I appreciate that you understand the seriousness of it. Im getting really fed up with people trying to make me feel better by minimising it (sort of "oh it'll be fine, suchabody down the street had it and is OK now").
I felt exactly the same way. Instead of cheering you up, it seemed to trivialise the whole thing and indicate i was being silly to be so down. It's as if you don't have a right to be upset over it. I know people didn't mean it that way, but that was the effect.
Another thing that didn't help me was for people to offer advice that i needed to keep 'the right attitude.' An article i read once said that that puts a further burden on the patient.
An author and prominent person in the cancer field (who recovered from 'terminal' CA) said the best view is to do everything you can to recover, but realize the seriousness of it and be realistic too. Here's one of his books that helped me quite a lot in the 1st weeks: That book's on Amazon.com and is in paperback. I'm sure he has web pages too, but i can't locate them now quickly. He's written tons of books and gives seminars all around the states. But this one book was such help to me.
The net has a lot of great resources about CA too that were helpful, as i'm sure you've discovered.
If i find his website, i'll let you know. Pat
WTBS: Quit peeing on my leg and telling me it's raining.
It helps to know Im not the only one who gets these feelings! I know exactly what you mean about feeling as though I shouldnt be so upset. I nearly went beserk one time...I was talking to someone after the first lot of skin was removed and I said "its so hard to be told you have cancer" and he said, "you dont have cancer. they've taken the skin out now so the cancer is gone. you have to move on" (bear in mind this is about 10 days after I found out).
I was so annoyed because he was ignoring the fact that I still dont know if it's spread to the lymph nodes, and then he had to eat his words when the sample came back and showed I needed more surgery.
THEN someone else told me that their cousin died of cancer "because he had a negative attitude" and someone else survived because of their positivity! ARGH.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I will buy it from amazon. :)
Wow, this brings back a lot of memories. People saying "oh, it's just a polyp, or a little cancer..." It made me feel so bad and angry.
One thing i remember that helped me get my mind around the whole thing was i sat down and wrote a bunch of stuff, but what most sticks out in my mind was "everbody is not my counselor," the point being that most folks don't know beans about it and i would stick to the professionals or people who have had 'it.'
Love, Pat
WTBS: Quit peeing on my leg and telling me it's raining.
I remember when Patty found out, and she would call me - and we would talk. I was the *outsider* then and had to learn what you and she are talking about now.
What I felt about her situation was my thoughts - and as I had never had cancer - was purely speculative. It also didn't seem to help much for me to say "well, joe blow had horrible cancer, he survived and is a marathon runner now."
As if just coping with it and the flood of emotions and realities wasn't enough - a survivor then had to accomplish great things!
I'm glad you and Patty are talking - she's a great one. Glad to have her around.
Oh dear! Waiting, I didn't mean YOU!! I talked to you all the time and you were an enormous help!! Please don't think that you didn't do a great job. You were there to listen and bounce ideas off--that was so important to me.
Love, Pat
WTBS: Quit peeing on my leg and telling me it's raining.
Waiting - it must have been difficult for YOU, because obviously you were upset aswell. I get the feeling that my family are saying "it'll be ok" because they're telling themselves that aswell (trying to reassure themselves aswell as me).
Patio - writing things down is a good idea. I ordered the book yesterday aswell.
Heres an update: I saw the consultant yesterday afternoon and Im going in on Sunday (to have the op monday) - having a skin graft on my arm (about 5cm diameter) and Im also having my under-arm opened up so that they can remove some lymph nodes for testing. This is just to be sure that the cancer hasnt already spread to my nodes. If they're clear, then that should be the end of the treatments - I just go back for 3-monthly checkups. Fingers crossed everything will come back clear!
Thanks again everyone for your kind words and positive vibes! I do appreciate it.
Thanks for the update Sirona. We'll really be thinking healthy thoughts for you on Sunday and esp Monday! Please let us know as soon after the procedure as you can! However, they may not know immediately until the pathology report comes in? Keep us posted and all the best--truly!
Pat
WTBS: Quit peeing on my leg and telling me it's raining.
