My Grandmother (page 2)

MegaDude

If you have been through the "shitter" in life, and you decide you are going to play the game and live your life, you might as well NOT get in your own way with a negative attitude. Emotions are the energy that drive us. Why fight with yourself?

I wonder why people whose life seems to be about pissing and moaning and bitching and complaining bother to go on living. What's the point? I'm talking about people who do this ALL the time. Oh, and they never want your advice, and they never want so much as a suggestion because it's all about their poor selfs.

Andi, don't ever change. You're a light in a dark place.
I'm glad to have met you, and your positive outlook is refreshing.

PS Grow your hair out.

(heh heh kidding, I swear! I swear! lololol)

(((((andi))))))

gilwarrior

I can relate to these stories. The only difference is that I AM the one who is NEGATIVE. Sometimes I get mad for no reason, whether it be a key that doesn't open a door or being at a party and I don't feel that anyone is paying attention to me.

Recently, my roommate explained why sometimes I am difficult to be around. I am trying to be more positive, but it is hard for me. I basically have to recondition the way I think. However, I am trying to be more social and I hope that this can help me.

"I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

William H. Macy - "Magnolia"

teenyuck

gilwarrior...I think it is very hard to put the JW stuff behind us. The whole idea of the world ending, we will be perfect, we are better than everyone else because we have "the truth." Those ideas are hard to put aside.

For me, the best thing was going away to college. I got away from the negativity of the JW's and my mother, who frankly, would make a depressed person jump! My sister left home at age 17, however. She is just a nasty, jealous person.

Whenever I want to say something negative or be negative, I look at her...literally. I have photos from her as a smiling young girl and now...she looks old and haggard and is only 43. She has had a scowl on her face so long, it has made permanant lines!

Like Andi said, it is our responsibility to make ourselfs happy. Your recognizing it and trying to be more positive is a very big step. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can make it better. Big Hug

Shimmer

Andi,

Interesting subject and one that I deal with on a daily basis. It seems as though I am surrounded by negative people. From my mom, friend, son and a little boy I babysit. And since I am an armchair therapist. I am constantly trying to figure out why these people love to wallow in negativity and self-pity. And as Dr. Phil says they must be getting something out of it. Which I think is "attention". I call it the "feel sorry for me song and dance". Your Grandma sounds like she has that and also maybe a bit of a control issue. She probably didn't like your haircut because you didn't run it by her first and get her "glorious" opinion.

I think a lot of bad behaviour's like that are the end result of things that have happened in our life. And they are a sort of coping skill that continues with us even after the bad times are over and done with, but it's like a bad habit that we can't shake. It takes a very aware and open minded person to get to the point where we can get rid of negative coping skills and gain positive ones. I'm proud to say that after years of therapy and a lot of hard ass work both my husband and I are able to see that the glass "is" half full. And Andi you sound like the kind of person I like to surround myself with, I can't wait to meet you someday.

Cheers,

Shimmer

Maybe being oneself is alway an acquired taste.-----PATRICIA HAMPL

Billygoat

Shimmer,

You said a few things that really struck a chord with me:

Your Grandma sounds like she has that and also maybe a bit of a control issue. She probably didn't like your haircut because you didn't run it by her first and get her "glorious" opinion.

You hit the nail on the head with this one!!! She is one of the bossiest people around. Sometimes I don't think she even realizes she's being bossy or grumpy. Like you said...

...it's like a bad habit that we can't shake.

So true!!!

I'm proud to say that after years of therapy and a lot of hard ass work both my husband and I are able to see that the glass "is" half full.

I wouldn't have been able to do it without the assistance of my counselors and friends. They've been so good about keeping me accountable for those times I've been negative. They've lifted me up when I literally couldn't do it on my own.

((((gilwarrior))))

I know you can overcome it. It can be done. I've worked hard and made lots of progress. It makes me feel better about myself and it makes me more fun to be around. I was one of the worst roommates I can imagine just a few years ago. I was very moody and had unattainable expectations of people and Life. I didn't realize how difficult I was to live with until after my divorce. Kind of a wake-up call I guess. Just focus on the words coming out of your mouth. Keep them positive even if you don't feel like it. It gets you into the "habit". Have you ever heard of the phrase "Fake it till you make it"? It was appropriate in for me for a long time! Still is sometimes!

Thanks for all the comments!

Andi

larc

Girl,

I mean Billy Goat, I mean Andi, your last post really touched me. I am right proud to know you. I am this old, thick skinned, curmugean, getting teary eyed.

SixofNine

I think your Gramma's been engaging in fifty or sixty years of "stinkin' thinkin'".

She should really read this gentlemans book:

Stuart Smalley is a caring nurturer, a member of several twelve-step programs, but not a licensed therapist. His show "Daily Affirmations" is on a cable access channel. The show is geared to help people with mental disabilities, such as overeating, drug abuse, and alcoholism.

Stuart himself grew up with a dysfunctional family. His father was "a big stinking drunk" who called chubby Stuart, "a waste of space." Stuart's mom is "a total loon and in complete denial about Dad's drinking," while his brother is a dope addict. Still, Stuart maintains a good and positive attitude throughout his show, while helping people solve their problems.

Billygoat

LOL@Sixie!

"...doggonit...people like me!"

I loved Stuart Smalley!

((((Larc)))) You're so cool!

Love,
Andi

mommy

Andi
First let me give ya a (((((hug)))) for your honesty. I love it! Fake it until you make it? Haha I did the same thing, and it works! It seems as if my whole family are negative people who need to place the blame on everyone else and are unable to accept any responsibility for their own actions. I had a moment the other day, it wasn't an "aha" moment but a deep fear. I wondered if I was just like them. Thankfully I was able to see that since I am always right, I am nothing like them, because they are always wrong <Joke> I realized that is how we become better people, seeing others weaknesses and deciding not to be that way. It is difficult when we are surrounded by them, and a break away from them is usually in order.

Completely breaking off a relationship has to be determined on an individual basis. I know there are many I love that have weaknesses, or quirks I do not like, yet I accept them anyway. On the other hand there are those who I have written off, and feel healthier for doing so. Case in point my grandma was a very controlling woman, yet we all loved her and accepted her as she was. If there was a family gathering we knew it would end with her mad, and all of us in turmoil. But despite this she had so many good qualities that it was worthwhile to maintain a realtionship with her. The way I saw it was, she was an older woman, set in her ways and wasn't going to make any changes so it was a take it or leave it scenario. I am sooooo thankful I was able to put up with the BS she dished out, because I learned much from her.
wendy

LOL Six

Mulan

Sounds a lot like my mother. Not a pleasant person, much of the time. My Mom has multiple personalities, a fact I've recently realized. It explains so much, like why she accuses me of things I never did, and why she never remembers the mean things she says. Last week she was wonderful, and loving. Now she is being demanding and pitiful again. What you have to realize in dealing with people like them, is that you can't change them. You can only change YOU. It helps me to endure her. (she was horribly sexually abused by her grandfather, a fact we learned two weeks ago.......it explains it all) By the way, she is 89.

Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers

My Grandmother

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