In Limbo

by Apollo 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Apollo
    Apollo

    Hi all. I’ve been lurking here for quite a while, and I've decided to finally make myself known. I left home about 6 months ago, moving about 150 miles away to a larger city for a job. Being single and so far away from home, the move became a perfect opportunity to fade. I found many tips and tricks on this board and elsewhere that have been useful in my fade. I had my publisher card transferred to a local cong in this area went to a few meetings and then I transferred to a different cong. I went to the next cong a few times and then disappeared. For contact with my parents and other dubs back home I have a separate cell phone and a po box (no one has my real address). I have been living “off the grid” for a few months now, which has allowed me to begin building a new life and making new friends. Suddenly though have started to run into a few problems. First my mom started calling me more often (on the dub phone) bugging me about field service, meetings and the like. I usually let the calls go to voicemail, trying to ignore the problem. Then I started getting calls from my aunt. My aunt is a single, angry, bitter woman with nothing better to do but poke her nose into other people’s business. The phone messages from my aunt are becoming more frequent and sometime she is downright nasty. She is constantly saying that she knows I am not going to the hall or going out on field service. I guess she is trying to scare me. She would probably love to get me df'd and shunned just to be vendictive. From what she said in the last message I think she may have tried to contact the elders and a local cong somewhere around here, possibly the first cong that my card was sent to, but I’m not sure. My questions to everybody here are:

    Beint that my old cong back home doesn't have my cards anymore, does that mean tha they can't take any kind of disiplinary actiosn against me? Although I don't know what they could disiplin me for. Could they just make up a new card for me and declare me part of their cong again?

    Is it possible that the local cong that currently has my card send it back to my "home cong"? Would the even have any record of where I originally came from?

    If I just "lie low" and do nothing what if anything can they do? Should I just ignore the phone calls and hope that the smoke blow over?

    Any advice is greatly appreciated.

  • PaintedToeNail
    PaintedToeNail

    Welcome Apollo! I've never heard of them making up a new card, just to DF you. Maybe some of the former elders on this site can answer that question. Isn't it interesting how many times 'encouragement' takes the form of threats and coercion from family and friends?

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Welcome Apollo!

    Sounds like you made some pretty good plans. Typically, all those congregations will leave you alone. Unless they have some rabid elders or obnoxious CO, the BoE is too busy to bother with a fader that hasn't committed any "sin" other than to stop attending meetings and service. A secretary might even lose the card for you.

    My mom has been far more concerned about me being okay rather than really being upset that I don't attend meetings. She's "disappointed", but she knows that if she gives me a hard time, she will probably not hear from or see me again.

    As far as the aunt, I think she gives you a good enough reason not to have anything to do with the JWs. You might mention to your mom the nasty things she said and any accusations she's made. Sounds like she has a filthy imagination of what you may be doing now. Let her think it. Just because she has crazy fantasies doesn't mean that you've done anything "unbecoming a Christian." Let mom know that such messages are disrespectful and completely unchristian. A shrew like that must be driving people away from the KH all the time.

    This is probably more harsh than you would want to try, but you could let mom know that you are thinking about getting rid of that cell phone so that you don't get such nasty messages. Unfortunately, you wouldn't be able to give mom a new number since auntie would just demand the number from her, but you can promise to call mom regularly.

    Now that it's been 6 months, are you thinking about leveling with the family that you are done with it? Do you have other faders in the family, or others that you think want to fade?

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    PaintedToeNail said: "Isn't it interesting how many times 'encouragement' takes the form of threats and coercion from family and friends?"

    Indeed! By their fruits you will recognise them.

    I wonder how many on the forum have come to understand that "troublemaking" equals "persecution".

  • moshe
    moshe

    At some point you may have to go to plan B- stop being a fader and admit you don't want to be a JW anymore-

    --- Or, you can try the needy JW game at that KH- since you are new, they will quickly tire of your "needs" ( like car repair help, ask for rides to the KH -pretend your car is broke) - when they "stumble you" by not wanting to help you after awhile, that will be your excuse for not going to meetings or out in service- just make it sound like a temporary thing-

  • Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious

    Welcome Apollo!

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    Welcome to the forum.

    Ignore the aunt. She will eventually tire of the phone calls. If you speak to her, just say you were busy with your job, new home, etc. You are an adult, and as such, know what to do. She need not worry, or try to live your life for you. If she shunned you, it might be a relief!

    As for your mom, don't give any more information than is necessary. Just keep up the "work keeps me busy thing."

    There is a lot of pressure when you are first on your own. Sorry this has added to the mix. Take a deep breath, and enjoy your freedom.

  • Kool Jo
    Kool Jo

    Hey Apollo:

    Welcome to JWN...moving away from your home congregation and trying to stay low elsewhere is a great way to start fading...ofcourse your folks back home will make sure that your still doing "spiritual things" ect...it's also quite possible that some of the members of both congregation know each other...this is where it can get tricky...keep us posted!

    Peace

    Kool Jo

  • SeekingTheRealTruth
    SeekingTheRealTruth

    Thanks for sharing! There is really nothing that can be done if you just fade away right now. That's the best way to do it until you are ready to tell your family how you really feel. I know that is one of the hardest things to ! Pray and stay strong. :-)

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Is it possible to have your Aunt's number blocked from your phone ? You do not need that kind of discouragement . The first year is the hardest ,be patient ,and keep dong what you are doing . Just maintain with your Mom that you are busy working ect...

    Do not be afraid to stand up for what is best for YOU !!! You are now an adult on your own ,figure out what you really need and want personally (not what others impose upon you ) and get busy doing those things that matter to you .

    All the best to you !

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