by Reborn2002 27 Replies latest jw friends
Reborn,
I know how you are feeling too and would love to talk more to ya. Share, support, comfort ...whatever. Mail me anytime ok? If you feel lonely, write me and we'll talk. I cant tell you how invaluable the friends I write to when I'm down have been. If I can be that to you or anyone else I feel like my suffering is worthwhile. So many here understand how hard it is.
take care,
flower
[email protected]
Reborn
You're not the one being conned here. It looks like your family will have to wait for armeggedon till the cows come home. Jw's like to look down other people. Be glad you're not deceiving yourself.
Cheers.
Reborn,
You've only been 'official' about seven months..I think you're still going through the beginning stages of breaking away. You're right around my age, so I can understand the type of disillusionment that you are facing.
I always felt silly for being sad about what I missed, the friends who've left me, until I realized that it's alright to have a small measure of self-pity, as well as a huge dose of happiness for all the of freedom that was won.
You have to think of these people who denigrate you as troubled......if a retarded person came up to you and called you stupid, would you take it seriously? It's the same thing. Remember the old agade, "Father, they know now what they do."
They don't. They're oblivious to your pain, in their minds, your heart doesn't matter, only your fleshly body making it through the 'great tribulation' matters.
Take the time to find real friends, date a sweet girl, don't do anything rash or become addictive to anything. Take it slow and find a niche to hide from the storms, and begin regarding the people who denigrate you as lost souls, so much more troubled than yourself. Give them your silent pity, but your very obvious love. Let them know how much you love and care about them, and when they lay on the guilt trips thick, just raise an eyebrow and politely change the subject.
You're an adult. If they can't accept that, make them accept it. You're in control of people's perceptions of you.
Perhaps taking a small relief now and then from your family would be good. Perhaps you can get a place far away from the fam, and only visit a few times a year.
Perhaps becoming closer is the answer.
Reborn, I know what you're saying about feeling old. I see the wrinkles around my eyes and frown marks on my face....some of us had it rough, but soon, after you've become settled again, you'll realize how short a period you were sad, because life is long, and you have most of it ahead of you.
You'll bear some scars, but hell, even people who weren't witnesses have problems, even bigger problems that we had or now have.
In the end, you can only love youself, and move on. If they're being this negative to you, take a step back, all the while loving them the same, and giving yourself some breathing room.
My email is definitly open. Shoot me one if you want to.
Besides pretending I have all of the answers, I like to shoot the shit about all sorts of stuff. Give me a mail.
later
ashi
Not to worry Jason,
You've gotten some great responses and support already. Of course you feel comfortable talking to people here...you don't have to explain everything to us, because we all know how you feel. But you will also find that you will be able to talk about your JW experiences to others and they will find it interesting...weird, but interesting. And they have been very supportive too when they find out your own family shuns you because of religion!
One important thing for you to remember right now, you are going through a grieving process. You are mourning the loss of a way of life, a belief system, and your family and friends. That's a hell of a lot to lose! So give yourself time to grieve and adjust, it's ok. Time will pass and you will develop social skills and friendships. Take advantage of the support that's been offered here too.
think41self
If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!
Dear Reborn,
My girlfriend and I have been discussing your post. We are awed by your gumption.
Allow me to digress. I raise parrots. One of the species is a Panama Amazon. They are normally very loving, and in the top two or three for talking ability and very rare. They are among my favorite species.
One of the pairs is going to nest right now. And, the male is doing a good job of standing guard outside the nest box. As I walk down the isle he always leaves his perch and flies in a straight line to the cage wall directly at me. His chest is is out, his mission is pure (protecting his family), and he is willing to take on a 200lb 6ft+ giant regardless of the odds.
Your post reminds me of that purity of purpose and virtue of character that I see in that Amazon. It is poetic and beautiful. Please do not doubt your decision no matter how painful the loss.
Now, back to the reality of our species. We are of a much higher order than parrots, yet we have the same chemicals and enzymes pulsating through our bodies. That, together with our ideologies make our potential for personal diaster far more likely. The good news is that you can direct your course through intelligence. I am very concerned that at such a young age, you will be taken advantage of by those that wish to promote a selfish agenda. If you realize how vulnerable you are, you have already won half the battle. Please give this some thought.
Many people have offered you what I believe to be genuine friendship here. Pleeeze take at least someone up on the offer. The biggest task you have right now is to get grounded. Do you understand? You must trust someone and through that relationship receive validation and honesty. A real friend will also disagree with you at times.
I am a 4th generation JW and totally understand the hurdles you are facing. My advice is to get connected with people who have been there. Hold people accountable for their offer of friendship; and if they don't perform, dump them. You must take good care of yourself.
I have a pretty high estimation of myself (don't we all :-) but, I could not have had the mental clarity to do what you did at your age. You must appreciate your uniqueness. Put forth the effort to establish new friendships now...on your terms.
Your story has touched me deeply. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime at [email protected]
Reborn,
You are making the right choice in reaching out.
Most on this board have suffered the same feelings of rejection as you & we can relate.
I try to live my life as honestly as possible, as a free man,a slave to no one & its good to be free.
Adjusting to freedom takes time & can be frighting.
Some want to go back to the way it was, like the x-con who willingly commits a crime just so he can return to prison & whats familiar.
Tough it out & give it time, you will make new friends.
Once you learn that , the truth about the 'so called truth' is a lie, what can you do anyway?
"ad astra per aspera" (to the stars through difficulties)
Reborn
I dont reckon you need to worry about your sincerity being questioned.
Your posting has sincerity written all over it.
Anyway. Being an astute judge of character...
...I can declare you'll be fine in time. Your pretty balanced. Hell.
We all get depressed sometimes.It takes time to build a life and years to overcome traumas of the mind and heart.Sorry its going to be a rough ride for a while, but I assure you you're learning amazing things that will benefit you greatly as your life rolls on.
You'll look back on your dub experience with awe and ask yourself why
you were lucky enough to have such an extraordinary experience that taught you such valuable lessons in human interaction and social behaviour.
Hey Reborn...
I have never been exactly in your shoes. But I spent a very crucial time of my life in the organization. During that time I mainly had friends only in the org. It was very hard when I got out to make friends and to break away from all the teachings and such. My family was no longer in when I left, so I do not know what it is like and I can only imagine the pain and frustration that goes along with that. My mom currently now has a limited relationship with me because of her mental illness and her abusive boyfriend. My dad has created a new family, so I do know what it is like to be with out family support. Feel free to email me. I know you are in chicago and I am just in indiana. It is a tough time, but things get better, they really do.....
Reborn - sorry to hear that you are feeling down. So many of us can relate to what you are going through. There is a lot of support here, and I encourage you to reach out and meet some of these nice folks in person.
I applaud your courage, and can assure you that in time things will definitely get better. I am 3rd generation, and 4th generation on my mother's side. My wife and I are now in our 40's - and out of the borg only 3 years. What we would give to have made the decision you made in your 20's! Rejoice my friend - you have so much of life before you - don't waste it! Live, learn, laugh and find love - its all out there. My business takes me to the Midwest a least a couple of times a year. Hopefully we will run into each other!
All best,
Mak
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, & over these ideals they dispute & cannot unite--but they all worship money.
- Mark Twain
Reborn, you haven't let your family down - but they have let you down big time. It must be awful to feel so alone. I don't think you are going to meet the kind of friends you are looking for here. Cyber-space friendships are not enough for some one like you. You need young friends. What about being proactive about making new friends. Join some clubs, and get to know as many people as you can thru them. Sports clubs or walking clubs or nature clubs or whatever. Get out and meet people. If that doesn't sound attractive or likely, then sign up to do volunteer work. Immerse yourself in helping others. I believe that will lead to an inner fulfilment that you don't have right now. If you are busy helping people you won't have time to feel so isolated. Plus this might be a way for you to develop a whole new network of friends.
Btw don't engage in trying to reason with your family about the witnesses. It's my experience that you need to be out a long time before you have enough objectivity to argue with family.
For the most part you will have to be just a little bit stronger - even though you've already shown so much intestinal fortitude. But now you must be strong all over again and build a new life for yourself. When you have achieved that, you will be rewarded with good company and a companion of your very own. Then life will seem so much more agreeable to you. Don't be impatient. But do work actively towards achieving your new life.
