by AndersonsInfo 20 Replies latest jw friends
This sounds to me like abuse.
It's abuse because a girl whose parents csre little for her is vulnerable, and it's abuse because a teenager, especially a vulnerable teenager who has fallen for a boy is being targeted by what is essentially a cult in all but name.
JW's are really skilled at indoctrination under the guise of bringing the love of God to an unloved person. They are in their element.
It is the spider and the fly.
Over reactions abound in some of the responses so far - they are understandable but unhelpful.
Truly, young people are at the mercy of their feelings for their boy- or girlfriends. It ain't got anything to do with abuse - it's a developmental fact. I've seen young guys become simpering wrecks due to the love of a lovely girl and vice versa. Add in the boy or grilfriend's religious background and you've got a recipe for emotion-based conversion - regardless of the religion. What are all those love songs about "I'd do anything to prove my love to you" - yes, even join your religion.
Be warned that anything you do to open this young girl's eyes will be construed by her as you trying to come betwen her and her "true"love.
On the plus side, these young love relationships come and go like the summer rain. This month it's infatuation with a boy who belongs to the JWs, next month or later it'll be infatuation with a boy whose family are (shock! horror!) Moslems.
Panic doesn't help - in fact it drives the person further into their love relationship.
Never forget: Even if her love for this guy endures and she converts, the exit door at the back of the kingdom hall is getting bigger as time passes.
In the final analysis, though ,she's 16 - and in most jurisdictions, she's old enough to make her own decisions - whether we agree or not.
Now, my 16 year old niece has been taken in by JW's because her new boyfriend is a member, and they have been told that she must convert or they cannot be together anymore.
I have been thinking quite a bit about this situation.
Now, I have not been in JW kingdom hall in over 35 years - but this is not the JW reaction that I would have expected. I have never seen a JW convert being made on the promise that they could continue to "date" or "be girlfriend-boyfriend" provided the girl would convert.
Now, I admit - maybe she has this in her head because of initial JW congregational lovey-dovey over a possible new convert. But, the reality is - the JWs are not going to let a JW kid date a 16-year old new JW convert for two years (until she is old enough to marry the guy). But unless I am off base from little contact with the JW world over the years, something about this promise by the JWs to let them "stay together if she converts" is quite odd.
One part of my thinking is that the uncle should get his head around the fact that the JW world of teenage dating is hyper-controlled, and somehow let her know about that (which they may be hiding).
The other part of my thinking about this is (on the surface) quite ugly: Why would the writer of the scenario (the uncle) state right up front that he is "30 something" - and he is her only "father figure". Could something else be going on here? Let the reader use discernment, so to speak.
Holy cow! Stop her...
My advice would be to mention that the lad is attempting to control her, which is a bad sign! Why should she convert for him? Why doesn't he leave for her? Start her thinking about the fact that she shouldn't be under his thumb.
If that fails purchase a copy of Crisis of Conscience, give the book to your neice and ask her to give it to him - making sure that she says he must read it. That's not a lot to ask is it?
Once the book has been passed out... things may well suddenly come to an abrupt halt once the parents of the lad get wind of it.
Otherwise...http://www.instanthitman.com/
I fully agree with M*A*S*H* and like what Nugget has to offer. Tell her you love her no matter what religion she chooses, but you see wll the sacrifice on one side.
Tell her he could marry her if she did not convert and it would not get him kicked out of the JW's. He could serve and the only sacrifice would be no titles of special privileges.
Get CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and Steve Hassan's two books. Heck, contact Steve Hassan at freedomofmind.com and see if he can steer you toward a local cult exit expert.
The other part of my thinking about this is (on the surface) quite ugly: Why would the writer of the scenario (the uncle) state right up front that he is "30
something" - and he is her only "father figure". Could something else be going on here? Let the reader use discernment, so to speak.
James - you can be excused for thinking of the wider picture. I had similar questions about what else could be going on- I am always mindful that family, including extended family, often have their own agenda for trying to control other members' decisions.
Hence, the knee-jerk reaction among many posters to take a very simplistic view of the situation (e.g., warn her at all costs about the JWs, take action, stop it, it's abuse etc) is closer to their won mirror reaction to the JWs - and not dissimilar to how a JW uncle would react: Get her away from the churches of Christendom, etc.
The neice is 16 - so presumably able to make her own decisions, young love is often blind and very "adoring" and any action is likely to be counterproductive. You want to drive someone in love further into the arms of their object of desire? Oppose it.
Dear Loving Uncle,
By this time you've already received some very good advice. I don't want to overlook this piece -- an 11 minute read that will give her several things, quite easy to comprehend -- to think about. It's THE GREAT WATCHTOWER CONTRADICTION.
Wishing you the very best.
Len
The story sounds like BS to me. I don't like that organization. And I know publishers "do their own thing" alot. But I didn't know of any parents that let their child date at 16. Let alone to a person outside the organization, and then white wash it by having the teenager get baptized.
James - you can be excused for thinking of the wider picture. I had similar questions about what else could be going on- I am always mindful that family, including extended family, often have their own agenda for trying to control other members' decisions.
Thank you. I was just asking the question - an obvious question which (I think) needed to be asked. For one thing - where was the Uncles wife in all this? She would seem to be a more natural best friend to the girl in question.
The story sounds like BS to me. I don't like that organization. And I know publishers "do their own thing" alot. But I didn't know of any parents that let their child date at 16. Let alone to a person outside the organization, and then white wash it by having the teenager get baptized.
What happened - we may be on the same page here. I just don't know - but this does not sound like typical JW behavior toward new kids in love.
The story sounds like BS to me. I don't like that organization. And I know publishers "do their own thing" alot. But I didn't know of any parents that let their child date at 16. Let alone to a person outside the organization, and then white wash it by having the teenager get baptized.
Wha, maybe the guy is 18 or over. The jw guy that I married was 24 when he pursued me at 16. There was another couple in our hall that had similar circumstances.
