For the first time in my life I have lost someone close to me that I loved very much. My brother died last week of an asthma attack. I just got back from the funeral that was held yesterday. He died at 36. Even though he was an elder and the holiest saint of all of my parent's children, I got along with him so well! Him and I have SO many memories. He lived his life so well and had so much fun while he was here. We had play fights as kids and after growing up, we went to so many places and did so many things. He was absolutely the best human being I could imagine and I'm not just saying that cause he is my brother....everyone and I mean EVERYONE loved him! He had no enemies whatsoever! Everyone at the hall, everyone at his job, every JW and worldly man, woman and child loved him. That's because he was always a happy man with many jokes to tell and an amazing personality....always very selfless and a giving person. Always volunteering to help in anything he can. He was amazing enough to make his death especially tragic and extra painful to endure.
Since he was an elder, I knew I was in for a JW propaganda funeral. When I stepped foot in that funeral home and saw him lying there, I broke down and cried like I've never cried before. It was such a surreal feeling! I never imagined to see him in a coffin that young! I imagined this day in the distant future when he would be in his 70s, but not now. Soon, the JW sheep and sheep herders walked in and started their usual preaching/consoling of words. You know, the whole "He is only sleeping" and "We'll see him soon". Even as I write this my facebook JW friends are messaging me these Watchtower scripted condolences. One sister was taking pictures of everything and everyone telling me that maybe if these pictures and videos survive armageddon, we could show him when he resurrects so he can see how many people cared for him. Another brother who knows I am inactive told me "You know what you need to do if you want to see him again right?"
Then came the 30 min talk. It spoke of all his accomplishments in the cult...his service hours, his baptism, his status promotions from publisher to ministerial servant, to elder and all his public talks, and how the Bible speaks of death as a deep sleep that only God can wake him out of. I wanted to knock out the next person who told me that the day of his death is more important than his birth. That doesn't make me feel better. Another thing that bothered me was how people were more concerned about my beard than they were about my brother's death. I had to end up shaving the thing to avoid embarassing my parents. My mom was all concerned about my beard, sister so and so's skirt two inches above the knee, an "evil" pentecostal couple paying their respect, a worldly cousin wearing a cross on his neck and all this BS that had nothing to do with her son's death. Don't get me wrong, she was in tremendous pain, but it seems that no matter what the occasion is, there's always room for judgement.
All this was making me uncomfortable since I am leaning towards atheism. I know that the hope of resurrection and/or heavenly afterlife is just wishful thinking of primitive men to help them cope with the pain of losing a loved one. It's times like these I wish I believed in God because it would certainly numb the pain greatly! My dad whole heartedly believes he will see him again so even though he was sad, he didn't shed many tears. I envied his numbness. I was in real pain. I don't blame anyone for their delusional belief about a resurrection/afterlife. If it helps them cope with tragedy, why not? Now I wish I hadn't done so much reading on science and the origins of life and the nature of all things and the history of culture, religion, tradition, humanity and its psychology. It was all this reading that killed God for me. It proved he can't possibly be real. So far I have seen tons of proof that the Bible is a fairy tale book and no proof that it isn't. When the Bible is revealed to be false, God dies. The reason I wish I hadn't done so much logical and scientific reading is cause believing in God would reduce the pain of death. But what I learned can't be unlearned....unless you show me hardcore, undeniable proof that the Bible is entirely real and God does exist along with a future hope of resurrection. Proof without the whole "have faith" and "because the Bible says so" reasoning.
This thread is asking athiests what's the best way for us to deal with death? The afterlife and resurrection fantasies are nice wishful thinking, but the real world needs something just as comforting.