Help! Torn Mother (my mom) between to daughters (me nonJW and pioneer all faithful JW)

Butterflyleia85

My mother's TEXT: "She tried to love u and be ur sis and leave jw out but when she invited u to memorial like last year she was thinking all religions believe in dead of Christ so she wanted u to know when it was and have an invite but u had to send her scriptures back and stuff instead of saying I don’t feel comfortable goin… and u don’t see it that way u blame it all on jw instead of taking some responsibility for trying or not trying but just hurting her with bring up stuff. That hurts her. She tried last summer remember she even went swimming with u and did things with u. It wasn’t until she saw u post things and blame jw that she had to cut ties."

I'm speachless... So many things going through my mind. Why would she say that... I haven't texted back but for one, I only sent her one scripture. Two, I don't blame it ALL on jw... I blame the shunning part yes, I changed my beliefs so that henders my getting undisfellowshipped but claim my own idenity and not as a JW. Three, she only went once to the pool and she said she was being spontancious, I have invited her many times afterwards from that point on to come over or if I could hang out sometime, no responce!! She, my sister, just never texted back! Sooooooo.... That is all a big fat lie! How do I tell my mother calmly and without blowing up... I'm not mad just frusterated and hurt... it's like everything got twisted in her head and I am the bad guy!!

:(

OnTheWayOut

I am not sure what you hope for, but you can say something like "She only invited me to the Memorial and I only responded with why I don't want to go. My posts on the internet had nothing to do with her. If she would like to say nothing about the JW's to me, I will say nothing about the JW's to her and we can be okay."

flipper

BUTTERFLYLEIA- I'm sorry your mom is being unreasonable and your sister is shunning you. As you already probably know this - both of them are mind controlled by the WT society and JW cult or religion so they aren't thinking straight anyways. I know it hurts. My two adult JW daughters still shun me . It's been over 7 years now. At least 5 to 6 years since I've seen them. On The Way Out has a good suggestion there to try to keep OFF of ANY JW topics and just keep on family topics or anything NOT religious or dealing with God or the Bible. It will just cause friction and make a bad situation worse. JW's are trained to look at ANY negative comments about their beliefs or disagreeing comments as " apostate " or Satan inspired ( which of course is ridiculous but hey- they're a ridiculous cult ) so the safest bet is to avoid religious topics at all. ask them how their garden is or something, what dresses they've bought, music they listen to, anything NOT JW. Hope you and hubby are well and also your young child. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

TOTH

Sorry you're going through this. you're not alone, Butterflyleia85. I agree with what OTWO and Flipper said and can only add that leaving the middle man or middle woman in this case, OUT of the pictuture. Nothing works against two people understanding one another like a go-between. All my hopes for a good outcome...

Band on the Run

Indeed. My sister deserted me for thirty years when I became ill. I did not even get a cheap get well card. We were forced to be back in touch. My mom would always go on about my sister with me. She was the femme fatale who wrapped men (never saw any) around her finger. She heard all about me, I was very bright, such a leader, a professional. There was never a balance.

The first step in establishing some tiny zone of comfort with my sister was telling to her that we had to do. The worst thing we could do was run to mom.

Altho I know how my mom operated (her own mom did and it hurt her), I still hurt.

Black Sheep

She chose to raise you both in a church that shuns members that leaves.

It was a gambol and it didn't pay out with Paradise and now she has to decide what price she is going to pay.

You are not guilty of anything.

NewChapter

That's not exactly true. When your sister invited you to the memorial, she WAS speaking to you about JW things. She opened that conversation up, and you responded with your authentic self. You didn't start it.

This is what JW's do. You will always be wrong, you will always be expected to walk on eggshells, and you will always be blamed for your own shunning. They always say it is not THEM that choose to shun you, but YOU that chose to leave them. It's a cult mind trick.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but there was nothing you really could have done. It was simply inevitable. If it hadn't been the scriptures or the posting, she would have found some other reason to justify shunning her sister.

We will just continue to hope that one day she will wake up. You can't live a lie, and that is what they expect you to do. Take care of yourself.

NC

Ding

This is what JW's do. You will always be wrong, you will always be expected to walk on eggshells, and you will always be blamed for your own shunning.

New Chapter nailed it.

The organization functions on a fear and guilt principle.

If anyone leaves the organization, everything that goes wrong is blamed on them.

Aussie Oz

forget text messages. they are useless for good communication.

maybe call a meeting of you three, talk it out if you can, face to face if it has to be dealt with.

oz

flipper

BTTT, this young lady could use some suggestions . Thanks

Help! Torn Mother (my mom) between to daughters (me nonJW and pioneer all faithful JW)

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