by ldrnomo 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Dear Watchtower, The other nite while praying I
pass Gas. Do you think my pray was acceptable.
Watchtower: Brother when A sister is rape, we question
did she do every thing in her power to stop the rape, did
she scream, call on Jehovah, fight and etc. In your case
since you was talking to Jehovah, did you ask him for help,
with all your power did you try to hold it. It is A unclean act
that is not acceptable when talking to Jehovah.
God bless you and your gas problem.
Dear Jam,
Obviously you do not understand the way the watchtower works. You ask the question, we give you the answer. Now, about passing gas
The Governing Body has met often and and prayed hard about this problem they have asked Jehovah incessently in prayer to help them with the problem but the older they get, the more gas they pass. Of course as any of the Bethel workers will tell you, "the GB's gas don't stink" but we are off subject.
You bring up a good point and it is true that most that are raped now a days are asking for it. So the Faithful Slave has come up with a 5 point plan to help you with this unclean act of passing gas.
1) Don't drink beer.
According to the Bible, beer was first made by the Pagan Egyptions who passed a lot of gas. So not only will not drinking beer cut down on you gas passing, it we also make you a friend of Jehovah's because you will no longer be pursuing a pagan practice.
2) Poop every morning.
Often times, gas is caused by fecal waste pushing through the large intestine, keeping that part of the body clean will help to keep the fumes down. Also with a clean intestine the gas that passes will be a sweet smell to Jehovah.
3) Don't eat beans.
As you may know, beans is a musical fruit though many scholars will argue that beans are a fruit, the song prooves they are.
4) No cabbage, I repeat, No cabbage
This one doesnt even need explaining. Jehovah didn't make cabbage as a food, he created them to throw at people and though we don't condone violence unless Jehovah says it's alright, a cabbage thrown in a crowd is always a delight, of course so is passing gas.
5) And this is the most important...when you feel a fart is about to start pray to Jehovah to help you hold it in and if you are faithful he will answer your prayer
And don't forget brother jam, you ask the question, we give the answer and we are never wrong
Your Brothers
The Watchtower
