Was leaving easy for you?

Preston

I was contemplating today on how easy it was for me to leave the congregation compared to what many people here had to deal with. I mean, all the letters, judicial committees, family breakdowns were not really something I had to deal with. The worst thing I had to deal with was when a couple of elders inquired if I ever "acted on" my being gay. I do not feel obligated to provide them information on matters when their only purpose is for them to gather up evidence for some judicial hearing, and that's when my relationship with the upper echelons of my former faith ended. Since then it's been a blast, it's almost like I never was a Jehovahs's Witness to begin with since as soon as I wasn't giving talks, turning in time, or confessing to "anything unscriptual" I was no use to 'em. I mean, sure, my belief in the future isn't as bright as it once was, but then again, I left on my own terms as peacefully as possible, with almost no protest from my family. Am I the only one here who had a relatively easy exit? Talk to me...

siegswife

Hi Preston! For me, leaving was easy and hard. It was easy because, like you, I didn't have any close ties inside. I lived in a large town, so it was easy never to see them and I eventually moved.

It was hard because I really believed it was the truth, and I had to come to grips with just how untrue it is. Something like that shakes up your perception of reality, ya know what I mean?

Tammie

When it was time for me to leave, I simply wrote a dissocation letter and mailed it in. A couple of days later, a couple of elders came to my home, "just to make sure I was the one who wrote the letter". It was easy for me, because my husband, and sole mate felt the same way as me. So we had each other for support, and we needed each other because we both had family who shunned us. But with other relatives, support groups such as this one, and our faith in God it was fairly easy. I am not saying that there has been some difficult day, because there has. Actually my life is more fulfilled than ever before.

The truth can never be hurt by a lie,
but a lie can be exposed by the truth.

cellomould

It has been difficult for me to deal with my parents since my two brother's had already been disfellowshipped; I was supposed to be the 'upright and obedient' oldest son.

Well, I grew up, mentally and emotionally. It happened so quickly (within the last 1.5 yrs) that I haven't been able to communicate properly and assert myself. I don't know if I should assert myself with them. It may hurt them. [:?]

I find it rather amusing now that the P.O. of my old congregation used what I had told him in a private conversation in one of his talks the following week. This was perhaps a 'marking' talk.

He said, 'any one who doesn't believe in the ransom of Jesus has no reason to be here!'

What a punk, eh?

My emotional attachments are so thin now that I have considered initiating a conversation with all the elders and telling them where I stand. Not to be emotionally confrontational, but definitely to challenge them intellectually.

Some may look within themselves honestly. Most probably will not. But I do know one elder in particular who may benefit from a healthy discussion.

Anyhow, you have a point in that most of the 'uneasiness' comes from our own insecurities. If you accept yourself, you won't have a hard time 'coming out' so to speak.

While I am not gay, by the way, I have a friend who is still in and struggling with these issues. He still doesn't have the courage to speak it, but I just know there's something there, let's say.

Any ideas to make leaving easier for him?

cellomould

"In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ

Preston

siegswife: Yeah, I understand how when your belief system changes like that it's tough. Right now, I want to believe in God, and I try to imitate Christ but I cannot help but consider myself an agnositc, and unsure about a lot of things. You're a bad person, just dealing with the transition. Most of the people I knew win my congregation were what I would call acquaintances, rather than friends. BTW, I was merely stating how my experience leaving was not as bad as what other people here had to deal with.

Tammie: I'm sorry that you didn't receive support from your family, but I'm relieved to know that your guy was there to support you. I was fortunate that my family in the Congregation (just my mom and brother) didn't shun me because they take a more liberal view toward the society's teaching. Still, it's great to know that your life is more fulfilled.

Preston

cellomould, thank you replying to my post, and I understand where you're coming from. My brother was a witness at one time, and he "fell away" when he started college. I was THE model witness in my congregation for a long time so my Mom was absolutely crushed when I left.

Anywho, first of all I'm sorry that your friend is dealing with this. Please assure your friend that there are a variety of organizations that will be willing to support your friend and help him deal with his feelings. Since I don't know specifically how he feels about being gay, I'll say that the most difficult thing in dealing with "coming out" is really "coming out" to your self. He may be facing the difficulty that I had: Specifically, reconcilling your religious beliefs with your sexual orientation. There are a couple of books that have gone in-depth into the subject. The best one I have read is "The Good Book" by Peter Gomes.

If he has "come out" to himself and has accepted this part of himself then it will be easier for him to have some kind of support group outside of the congregation that will support him. If he's a pretty young there's a group called P-Flag that might help. Some counselors at school may be able to help.

I will not encourage your friend to leave the congregation since that is just one thing I never tell people to do. Leaving the organization is a huge, difficult decision that is left up to the person. Getting some outside support should help though. Tell me a little more and I might be able to hone in your question more.

Preston.

Xander

I mean, sure, my belief in the future isn't as bright as it once was

Ehhh...what??

You can look forward to getting totally toasted every weekend without worrying about 'stumbling' someone.

You can shag rotten whoever the hell you feel like without worrying about 'god' looking down on you (or, at least, a JC).

You can actually build a lifelong relationship with someone you are attracted to instead of having to find someone 'spiritual' and of the appropriate gender.

Seems like a brighter future than you were facing before. I mean, an eternity cleaning up the Earth living under an oppressive 'god' and elder body sures sounds like a lot of fun to me [8>]

A fanatic is one who, upon losing sight of his goals, redoubles his efforts.
--George Santayana

Preston

Good points Xanderm I liked your comments, and believe me I agree that it's great that I don't have the "watchful eye of God" scutinizing my every move, but then again, beyond this life I'm not looking forward to anything else which is kind of a downer.

cellomould

Thanks for your comments, Preston.

I don't think my friend has come out to himself. That is most likely the problem.

Also, the sexuality issue may be a little more complicated. I dunno.

Mind if I e-mail you sometime?

I don't want to share too much on the board.

thanks,

cellomould

"In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ

morrisamb

Preston..I quietly walked away in '85 and didn't get disassociated until I wrote a column in a paper in '95 about being gay and feeling free after being a caged bird all my life. All those years later, it still bothered me. I got a call after the article appeared..the Elder (who at one time was like a father to me) says they want me to an Elder's meeting. I said, "I haven't been a Witness in 10 years and I don't consider myself one!" "We still consider you one, so we'd like you to come in and talk to us." I said I wouldn't and he says, "So you are saying you want us to disassociate you." I said, "No, I didn't say that." Then he went back to wanting me to come to an Elder's meeting. This went back and forth until I said, "You do whatever, bye." My Mother told me they announced I was disassociated that week.
It hurt even though I didn't beleive it. I think some of you can understand that when you've been raised in it like I was, this was your first family and the peer pressure is unbelievable.

Was leaving easy for you?

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