by BQE 33 Replies latest jw friends
This thread has me cracking up, and today I need it.
Kep, AWESOME point about Guardian Angels, I will bring this up with my family.
TR, that is a CRACK-UP man!
LB, that is what happens to you when you're in shock; anything you hear you will believe. Too bad he didn't have a copy of Secular Humanism magazine with him.
http://www.secularhumanism.org
Lisa
The governing body of Jehovah's witnesses are spirit directed by Jesus Christ!
O.K. here are a few that I've heard:
Two witnesses were going door-to-door, they knocked on one door and a lady came out. There was a party going on and some where playing with a ouija board. When they saw the Witnesses they asked the board "Are the Witnesses the one true religion", the board answered "yes".
Here's another one:
Two witnesses in Mexico were out in rural areas (in the mountaineous region) when it started to rain. They ran and hid in a dark cave, well it was pouring so they stayed in there and decided to sleep the night. It was so dark they couldn't see each other. In the middle of the night Bro. A tells Bro. B that it is getting very warm, but Bro. B says that it's not. Once again Bro. A awakens Bro. B and mumbles that it is very hot and he is sweating. Bro. B says that it can't be as he is very cold. Morning comes and Bro. B wakes up and to his horror a huge snake has been swallowing Bro. A slowly, only his head was now showing.
One more:
A lady into black magic and spiritism starts stuyding with the Witnesses. She progresses and is baptized. That same day she returns to her home, gets on top of her bed and yells "Allright Satan now I am baptized and I can take you on!". The next morning she is found barely alive all slashed up (as if someone with a knife carved her). The moral is "Jehovah will not protect you if you're an idiot".
I always enjoy the various versions of bringing used furniture or clothing home and demons magically appear. If you were a demon, wouldn't you rather hide in new furniture or clothing? Unless you are Fred Hall, why would a demon hide in someone's old underware?
COMF,
You are NOT a reasonable man!
*Used* furniture was *NEW* at one time. Now, if you were comfy in your plaid Lazy-boy Recliner from the 70's, why should you have to go and break in a new one?
*I* think it is perfectly reasonable for demons to travel with their beloved furniture!
Lisa
A brother was giving the Sunday discourse at the Kingdom Hall and he was holding his green bible. The talk was on organizational loyalty. All of a sudden he holds up his green Bible and says now if the society tells me that this green Bible is blue, then I will believe that it is blue! Schmuck!
Lisa,
Yeah, I forgot demons prefer used Lazy-Boy recliners over the new models because their old bones can't take the new firmer editions. That's why smoke comes out from old Lazy-Boy recliners when they are burned. Smoke doesn't come out of new Lazy-Boys because no one burns the new stuff. All of this proves humans are only 6 or 7-thousand years old, demons are a billion-years old, and the Society is God's mouth piece on earth . . . and if one says, "Watchtower" three times while facing Brooklyn, demon smoke from old Lazy-Boys will find another host (i.e., another old Lazy-Boy). Thanks for setting the record straight!
My favorite is the one about the young man who decides to leave home and the truth. He's all packed up and travelling down the highway when he sees a hitchiker. The guy looks nice enough, so the wayward brother picks him up.
During the course of the ride the hitchiker tells the brother all about himself....things he could have never known. He then tells the brother that he needs to go back home. When the brother looks away for an instant and then looks back to reply, the hitchiker is gone.
Moral: God sent an Angel to correct him
Well I don't have anything to add, but I've gotta say that this is one of the funniest threads on this board! HEHE!
The earlier in the forenoon you take the sun bath, the greater will be the beneficial effect, because you get more of the ultra-violet rays, which are healing. - The Golden Age
I've heard most of the urban legends mentioned here. Let me add a few others, and some comments.
I remember the one from the Yearbook on Germany. Gestapo walk into a room, and somehow miss seeing a brother who is seated there. Brother finishes whatever mission for Jehovah he is on. I was always disturbed by the fact that the brother was captured and executed by the Nazis shortly after this.
Demonized Smurf dolls and old furniture - must be a thousand of those stories.
One that I heard different versions of many times was about a brother going h to h with a new brother. Householder threatens to let his vicious dog loose on them. New brother steps in and says, we'll leave, but hold on to your dog. HH lets dog go, and brother kills it with a single blow. Turns out, of course, that he had been a dog trainer in the military.
One I heard from Europe was the man who is reading a Truth book on a train. A man in his compartment becomes enraged, and throws the book out the window. In various versions, either the book hits a man in the head who is about to commit suicide, or the book goes into the water, and a man about to commit suicide by drowning finds the book as he's wading into a lake. Voila! Reads it, and it saves his life. He tells the experience at a convention, the brother on the train is there and hears it, brother saved from suicide and other brother meet, shows the Truth book, all bloated and water stained, etc etc.
Sister going door to door, and rapist, (or whoever), sees two big men with her, is also a common one. That and the rapist/thief under the bed hearing the prayer is also widespread.
Being swallowed by the snake - that's a bit farfetched even for the Witnesses. If you're so far out of touch with reality you can't tell if you're being swallowed by a snake - you deserve to be.
When the Australian KH was bombed, the story was that the moment the bomb went off, everyone was looking up a verse, which minimized injuries, as they were all looking down. THAT must have been a HELL of a consolation for the families that had members killed!!
I interviewed plenty of friends at dc or ca who said they received, sometimes to the penny, a check or a gift that they vitally needed at the moment (new tires was a common reason). Some of these folks I had no reason to doubt. Then I heard the same stories regardingd Catholic nuns, Mother Theresa, protestant missionaries, etc.
S4
