BALAAMSASS- Congrats buddy on what I think is one of the BEST threads I've read in months ! Awesome subject and a very important one. There are so many great comments from folks on this thread- I don't know where to start !
BALAAMSASS- My wife and I really enjoyed lunch with you and your wife as well ! Great food, great friends. Look forward to Tahoe ! Your comment that , " The truth will set you free " the REAL truth TTATT...... Enjoy life. " Is SO true. I have experienced so much goodness in my life since exiting the Witnesses it's not even funny. I can give more time to my business in order to earn more $$$ if I want to ( no meetings or service clogging up my schedule ) , my wife and I with help from my son have planted an absolutely awesome organic garden full of vegetables, fruit including blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries - and check it out - we HAVE THE TIME to take care of it and manage it ! Amazing. I've also enjoyed playing music and writing songs with the guitar - never thought that would happen- but we have the TIME now. No mind control cult telling us what we can or cannot do.
IGNORANCEISBLISS- I truly DO empathize with what you are saying coming from a difficult place in your life . I have experienced every single thing you mentioned that you have experienced . I lost my first marriage after 19 years. I had to have visitation with my teenage kids back in the late 1990's to 2003 . I was ill spoken of by my fanatic JW ex-wife to all of our friends - I was called a " villain ", " apostate " , " Satan " , a " demon " a " bad influence " , and probably a few words I cannot use here on Simon's board or he'd kick me off. LOL.
The thing is is this IGNORANCE - yes you ARE going through horrific bad times RIGHT NOW - but it's NOT the rest of your life and I think that's what Balaamsass is trying to help people to realize here. I went through hell too being cut off from ALL my JW family and was DFed for 4 years. But in time my son who turned 18 then in his early 20's left the JW cult and we are best of friends now. Any JW friends that abandoned me I now consider just " chump change " compared to the REAL authentic ex-JW and non-JW friends I have gained over the years. I've been out of the Witnesses 11 years now for good- and I promise it WILL get better. It's like an old psychologist Frederick Perls once said, " To suffer one's death , and to be reborn is not easy ". It hurts to die to our JW past because there IS loss - but in time with the pain gradually subsiding a person CAN rebuild their life and it CAN become better than the life we had before. Hang in there friend. If you ever want to chat on the phone- I offer my friendship to you.
JAMES THOMAS- your comment, " You cannot imagine the weight that leaves you when you let go of all the massive mental collection of what " life is all about " , and silently just be with life instead " . Exactly, I totally agree. To be present in the " here and now " and enjoy the experience of living AS it HAPPENS. I think the old song " Stop and Smell the Roses " is applicable to this point. It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of my shoulders when I finally decided in 2003 to walk away from the WT organization. Since then I feel like I'm walking on air. Of course there are problems along the way- but I don't freak out over them like I used to as a JW.
DAGNEY- So great to hear you are coming to Tahoe ! Fantastic ! It will be lots of fun with a lot of the gang there. I like the point you made that, " it gets better and better as you get stronger and stronger in your own self worth ". That is SO true. I was raised with an elder dad , very strict who never felt that I lived up to his " spiritual " expectations good enough for his approval. Thus I grew up with a lower self esteem than I should have had. Thank gawd I had a mom who built up my self worth or I'd have been a basket case getting out of the JW cult. Like yourself I enjoy keeping in touch with the ex-JW community as they truly are very caring, understanding people for the most part.
SIMON- You also made an extremely valid, good point in your statement, " At some point you may make a choice whether to obsess about the lost years and become bitter and determined to seek revenge ...... or you'll decide that was just a phase in your life and you grew and moved on. " So extremely true. Especially if we moved on in our 40's or 50's we have to ask ourselves the all important question- " Is the glass half full or half empty " ? Of course it's a cliché but it's still a good idea to ask ourselves that question. Because it very well MAY determine how we go on living the rest of our life . Will we move on and pursue interests we have in life or dwell totally in the past and let ourselves rot in that vegetative state ? These are all questions I asked myself when I first exited the JW cult and although it hasn't always been easy - the good in my life has come to far outweigh any negative the WT Society tried to steal my soul with