Are you a proactive decision maker?

moshe

I have a friend who always waits to make a hard decision until he is totally boxed in with only one choice left- not a good one either. How can I help him break out of this destructive mindset?

moshe

My friend is like a tumbleeed, in that he lets chance blow him in any direction rather than steer a course himself.

Glander

We all have the occasional dilemma, but your friend seems to be overwhelmed. Other than pointing him in the direction of some self help books, etc. I don't know what the answer might be.

An old book, "Your Erroneous Zones" by Wayne Dyer comes to mind as a possible help.

Well, he just refuses to see reality- he just hopes things will work out. I think he is afraid he will make a wrong choice, so by waiting until he is at the edge of the cliff, he has only choice left to make.

THE GLADIATOR

Hi Moshe, I was going to reply earlier but just couldn't come to a decision. If it helps I see outstanding decisions as undone jobs that clutter up my mind. I like to get things decided, sorted, organized so I can enjoy the luxury and clarity of an uncluttered mind.

It I can't decide, then I will instruct my mind to work on the problem and inform me when it has come to a decision - then I forget about it. Later the answer will pop into my head without warning. I accept the answer and move on. The part of our mind that works beneath consciousness take into account many facets and emotional influences that our so called conscious mind cannot do; it has to seperate things.

I hope this helps you, I mean your friend.

Chariklo

You could try suggesting to him that he sits down with pen and paper and writes down all the options he can think of. Then to write down all the really way out options that seem daft, but write them down anyway.

Then think hard and imagine having made each option in turn, and what it would be like. Visualise each situation. Write down how each one feels.

Then eliminate most, right down to a small number of optiuons that seem the best.

Repeat the process.

That's a method I evolved many years ago if I was in a dilemma or faced with unpalatable choices...and if they're all truly unpalatable sometimes there's another choice out there that would be better. So creative thinking comes into it.

Another method, or to use towards the end of the process, is to tell yourself this is really, really urgent, and give a time limit (like 5 minutes) and stick to it.

PS:

Another method, totally different, is to think about it very hard, maybe all day, and then decide to sleep on it. I find I often wake up in the morning knowing exactly what to do. Good old subconscious mind! (Or is that the unconscious mind? I never know!)

Or he could ask Jehovah. Only joking!

Ding

Maybe sit with him when he's facing a situation and show him how to consider the options.

If he prefers to stay in denial and hope everything just works out, there's not a whole lot you can do.

moshe

I see that I already went down the "options" list on a major lifestyle decision three years ago when he and I took early retirement- he figured out exactly what was the prudent course of action and what he should do. Then he went against his financial plan, spent his 401K to keep up his retirement lifestyle and last year filed bankruptcy- which was exactly what the crystal ball said would happen, if he didn't change horses. For the life of me, I can't understand why he sabotaged the plan that could have bought him his retirement security for a year's worth of fun.

SixofNine

He sounds mentally ill. Depressed at the very least, but there is probably also something more than garden variety depression going on.

In any case, if you don't approach it for what it is, illness, you can't help but you can make it worse, so stay out of it.

Are you a proactive decision maker?

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