Dear Watchtower?

by ldrnomo 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  ldrnomo

  I thought it would be fun to start a question and answer series. I'll be the Watchtower and you send in questions.

  Here's an example:

  Dear Watchtower,

  Today my granddaughter was playing a computer game on the Disney Junior site and she started watching a story that had a magic beanstalk in it. What should I do?

  troubled grandpa

  Dear troubled grandpa,

  You should immediatly tell your granddaughter that Jehovah hates magic and she should too. Tell her to close up the computer and throw it in the trash because if she doesn't, Jehovah will hate her too.

  Go ahead and ask any question for the Watchtower.
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  Sparlock

  Dear Watch Tower,

  When I was thrown in the bin by Mother-Bitch, I noticed some discarded back issues of magazines. In those magazines I noticed that there were referenced to "miracles". Is that why they were in the bin? Are miracles magic?
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  JW GoneBad

  Idrnomo good topic. However, 'Dear Watchtower' may be opening a can of worms by the invitation. Prepare yourself!
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  ldrnomo

  Dear Sparlock,

  Good question. As you know, the Bible talks about many times when Jehovah wanted to do somthing that went against his own laws of nature he would perform miracles. These miracles are not the same as the magic performed by his creation like makeing a magic warrior from plastic it is highly likely that those magazines were in the garbage because the articles in them were so boring that they were not read and just thrown away. Miracles are the only magic that is allowed because only Jehovah is the great magician.

  PS, how did you escape from the bin?

  The Watchtower
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  kurtbethel

  Dear Watchtower,

  Being a special pioneer has been special for me. I have been raising my children up to love you and your visible organization. I have taught them to avoid evil worldly influences. Just the other day my son Caleb threw out a toy that was given to him by a worldly boy when he realized playing with it would make you sad. Here is my problem. My husband is a sweet man, but he is not well educated and can only get manual labor jobs. We have had to cut corners to make ends meet. In order to insure that my children get proper protein in their diet, I have been luring neighborhood pets into my yard and then butchering them for choice cuts of meat. I make sure that they are properly bled (Acts 15:20) and find they make our meals go farther. I grind it up and serve it with hamburger helper, and the children love it. They never suspect a thing. Does this practice have Jehovah's approval?

  S, Peoria, IL

  Dear S,

  Those pets and their worldly owners will be destroyed soon when Armageddon breaks out, so if they are needed to sustain Jehovah's people in times of distress, it is perfectly acceptable. Jehovah recognizes that his people will sometimes have to improvise necessary food and drink. (Isaiah 36:12) His real concern is your heart. Are you faithfully attending meetings with fellow cult members believers? Do you pray and study Bible based publications daily? When you put kingdom interests first, Jehovah will bless you with your needed material provisions.

  The Watchtower
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  tresdecu

  Dear Watchtower

  Recently I started a thread on an "apostate" discussion board about school sports and whay many of us couldn't play. First of all, will I be destroyed at armaggedon for logging onto JWD. My second question, why the F#c% wasn't I allowed to play football in High School? Oh and Baseball would have been fun too. Thanks for depriving me of these joys to please my elder father and pioneer mother oh and Jehovah too? Oh sorry that's not a question. Damn you old fools!

  Sincerely

  TD
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  TOTH

  Dear Watchtower, can i go make poop?
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  TimeBandit

  Dear Watchtower,

  Is it wrong to pray when I'm in the shower? It seems to be the ultimate in humility being naked and vulnerable when praying to Jehobah. Usually I get a good feeling when I'm praying all naked in the shower like that, but sometimes I get aroused unintentionally after washing my privates. Do you think this makes Jehovah uncomfortale? Should I stop washing down there?

  Sincerely,

  TimeBandit.
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  ldrnomo

  Dear TD

  Of course the Watchtower magazine warns us about associating with apostates because they are "mentally deseased" if you have touched the keyboard that goes directlyt to an apostate website, it is possibly too late for you so according to all the members of the GB, you will be destroyed. You will probably fall into a deep chasm in the ground and be swollowed up.

  As far as sports goes, the watchtower states, " bad association spoils useful watchtower habits". in the article it stated that school sports foster a love for fun excercise, socaial acceptence and other wicked things of the world. The spirit of the air is all around but it is especially strong in sports locker rooms. It is good that your parents forbid you from playing these games because you may have become succesful in some way in the WORLD which would of course make you worldly. So write on a chalkboard 100 times, "School sports are bad"

  but I guess it doesn't really matter because YOUR TOAST

  The Watchtower
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  ldrnomo

  Dear TOTH

  As you know, Poop is a worldly thing, the Bible says, "the world is corupt and so is it's poop so therfore keep away from all things stinky and refrain from poop for it is the work of Satan"

  If you do have to poop in the future, make sure you do it in the Kingdom Hall where all things are made clean.

  The Watchtower

  PS, don't poop in any Kingdom Halls in New York because one of us GB members may be going there