Was leaving easy for you? (page 2)

Prisca

Preston,

Thanks for raising a very good question.

It often seems that the experience one has in leaving the Borg has a direct effect on how a person recovers from being in the Borg.

When I first realised the lies of the Borg, and I came to the conclusion that I couldn't have a part of this organisation that was definitely NOT directed by God, I researched the effectiveness of the various ways a person could leave.

The best one for me seemed to be the quiet fade, and since my meeting attendance was increasingly becoming spasmodic, it was a pretty easy thing to do. I received a few visits from the elders who tried to find out what was wrong, and surprisingly few phone calls from "friends" as to why I wasn't at the meetings any more.

The hardest thing was the lack of friends I had after leaving, since I had always been a good JW and had no worldly friends. It was very lonely at first. However, the time alone gave me the space to decide what I was going to do with my life from now on. It has taken the space of some 2 years to gradually form friendships with non-Jws.

So leaving the Borg was easier than many of those I've read on this forum and other web sites. However, leaving has consequences no matter which method you choose.

gilwarrior

For me it was easy. I didn't have any Witness friends, I was never baptized, and I didn't really have any opposition from my family. I simply stopped going one day and I never returned.

"I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

William H. Macy - "Magnolia"

Preston

morrisamb,

*HUGS*, you have no idea how angry I get when I hear about situations like yours. The elder body that you dealt with only wanted to exploit your honest view of your sexuality for their own advantage which is sickening. Forgive me for being blunt but, It takes balls to do what you did and please, do not regret your writing a candid article.

I did write a letter on Homosexuality to the local paper, which appeared in the editorials section. Apparently they never saw it since I never got any calls (who'd think the elder body would be concerned with reading about other people's opinions anyway). I also had comments in a front page article of the University newspaper (I guess the angels forgot to bring this to the elders attention as well).

I say bravo Morris for standing up to your beliefs, even when it meant the elders trying to make an example out of you in front of the whole congregation.

E-mail me, Preston.

chezza

This is a good question,i was 4 years old when my mum started going to the meetings, my dad was never religious at all but he insisted that we go along with mum coz it was agood way to live our lives ie: the morals and all, so i did what we were supposed to do, the preaching the talks baptism etc, married a ministerial servant and thought wow i have done well, then somewhere out of the blue years later we found out that my brother in law had molested my niece and that tapparently the elders were aware of him doing the same thing to someone in the congregation years earlier and it had literally been swept under the carpet, i chose because of my inlaws support to him ( they were witnesses mind you) to not speak to them because of my understanding of the bible tey were condoning what he was doing, he was disfellowshipped also for something else, and they chose to still have him in their house and associate with him and even payed his legal fees to get him off the charges, to cut a very long story short, i was told by the elders i was a bad witness because i would not talk to my inlaws, (by this stage my husband was an elder) and that i was a bad example and that if i didnt talk to my inlaws my husband would loose his position and he actually was supporting the elders in their meeting with me, after choosing to stick to his wife when we exchanged vows he then felt the elders were more important than me , well i felt like i had nowhere to go, i started going into a chat room to talk to people who wern't in the "truth" just to see if i was normal in my feelings toward my inlaws, i met a lovely man in there and we got to talking and i ended up leaving my husband for him, i told the elders exactly what i had done and i was disfellowshipped for it, yes it was hard losing the support structure of the friends who i left behind and being a good witness i had no worldly friends, but i will never be sad for the man i have in my life now and waking up to the lies and hypocrisy that i had grown up in and i know that in time i will make new friends.

perfectpie

Physically leaving was not only easy but it was natural. I left mentally well before I left physically. The hardest thing was the remanants of guilt and shame that I have been slowly sifting.

What I have tried the hardest to do is not go 180 degrees just because it was opposite of the hurtful cult.

I still think there is beauty in truth even if it is only in the pursuit of truth.

Out Pironne

Carmel

Actualy leaving was something I had looked forward to for over two years. After being baptized at age 12 I knew then it was not the "truth" so couldn't wait to get out. Leaving was not only easy but the greatest freeing experiance in my life. All my family shunned me but then I knew that would be one of the benefits. With a family of misfits, I was happy to not have to deal with them.

For cellomould, if you think an intellectual discussion is the key to dealing with JWs, you might as well give up. Most religion is not a product of the intellect, although we all want to believe that our world view is actually reality, for the most part it is an emotional attachment. Fear being one of the greatest motivating emotions, the Jws use it to get you in and to keep you afraid of leaving. Social stigmatism and mind games are simply refined emotional blackmail taught to the Jws in the Watchtower baby bottle with the friday night nipple delivering it in appropriate dosages.

carmel

KissAFish

My leaving was bittersweet.. I was so unemotionally attached to the religion, but my family were all deeply into it, excluding my brother. *We used to sit at doors he and I..for ages..making out like we were having big conversations with people, as we were door knocking... * I used to sneakily get hold of Christmas Cards for my "worldly friends", and send them off,so that part saved me, and I was quite a wild child!!! LOL....But the emotional blackmail is extremely hard.. my family * the jws* would let you come to a point , then flash in your face all of a sudden your non Jw status ..I drifted out,when I left my sisters home and moved right away.. and every time I had Elders come knocking as a routine sheeeeeeep call... I would be REALLY rude...But when my Mum became veery sick i would visit her and sit with her during chemo and came across a few JWs who would act as if i had the plague..I an say i felt sorry for them more then anything..and when Mum died I had not one Jw come up to me or my brother at her funeral..again their loss..and we just held our heads high...But as hard as it was at times..i have and will never look back.. since my brother and myself leaving..My brother in law has left and his kids and my sister is still in deep and they are divorced due to it, as she wouldnt let him live as a non Jw so she did her best to smear his name and reputation.. * to the point of lying about adultery* so this opened , yet again my eyes to the hypocrisy and non christian way of life Jws are really living...But sometimes i can fell a little odd, listening to peoples emotional battles with the WTBS,as in the doctrines.. because i hadnever believed them, but that is how different perspectives can be...

"Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and ...

castlelover

I had been slowly not going to meetings after having done so for 20 years. Then when my husband became terminally ill, I just didn't have the time. It took everything to take care of him. No witnessess helped. Then on his deathbed he was promised by a prominant elder that he would take care of his family and it was all right for him to go.

That never happened and then I wrote a letter and disassociated myself. In that letter I told them to not come see me I didn't want to talk to any of them. Imagine my surprise 7 years later when I run into this elder who by the way he says Jehovah has blessed and he says don't we know you? Shows his promise was sincere.

Thank God that I am no longer associated with the hypocrisy.

It was easy to leave and I never plan to go back and God has blessed me with a new husband and a faithful congregation at a little church in Oxford, Pa.

I have read the horror stories and am saddened by the people who have been so condemned by their families. Fortunately for me none of my family had ever become JWs and I had them to go home to.

ARIE

It wasn't easy for me to leave. I was raised as a JW from the time I was 3 until I finally left at 15. I wanted to leave but my mother wouldn't allow it, neither would the Elders. Finally after a lot of "acting up on my part" i was finally DF'd.
Truthfully, I was finally happy. Very lonely at first, because of being isolated from others my own age in school. It was difficult to go through the i thought you were a JW questions from teachers and students. Over time I made a few friends, although my mother wouldn't let me do anything on the weekends.Finally, after getting a weekend job I was able to have a social life.
It was very lonely at first though and a very difficult time for me. I didn't like be shunned by life long friends. I would smile(trying to be friendly) and they would look away. Over time(18 years) I have healed I guess.
I did leave home right after graduation from high school, as I had nothing I joined the military. Best thing I could have done.
Ironically, my mother is no longer a JW either. She moved away and dropped out of their radar. She also seems much happier.

RR

NO problem .... I just stepped down, kicked them out of the house [my home was the bookstudy/field service center] walked out and never looked back. And was never formally DF'd. They don't care, I don't care!

Was leaving easy for you?

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