Fade Away, I am so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. If I could convey it to your family, I would do so also since they must be grieving too, no matter what they believe.
Your comments from the funeral made me annoyed to think that people can be so insensitive . I lost a family member in recent years and I was luckier in that her local cong. and the believing relatives were better than that. I did tell the speaker after the talk though that some of his remarks were in poor taste, seeing it as a relative with feelings on the day.
I am not an atheist so I cannot answer your question, just be assured of our fellow-feeling.