"I worked hard as a Ministerial Servant and all I got was this lousy drinking problem!"

by Mr. Falcon 34 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Mr. Falcon

  I was driving home the other evening pondering the past couple of turbulant years for me and my family. I reflected back on my appointment as a Ministerial servant and my attitude, beliefs and thinking at the time. I thought about the subsequent misery that being a servant brings once the the glow wears off and people stop "commending you on your fine spiritual progress." Of course after not being able to take anymore of what I saw as well as some personal revelations that blew the lid off of my whole belief system, my decline accelerated until they just went ahead and gave me the the ol' heave-ho deletion. But by then it was a relief. At least I no longer operated as a hypocrite at THAT level.

  But I began to also reflect back on one of my motivating reasons for wanting to "reach out" and become a servant (elder, one day). While there were several reasons for wanting that responsibility, one reason struck me as excessively..................delusional. Or at least that's how I feel about it in retrospect. Specifically, it was my understanding at the time of "Holy Spirit". Yes, Holy Spirit. That mysterious, all-empowering, do-all, fix-all and fail-safe "Thing" that floats around directing everything and everyone who happes to be associated with some prime real estate in Brooklyn. The very entity that hides cases of Watchtowers from Gestapo agents, re-hires Mary to a better job when she gets fired for attending a District Convention, and helps a 93-year old Ugandan woman battle crocodiles to attend a straw-hut Kingdom Hall 5,000 miles away.

  My understanding of Holy Spirit was simply this way: I thought that Holy Spirit would make me a better man. A better husband, father, son, lover...er, well maybe not lover but you get the damn point. I foolishly believed that if I got appointed a servant, then Holy Spirit would magically attach itself to me and I would become more insightful, respected and I would automatically enjoy the seemingly wonderful family life as depicted in every family book written by Jehovah's Witnesses.

  

  Happy, happy! Joy, joy!

  Things seemed glowing at first. But things changed and well, I found myself imagining that I was David Byrne.

  

  And you may ask yourself "How do I work this?"

  And you may ask yourself "Where is that large automobile?"

  And you may tell yourself "This is not my beautiful house!"

  And you may tell yourself "This is not my beautiful wife!"

  So what say any of you who were/are "appointed"? Did you think that you were going to wake up with super-powers or something? Also, can someone please tell me what is the official Watchtower Society stance on "spiritual appointments" (e.g. elders, MS, etc.)? Are these guys appointed with "Holy Spirit", through "Holy Spirit" or by "Holy Spirit"? Also, once appointed, does a man have "Holy Spirit"? I've heard every possible spin on this from different hardcore J-dubbs and I want to know what the real deal is. Not that believe in any kind of spirit anymore.*

  

  A newly appointed Brother Summers releases Holy Spirit.

  * AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do believe in spirits that are found in bottles of Canadian Club whiskey. I drink that shat like milk. You hear me?! Milk!
• 

  ziddina

  Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!!!

  Well, being a "grrrrrl" dragon, I cannot comment on your thread's topic, as I was forbidden from having any power or authority within the congregation...

  but it's a great thread - and I love your illustrations!!!
• 

  breakfast of champions

  I would say that moving from Crummy Old Publisher to Ministerial Servant to Elder if anything probably weakened my belief in holy spirit.

  For instance, nice young kid's name comes up for MS at elders meting before CO visit. Sticking point? His haircut. Not too long, per se. . . Just not combed enough.

  So the holy spirit, coursing through the very essence and being of the elder body that moment, moved the one jerkoff elder to shoot the kid down because his hair wasn't perfectly combed. Yeah, riiiiight. . . . . Holy spirit. . . . . Riiiight. . . .

  Another concept that is quickly undermined (if you are a thinking person) is that of Satan --- that tricky dude throwing invisible stumbling blocks in front of everyone! As an elder, you quickly come to find that people's problems that are supposedly caused by "Satan and his Wicked System" are usually due to either poor decision-making or an undiagnosed psychiatric disorder.

  So in the end, the Super Powers of Reason and Critical Thinking dissolved not only Holy Spirit, but evil Satan and his machinations, and eventually god.
• 

  undercover

  Good thread...

  Before I was an MS even, I had the delusional fantasy that being made a servant of any kind would bring more Holy Spirit. That somehow I would have an enlightment or epiphany and really get it...really understand it all...and would be the perfect man, elder, husband, etc, once I was appointed.

  But being made an MS at a young, immature (I can admit that looking back now) age, guilty of secret sins (who wasn't, duh) and not really making 'the truth my own' or wanting to pioneer or go to Bethel....you know, just cruising through it all, I had the first hint that maybe there wasn't anything special going to happen. I mean, if silly little ole lazy me was made an MS without real qualifications, what was the trick to becoming an elder?

  And then - you got to sit in on some meetings with elders...and you quickly realized this was not the brain trust of the congregation. There were some plain ole dumb shits in that group of naive, backward thinking relics. It didn't take long for me to become disillusioned with the whole "servant" thing.
• 

  Pink Floyd

  same as it ever was. same as it ever was. same as it ever was. same as it ever was.
• 

  tootired2care

  Well presented points Falcon.

  When I was appointed an MS I had the same expectations. I even recall praying many times for HS to help me. For all that time I never felt anything extra ordinary, just exhaustion, boredom, and envy for those that were not appointed. The more I thought about it, I finally came up with an answer.

  The answer is: there is no magic HS coming down from heaven, and praying for it serves the purpose of positive mental re-enforcement and placebo. Whenever you do things according to the scriptures you are doing things accoring to the product of HS and therefore the promise can technically be true; albeit much different than all the JW's think/thought (myself included).

  I concluded this because after my many years of service I saw time and time again how family member and friends that really put themselves on the line and needed help and earnestly prayed for it never got the help that they were supposed to get from the holy spirit. It made me conclude that there is a good chance there is no Holy Spirit "magic" that really provides assistance as they would have you believe. The only help you're going to get is from yourself, family or maybe congregation. There is no heaven magic coming down.

  If it were the other way around, our case would be like Job, and Satan could just say see he/she is only serving you because you give them super power. The funny thing is to get up there week after week and give those boring parts and express those spiritual feelings that your supposed to have that you don't really does take super humans IMHO.
• 

  zoiks

  Nice thread, Senor Falcon.

  When I was baptised at 12, I thought that maybe my dedication would prompt god to give me a little holy spirit to help me to stop ogling the JC Penney bra models and committing fornication in my heart.

  The first time I was appointed an MS I had given up on the JC Penney models and had moved on to racier content. Still, I thought that maybe holy spirit would descend upon me if I tried really hard at my MS duties.

  The second time I was appointed an MS, I had given up on the idea of magical holy spirit but not on the idea of god's organization. Drinking helped to keep that idea afloat, for a little while.
• 

  SweetBabyCheezits

  Yes, quite the submission there MF'r.

  For a very short time, I bought into the whole, "Doesn't matter what I do as long as I live for Jabba... if I quit my job right now and we move where the need is greater without a plan, Holy Spirit will cover for me on everything else." That was the gist of what our CO suggested during a shepherding call after I suppressed my initial doubts. And I was just naive enough to believe him. I spent several months being the best damn JW I could be, even in private, with the intent of doing something stupid like that. I thank Allah that my doubts resurfaced and we got the hell out.

  As far as the Spirit's magic quality goes, I should've known something was up years earlier when they asked - prior to announcing my MS appointment - if there was any reason I shouldn't be a servant. What an odd question at an awkward time. "uhhhh, nooo?" Wouldn't Holy Spirit know if I wasn't qualified? Ridiculous. But that let me know masturbation must notta been as big a no-no as the WT made it out to be. Alrighty then! Fap on, SweetCheezits. Fap on.
• 

  tootired2care

  As far as the Spirit's magic quality goes, I should've known something was up years earlier when they asked - prior to announcing my MS appointment - if there was any reason I shouldn't be a servant. What an odd question at an awkward time. "uhhhh, nooo?" Wouldn't Holy Spirit know if I wasn't qualified? Ridiculous.

  ROFLO!!!!! I totally spaced that experience I had. Good grief; akward doesn't even begin to describe how awkward it is. I would love to hear from someone that actually had the balls to say there was a reason, when asked that question.
• 

  Mr. Falcon

  Good grief; akward doesn't even begin to describe how awkward it is. I would love to hear from someone that actually had the balls to say there was a reason, when asked that question.

  Actually, I never got asked ANYTHING. And I was aware of how other MS in the circuit got grilled and questioned about everything from porn to friggin child molestation. But our guys just took me aside and said "Hey we're gonna make you a Servant. Cool?" I answered, "Sure, I gue....""GREAT! He's fine with it. Go make the announcement."

  Then the other elder walked up on stage and that was that. Then again, I'm not shocked as our congregation has the laziest, flakiest group of procrastinating uncaring douchebags to ever wear JC Penny suits.

  NOTE: Thank you for all your feedback, all of you. I do honestly read AND NOTICE every single comment left by EVERYONE. A lot of good comments on this board get lost admist the thousand people talking at once, and while I don't always have an opportunity to respond to each one, I do appreciate your reading my thread and offering your opinion. May the blessings of a thousand sexy falcons lay golden eggs of prosperity on your children.