"And the Governing Body was unsure of doing such a thing. But David [Splane] said, 'You must go, therefore, and sell off all of the high places of Brooklyn, and collect the gold and life insurance policies of our people. And we shall build for ourselves a New Kingdom to the North (of NYC)' And they did just so. . .
"But it came about, in the hundredth year of the Christ's invisible reign that god's anger came against David [Splane] saying, 'That you have not trusted in the Almighty Jah and rushed ahead to build your secretive compound to the North (upstate NY), I shall hereby smite you with my mighty arm, and perhaps even my hand. I may even flick you with my mighty finger.'
"And David [Splane's] heart condemned him, so that he did say, 'I have sinned greatly in rushing in front of your heavenly chariot, oh god, and would suggest you check your tire pressure.'
"At that Gods temper did blaze against David [Splane], and he told him, 'I offer you three choices of punishment for your great unfaithfulness, dear David: one- make up a burnt offering of your favorite tie from 1978; two- offer your own wife's sweet-smelling flesh in a holocaust to me; three- I shall kill off one third of all Jehovah's Witnesses, men women and children.'
"and David [Splane] said, 'This decision making shit is causing me great distress. Let the decision of which punishment rest with you, almighty and merciful god Jehovah.'
"And so God quickly dispatched a plague upon his witnesses, and upwards of two million of them were killed." - The Second New Scroll 24:1-17