Mental Illness & Suicide In the Organization

by What Now? 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • jemba
    jemba

    My panic attacks were only at the meetings and field circus for years. It eventually started to happen at work as well.

    My depression, anxiety and feelings of panic, even though medicated on the max dose of prozac disappeared almost instantly when I came to this website and found out TTATT.

    If I believed in miracles I could attribute it to God, but it is so much simpler than that... I finally gave in to that subconscious prodding that 'something aint right, too many doubts'!

    I literally woke up the next day realising I had been living a lie and felt different, over the next few weeks and months I waited to fall back into that darkness but it didnt happen and still hasnt.

    Trying to explain this to my dub parents is near impossible and makes me look apostate in their eyes (which I am, lol) ... and thats just blaming the org for my mental illness, so they think Im just having a break (much to their disgust).

    I firmly believe now that a lot of the mental illness in the org is that subconscious doubting trying to be heard and constantly pushed back. Also the pressure to conform, not think too much, guilt, fear and not ever being able to measure up is to blame.

    Leaving the org may not be an instant fix for many but I think if they find out TTATT they will get well onto the road to healing.

  • jemba
    jemba

    Thanks Zordino. I agree with you.

    Welcome Celtic and Koky.

    I feel so similar to you Whatnow. Thankyou for this post.

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    Quendi, your story is heart-rending.

    You've given me much to think about that resonates with many of my own issues.

    00DAD

  • What Now?
    What Now?

    Thanks everyone.

    When I look back over the periods in my life when I went through depression, a lot of it was associated with issues within the religion.

    Being a witness in grade school made you a target for bullies.

    There were so many cliques within the congregations, I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere.

    I went through a phase in high school and ended up getting publicly reproved - a lot of humiliation associated with the whole judicial process and having it announced to the whole congregation.

    Your parents are never truly proud of you unless you're pioneering right out of high school.

    Then came the guilt over not doing enough for "the truth". I actually very nearly ended my relationship with my husband while we were engaged because I knew he wasn't "MS material", and at the time I thought I wanted to go and serve where the need was greater.

    Now that I'm mentally out ... I feel much better. But since we're still keeping up appearances for the sake of friends and family (for the moment) I end up with a lot of anxiety while at the meeting.

    Add all that to some self esteem issues and you've got one mixed up lady!

    I'm so sorry for the things that all the rest of you have gone through. But it helps so much to hear other people's stories and knowing that you're not alone in this.

  • Quendi
    Quendi

    00DAD, you have a PM.

    Quendi

  • shamus100
    shamus100

    Whatnow,

    You will be surprised how much better you feel a few months after not going to those meetings (bashing sessions).

    Do yourself a favour and check every time they are being negative on the platform... i.e. buzzwords, not doing enough, armageddon, doing more...

    The quicker you power fade the happier you will be. ;)

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    Quendi you have an email.

    Thanks, 00DAD

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit