are my life. I want to have another baby so my son can have a best friend so he does not have to know what its like growing up alone. Especially if our family end up pulling away from us when we finally let them know we are not going to the meeting anymore.

  My husband asked me what I would have done if not being a witness. I want to change things. I hate seeing injustice and want to make a difference in the world we live in. It always bothered me that witnesses where not to get invovled in helping make this world a better place. Because 7 million of us could make a difference. Why would God not want us to do this? Even Jesus fed the hungry and healed the sick. My job is going to have a walk for Alzheimers (raising money) next month and I talked my husband into going with me. This is the 1st time I have joined any "wordly" fund raising and think it is a start. I want to travel and see the world and let my baby experience different cultures and raise him knowing that life can be enjoyable and he can make a difference. So I think I am making baby steps but I know it will take time but I just dont want to waste another minute.