Those of you in relationships, when your partner gets clingy, is it flattering, irritating? How do you deal with it?

by La Falta Habitacion Por Sr Hor-Hey!! 34 Replies latest jw friends

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  NewChapter

  I think that something that hasn 't been touched on here is that for both men and women there are times when both sexes may feel more clingy due to going through stresses brought on by difficult life situations where one or both of the partners need a shoulder to cry on or rest your head on

  Of course, Flipper. And I don't think any of us are referring to these needy times---which naturally we turn to the one closest to us to help us through.

  I think we've been focusing on something a bit more pathological. The person that is unable to do anything on their own, and can't let go to let the other pursue a separate interest.

  For instance----I can't stand watching professional sports. The idea of attending the game can fill one with anticipation and excitement---it only fills me with dread. I don't want to go to ANY games---not even to be supportive. But on the other hand, I like really geeky music. Now, if I'm with someone that loves sports---I'm fine with that. They can go off to their games, and have all kinds of fun. Leave me to do what I want to do. I won't ask the other person (or at least i won't pressure them, I'd probably offer an invite) to tag along to see some obscure indie band that plays the cello and the mandolin.

  You wanna watch a game on TV? Well I wanna go to a different room and read or write. Or go see a chick flick.

  Are you feeling bad because things have been awful, and you need a shoulder and more time and attention? That's fine. I'll be there, cuz next week I know you'll let me go off to a craft festival while you attend an Indians game.

  NC
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  flipper

  NEW CHAPTER- I understand what you're saying. I get the point of this thread, I'm not confused. However I just wanted to interject the thought that IF a person is being clingy, his or her partner may misidentify it as " being manipulative " - when in fact the partner has some serious issues that need attending. I agree that when clinginess is coupled with manipulation and the unwillingness to assume responsiblity for oneself and give space to their partner or their partners interests it certainly becomes a negative thing to deal with.

  However, that being said, I was trying to show that there are other forms of " clinginess " which are productive in a positive way. In a sense I guess I was playing the devil's advocate . I definitely get the point others are making here that manipulative clinginess is not desirable, I agree
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  Snoozy

  I'm with Flipper..I have been through both and been both . Hubby and I took turns....when you are married as long as I was you go through many cycles..

  I enjoyed most of them..

  Except his going back to the KH cycle.. That sucked...

  Snoozy

  ps..I do have to admit I have seen unhealthy clingy..not a pretty sight. Most of the time it is the women that are "needy" ,"clingy"..at least that is what I have observed..
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  Found Sheep

  Well...... I must admit at times I become clingy.... it goes away but ya I'll follow my hubby around the house untill he gets it.... After he knows what I need I'm fine but.....

  For the most part I don't want to be or have someone that isn't happy being who they are. I like space and if you don't want to give it to me I'll make it :)
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  ohiocowboy

  I think that something that hasn 't been touched on here is that for both men and women there are times when both sexes may feel more clingy due to going through stresses brought on by difficult life situations where one or both of the partners need a shoulder to cry on or rest your head on. When my wife is feeling stressed and perhaps more needy at times - I feel complimented that she wants to cuddle, cling, or rest her head on my shoulder, it makes me feel she can rely on me for emotional support.

  And the opposite is true - if I'm feeling down and need a hearing ear or just an emotional support or cuddle I don't mind clinging onto her - she's always there for me , it's part of what makes a happy relationship when both people can be there for one another.

  There are ways to handle it if a partner is clinging to you and you need to be somewhere - just kindly say " Sweetie, we'll talk about it after I get home, just know I care and I'm here for you. " I mean, let's face reality- everybody here has some insecurities , some more than others - it's not necessarily a weakness to reveal those insecurities to your partner- in fact - it takes more strength to open up and be trusting with a partner that they'll listen to you in order to really understand your issues and vice versa.

  Flipper,

  x1000!!! You very eloquently took the words right out of my mouth!

  Balance and compromise is the key to a great relationship.