Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! I wrote this letter to my dad. I'm not going to send it, but wanted to share it with people who I know will understand it.
Dear Dad,
I would wish you Happy Father's Day, if you believed in holidays. You've always tried to love me as best you know how, and I still love you very much. You've allowed your natural feelings to overcome the dictates of your religion enough to host us in your home, just as you performed our wedding with pride and admiration even as you were crushed by my decision to leave the faith.
You gave me two of the greatest assets I have: my love of learning, and my confidence in my own ability to figure out the truth no matter what anyone else is telling me. When those qualities led me away from the beliefs that you hold so dear, as sad as you were, you never disrespected or diminished my judgment. Unlike the elder I talked to, you didn't suggest that I was blinded by a desire to get away from restrictions and have fun; nor did you pull out any of the tired old doctrinal arguments that you knew I already knew. You were fully aware that you had raised a man who was capable of making his own decisions.
You also gave me some of my biggest liabilities. You taught me not to trust my feelings. You taught me that friendships with my peers didn't matter, that I should try to impose my beliefs on others, and that I should never show vulnerability or doubt. You taught me that women were irrational and should be condescended to--although I never accepted that one. And worst of all, you believed that the most important thing in the world was that I not just obey you, but think and believe the way that you did; and so you used physical discipline before I was even old enough to talk, and left me with life-long guilt and fear for even desiring to think wrong thoughts.
When I began to realize how some of your parenting had affected me, and I told you, you apologized. It was the beginning of a new relationship between us, based on mutual respect for the man you had been and the man I was becoming. But it was abruptly cut short when my growth took the one turn that you could not accept.
Even though you believe that I have gone in the path of Satan, you still respect me; and so I still respect you, even though I believe you have devoted your life to a perversion. I hope to learn from your mistakes, imitate your wisdom, and someday share your love with a child who I hope will be as happy as I know you always wanted me to be.
Love,
Dan