Almost there......

by eyes_opened 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • eyes_opened
    eyes_opened

    Hi everyone, this is my first post here. First of all, let me explain a bit of my background. I was raised as a JW from the age of 4 years old. My family tried so hard to be the perfect JW family, but whatever you do and how much you do, it is never enough. My father has worked so incredibly hard his whole life, and he would struggle to make all the meetings and to go out in field service on little sleep, but it seems that he was never praised for his efforts, but just "shepharded" when he did less. I was eventually baptized...not so much because I thought that it was the truth, but more or less because it was the thing to do....It was all I had known since I was 3. The funny thing is though, it never really felt REAL to me....it never touched my heart. I would sit at the meetings and watch others around me, so into the meetings and wonder what was wrong with me. Why didn't I have this deep conviction and love that THEY had? Maybe there was something wrong, or bad about me. I was terminally guilty about feeling the way I felt. So many things that the speakers said didn't make sense to me.
    A loving, father like God is willing to kill billions of men, women and children for not being a JW? A loving god will let billions suffer and die for thousands of years so he can prove his sovereignty, when to him 1000 years is like a day, but for his creatures time moves at a snails pace? etc. etc. There are so many examples I can come up with. Anyway...I still went through the motions. I eventually married "in the truth" <And luckily I am blessed with the worlds greatest guy in the world :) > We went to the meetings, but the more I went the less I agreed with, and the more I grew to feel that something was just not right. Then after a very difficult pregnancy and birth, my somewhat poor meeting attendence eventually grew to not going at all. It was during this time that is felt as if a veil was lifted from before my eyes. It's almost like waking up from a long dream.....I was starting to see things clearly and for the way that they really are!! What a true revelation to know that maybe there wasn't anything wrong with ME!
    I now realize that being "In the truth" Is nothing more than being brain washed. When you have a chance to stand at a distance and have a chance to think for yourself for a while, you can see what is actually going on, the methods that are used to hang on to people. To me the most abhorrhent is the threat of losing those that you love if you DARE doubt a word TWBTS has to say. Unfortunately only a few members of my family have shaken free from "The truth" I have had sisters from the local hall calling on me for the past few months, trying to get me going...I can see the pity in their eyes as they try to shepherd this poor lost sheep <can you see me rolling me eyes?> recently, a few days ago I told one of the sisters that I had some questions that have been bothering me for a long time. So she told me to email them to her, as I think she knew it was something that would be too difficult for me face to face. So I finally emailed her a list of my biggest issues with the God that most christians worship. I read the letter to my husband before sending it and agreed with everything in it. It was basically the issues I stated above, plus a bit more. I have not heard back from her yet, but I can imagine she was probably slack-jawed for about an hour...then shut her puter off lest she become "demonized" by my heinous apostate malarky. <Why is it, that a group who is supposed to be so blessed by JH is so dang scared of being demonized?> Anyhow I 'spect I'll have the hanging party at my door within the next few days....sheesh. I'm still not sure what to do If that happens. Does anyone have any suggestions? HELP please....My husband is behind me 100% but I am so terrified of losing my family <parents on both sides, some brothers and sisters, grandparents, etc> It has taken me so long to get to this point...and in spite of my fear of losing my family I feel so wonderfully, gloriously free. The guilt that was constant companion for so many years has vanished, and I can know see a glimmer of the real God who created this beautiful earth. Not the Vindictive, scary creatures that most christians Worship. Any suggestions would be most humbily and gratefully accepted.

    eyes_opened

  • mgm
    mgm

    Welcome eyes-opened

    don't forget, you're not alone...My story is quite similar to yours..
    I felt like you:"funny thing is though, it never really felt REAL to me....it never touched my heart"
    We, my wife and me lost a big part of the family too just a few months ago.
    You are in the situation, wheter to pretend for the sake of your family or to follow your feeling. Once if saw the WT from another view, there is no way back anymore.
    Even I would love to be togehter with my family again, I can't go back and pretend something...
    Hope, it helps you to see some others in the same situation.
    I wish you strengh to go your way...

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Welcome Eyes-Opened,
    It never ceases to amaze me the common thread we all have. I could have typed your letter word for word with the exception of the personal parts. And so could have just about everyone else on this board. It is astounding.
    Looking forward to hearing more from you! Soon.
    TW

  • larc
    larc

    Tell them as little as possible.

    Your main objective is to maintain your relationship with your freinds and family. You can only do that by using "Tact" that is be evasive and lie if you have to. Use the skill of using "tact" they taught you to your advantage. Does that sound wrong? Well, be truthful and lose your family or lie your butt off so you can still talk to people. Don't play by their rules, play by yours.

  • mgm
    mgm

    larc, from my own experience I can say, it's very hard to play that roll just to keep your family happy. And mostly, they are worried about you and wanna know, why don't you go to meetings anymore and so on....
    And when they disuss so called "theocratic topics" with the family members, what do you say? Do you say, what they expect to hear?

    What about, they ask you to pray? Can you still pray in the way they like to hear?

    It depends from case to case, how your family is, right?

  • trevor
    trevor

    Hello eyes opened,

    In answer to your question, you have to move on. If these family member, includuing parents, are prepared to cut you off then they have provred that they are not worth - the candle. Focus on making friends with good people with whom you can form real friendships. Learn to enjoy the serenity of your own company and not to be afraid of being alone. We are only visitors to this planet and we will all be leaving so soon.

    Time is to precious to waste your emotional on brainwashed, bigoted people. It is a wonderful world (in places) Seek out the best and use your experience to help you be free for the rest of your life. The only thing that can hold you back is your own fear. Face it, defy it and be free.

    All the best

    trevor

  • larc
    larc

    Yes, you say what you want them to hear, and yes you say a nice prayer. I did just that and it bought me several years with my family. One time my cousin asked me why I was inactive and I told her that I didn't want to go into it because it was not my intention to "stumble her". It bought me time and it allowed her to drop the subject. To confront her would only produce anger and defensiveness from her, so why do it?

  • larc
    larc

    My last comment was directed to mgm, but another comment go up before mine.

  • MoodyBlue
    MoodyBlue

    I wish I had some great suggestions for u eyes, but I don't. My eyes too are open to the "truth," but my husband's are not... I know the fear of losing family is overwhelming.

    Say as little opposing the society as possible. The first thing that enters into JW's minds is apostacy...never "maybe that's something I should think about." It is a hard spot to be in, but be thankful your husband and parents are supportive. You will need them.

    Live each day as u can, because, really, NONE of us know what tommorow will bring.

    Sorry I can't be of more help, but all the best to you.

  • eyes_opened
    eyes_opened

    Thank you so much all! It is so heartwarming to know I'm not alone in this :) I have read all your posts and appreciate so much all of your input. I'll keep you all updated.

    eyes_opened

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