Occasional feelings of sadness about the JW experience (page 2)

mynameislame

Heres a comple things that make me sad.

1. Never learning to make real friends because the only criteria for having a friend was that they be a JW no matter how crappy of a person they were. Looking back a lot of them were pretty crappy. In addition to that I had to stop hanging around with the people I did like because they weren't JWs. Although I bet the emotional disconnect made it a lot easer to deal with my DFing. After leaving I have to say I almost never thought about anyone I spent time with as a JW.

2. Not having other avenues for learning life's lessons for the things you parents didn't know. The old saying it takes a village has some merit. Other kids get to play sports and other after school activities to learn these lessons. JWs are discouraged from going to a therapist or even talking to the school counselor.. (Not that you would ever be able to trust then anyway)

Witness 007

Stiil in angry mode....wasted years!

Quendi

I'm sorry for your experience, lumper, and I wish I could say it was unusual or uncommon. Sadly, it is not but is instead a story one hears all too often about Jehovah's Witnesses. I got baptized in January 1976 and well remember the frenzied days before that when the WTS built up expectations around "the critical year 1975" as one issue of The Watchtower put it. Few of us were unaffected by the propaganda then which the WTS was quick to disavow when none of its predictions and expectations bore fruit.

I was a college student then and dropped out because of belief that such education was worthless and would only damage if not destroy one's spirituality. Fortunately, I eventually returned to school and got that diploma, a decision I never regretted. But I could do so because I had no family responsibilities and so could pursue some of my own dreams. Others were not as fortunate as I was and they find themselves marooned on a barren shore. But for some thirty years I labored in the WTS vineyard, pioneering for two years and postponing decisions and actions I should have made because that was "worldly" and "independent" thinking. What a fool I was!

But now we are out and must find the strength and energy to rebuild our lives. For many, that will be easier said than done. But I am convinced that it is the right course. I'm glad that lumper never gave up on Jesus Christ, the true leader of Christians. I am walking my own spiritual path without the burdens the WTS imposed and am much happier as well. If we are on that barren shore, let us move inland and discover the good things awaiting us. I did that and I wish the same for all of us.

Quendi

uk_ex_jw

Mr Facts,

I totally respect your openly post - I completely get where you are coming from.

I am bitter over a lot of things ;

a) Not making any effort at school, due to the fact I thought Armageddon was round the corner.

b) Not making enough effort to seek further education, which meant that I had to settle for dead-end jobs, and now due to illness, and being a victim of the financial climate, I am becoming more and more unemployable.

c) Struggling to gain any self-confidence, having been restricted and controlled since childhood by the Society.

d) Getting married to a JW - despite being totally incompatible. The marriage ended, divorced, spent four years in a custody battle, and as a result my financial health took a severe hammering - almost irreparable.

e) Having to go through the humiliation of a judicial hearing after I started dating a non-believer - and worrying that I was going to be D/F - even though now I wish I had of been.

f) Trusting people who I thought were true friends, and family members - to have my reputation destroyed, privileges removed, and stopped from reaching out - even though I was doing more than most.

Nambo

I had a lovely house will a big garden, I sold it and moved to serve where the need might be greater, Iam now stuck in a poky little flat that I detest and am too old to return to my former position.

I also rejected all offers of Love from "wordly" girls during my attractive years, whereas Sisters would be told I wasnt "Spiritual enough", Iam now an old man who has missed the (Love) boat and can only imagine the happiness that could have been mine as I face the certainty of a lonely, miserable and wasted existance, my lovely children who will never be born.

Star tiger

Hi,

I feel sad about the fact that everything was explained and required no thinking on my part and it was all simple, and the world now seems an amazing smorgasbord or different ideas, that I have to pick, I think the biggest challenge is the lack of certainty!

Best Regards,

Star Tiger

Mr Facts

hmmmm.

TMS

Rather than being overcome by an occasional melancholy mood from an unidentified source, with over 50 years in the cult, I know exactly where my where life went. It's not difficult to go back to critical junctures and see what steps could have and should have been taken. There are silly ways to rationalize things: I could have died in the Viet Nam War or from a drug overdose had I not been a JW or born in a different era, different country with different parents. None of that takes away the ache of a wasted life.

Both my wife and I probably needed some counseling when we exited the religion, but we would never have submitted to it, didn't believe in it and still don't feel that outide this board, much real therapeutic interaction exists for ex-JW's. I have greatly benefitted from my 11 years on this board, although I'm a very infrequent poster now. When I retired in 2004 I found myself living my entire life over again in my dreams with many of the conversations, the anger renewed in my mind. I do sleep more peacefully now, but nearly every minute I'm aware of being and ex-JW.

Quite by accident about 2 years ago, my wife and I found a slight niche we could fill in our community. After receiving some notoriety for stopping a corrupt, backdoor deal by our city, I started writing a blog with my wife contributing pictures and video. We began to receive anonymous tips about corruption, bribes, rigged bidding etc. in our area. In a weird alternate universe, we now work together much as we did as JW's for many years. Without being too trite, this sort of gives our life direction and purpose.

My wife and I differ about whether or not to share our JW background. She believes in total openness, while I can't think of a single situation that benefitted by revealing my former religion.

I'm sorry, Mr. Facts. I forgot the question.

tms

linuxbob

Heathen, very well said.

Nambo, I had tears in my eyes after reading your post.

Someday, maybe my bitterness and hostility will subside, but not for now.

Linuxbob.

Occasional feelings of sadness about the JW experience

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