by thecrushed 29 Replies latest jw friends
GET THE BOOK "TOXIC PARENTS"!!! Your wife needs it and you will learn ways to cope! Reading that book got me out faster than anything else.
Feel free to rant and rave on here, it takes the edge off for dealing in real life with the monster in law.
Bobbi
I think you would be well to take a couple more minutes on this one.....
Dude, you've got to stop drinking. You're completely letting MIL push your buttons. You need to have your head clear.
You need some alone time with your wife and let her know that you still love her. And you need to remind her that you're her husband and "the man". I'm afraid that with MIL there in both of your faces, your wife is losing confidence in you. The old bitch seems to act like suddenly she's the queen of the castle and able to order you around like a toy poodle.
Go through the WT lib CD and find some stuff that tells the parents to butt out of their children's lives and marriages. There's some stuff in the Family book and other farticles showing how parents can interfere and wreck their kid's marriages. Interrupt MIL with each individual quote. Remind her that she's not a man and that according to Watchtower, she needs to find a husband to tell her what to do. Maybe share some of the priceless JW quotes that insulting refer to women as emotional and unreasonable. Remind her that you're a man, a reasonable leader, and she's a confused, emotional woman that needs a headcovering. Maybe that's taking it too far...
But it might be worth mentioning to her that of course you and your wife are stressed out. You've had a messy house 'guest' that's overstayed her welcome and you haven't been able to have a date night followed by loud, passionate sex for over 2 weeks!
Everyone she finally left today and it has been a big relief. My wife and I have become calm and relaxed again. I can tell she is relieved even if she won't admit it. I ordered CCMC, Greek Interlinear New Testament translation, Carl Sagans Billions and Billions, Albiert Einstiens Memoirs, 1984, Animal Farm and some other good books recommended here. I have a new job starting soon and from now on I'm going to dedicate myself to lots and lots of reading and study. Time to slow it the hell down, dig in and prepare for the long road ahead. I mentioned to my wifey that I wanted us to go bike riding on some local park trails next weekend. I hope that it works out. We need a fun romantic day out.
thecrushed.. being in a similar position as you but the other way round (husband still in, me mentally out) the best thing you can do is take it slow slow slow... now MIL is out of the way you might feel like you want to drop everything on your wife all in one go. Believe me this doesn't work!
Your idea of having some quiet romantic time, just the two of you is the best thing you can do. Forget religion or anything else, just show her what a wonderful husband you are. Make her feel special. If she asks about anything just say you want to put it all to one side for now and just concentrate on her. You have plenty of time.
"oh and while I was telling her mother to back off she actually asked me if I wanted to hit her. Very Very spooky!..." the crushed, page 1
Okay, I know this isn't funny, but...
My mind immediately flashed to this Sunday's Watchtower study about "Selma" and "Steve", and how "Selma" won "Steve" over to da trooth by letting him beat her up for 17 years....
If I'd a-been there...
I would have asked your[my] mother-in-law, "What? You want me to hit you? You sound like "Selma" in the coming Watchtower study, who converted her husband - after enduring 17 years of physical abuse!!!"
Oh, and...
What "Bobbi" said, above...
I also have that book, "Toxic Parents - Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by Susan Forward.
http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553284347#_
It is an EXCELLENT book, and perhaps your wife will also eventually see that the cult's behavior is analogous to her mother's nasty behavior.
You might want to speak with your doctor about all the family issues. He/she might be able to recommend someone to help you walk through all the stuff you are dealing with.
Just KNOW you will get through all of this and you will be okay. No, BETTER than okay. You will be well and FREE!!!
Sending positive vibes!
satinka
I had a horrible MIL. She told me the Elders had told her she had the right to tell me how to dress, amomg other things (I was 18 years old). She had no respect for me at all. Once she walked into our room after we had gone to bed, we were visiting at her house, and turned on the light. We were having sex. The only thing I regret about the incident was that I was not on top! She never did that again!
