It Was Never Enough (page 2)

Chariklo

There's even reaching out for women.

If you're really good you may be given the privilege of having meetings in your house.

Such joy!

I always looked on the horizon, where it was leading. No matter how much they said it wasn't so, that was the ultimate goal. Not having any music except the Kingdumb Maladies, no TV, no reading anything not from the Washtowel Babble and Crap Slaveholdery, spending every second out in field circus doing something productive, going to every boasting session, and nothing else. There is a mathematical upper limit to what anyone can do, and I always felt that they (and Jehovah) were looking at every unit of service short of that mathematical upper limit as "stolen". Hell, I even felt that Jehovah would adversely judge me for not being born a day earlier and spending that day out in field circus as well.

And now they aren't getting anything at all out of me. And neither is Jehovah. Now that I have had a taste of Satanism, I have learned how much more balanced Satan is than Jehovah. No going around preaching to everyone. No getting up at 5 in the morning to do street work. No shame and guilt for watching a violent or sexually explicit TV show or movie, or listening to a song that blatantly glorifies Satan. No having to do boasting sessions--all the information is right there on their web site and links from there (and cross-reference is available through Google), and I can buy their CDs and books as I see fit. And, instead of taking 3 hours or more, things usually only take a few minutes when you are able.

For sure, if Satan is understanding and balanced while Jehovah isn't, then something's wrong with the Jehovah is good concept.

Tamasin

Being raised as a Jehovahs witness has to this day instilled in my husband a feeling of never being good enough, Bangalore I can totally relate to what you are saying. It makes me understand why some old religions people used to flagellate themselves, at least then u feel like u r "feeling" and suffering enough to prove your devotion, or whatever.

Sorry I'm not very articulate but i try :)

sinedie

I remember that same thing being said from the platform when I was pioneering.

It is the same reason why most of the JWs are never truly happy or satisfied with what they are doing, because there is always more they should do, or in other words if you have time to breathe you are not doing enough!!! I know one pioneer that tried to commit a suicide after not being able to continue pioneering. She felt depressed and worthless because she couldn't do more, and yet many speakers are comfortable to impose their rules on others from the platform, than can cause individuals to want to end their life. Horrible!!!

exjehovah

It is all about control. The more you are instructed to do what they tell you, the less time you will have free thought and define yourself. The more that you believe you have to follow this closed routine, the more you will be socially conditioned to their way of doing things. It interjects control, fear, and guilt...all tactics of cult teaching.

Band on the Run

It completely sums up my emotinal experience. No praise. Only being torn apart. Jesus was human, in part. He had to be found wanting. We are not God. The Bible is full of stories of an erring God. No one cared about my spiritual or personal development. They had no clue of my interests (well, my mom told me never to tell them b/c they would stop them). Only a drone filling out time sheets and sitting in meetings for attendance.

Ding

Tamasin,

Sorry I missed your first few posts.

Welcome to JWN!

Dagney

Well said! That is really the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I finally allowed myself to really feel that during a dreary Watchtower study that was berating the flock. In a moment of clarity I never went back after that meeting. It is control, they are only about control of the faithful to keep the corporation going. That's all really.

It Was Never Enough

00DAD

Bangalore