Plentyoffish (page 2)

moshe

and screen out incompatible people

For some reason well heeled men never have many incompatible match up issues with women.. making 1/2 the salary of your date, will become an incompatible showstopper just as soon as she figures it out--

joyfulfader

I just found this thread after a very recent incident (last night) I had with someone i met on POF. I was bombarded by messages (many inappropriate and/or vulgar) at first when I joined 3 months ago after my close friend met her hubby to be encouraged me to try. I met a great guy but red flags came up with how he handled his relationships with his ex wives and his 3 kids. I realized that as an ex jw I don't have the skills to actually speak my mind without fearing repercussions. I am very independent but just found out how much I surpress things because of my fear of confrontation and my decades of dealing with the org. The person I met ended up having viewpoints that I didn't agree with and last night I set him down to lay it out on the table. I then realized that no one who has not been a jw cannot possibly understand the guilt and fear we experience and the walls we put up. This was my first attempt at dating but now I am wondering if the numbness I have now will ever go away...can I fall in love??? He could not understand the emotional blackmail we face and that elders actually follow you at times to see what you are up to. He accused me of being paranoid and insisted that no one would shun me ESP my parents. He didn't understand how the org weaves itself into your life and extrication is an arduous journey...he was so simplistic in his way of dealing. Just leave ur family and ur teenage daughter will be fine. None of what u r saying is reality. This experience has made me realize my numbness and my current inability to feel. I think POF can be useful but explaining why you are the way u r without having experienced it as a former witness can be hurtful and detrimental to self esteem. I will no longer use dating websites. I often felt like a piece of meat. Be careful. The good ones are hard to find.

baltar447

joyfulfader, it's tough out there for people. And a single woman will get TONS of interest and it's tough to weed out the creeps/crazies/pervs. And if this guy is deluded enough to think that what you're saying isn't true, he's a close minded fool you should move on.

mamochan13

Joyfulfader, you've highlighted another danger for ex-JWs with online dating (any type, actually). If we rush into it before having a chance to heal from the JW mind control and emotional abuse, our need for acceptance and unconditional love can interfere with our good judgement.

joyfulfader

Mamochan13- you are so right. I have been mentally out for a couple of years and not attended a meeting in one year. I thought I was doing really well. Happy with myself and everything. Apparently not. Looks like I'm going back into therapy *sigh*

Cagefighter

I got three rules for internet dating-

1. I don't argue with anyone I haven't slept with under any circumstances.

2. I never date anyone that is doing "duck lips" in any of their pictures.

3. Check her medicine cabinet and write down the names of all the drugs the first chance you get and google them to see what they are for.

baltar447

Wow cagefighter you must be popular with the ladies digging through their medicine cabinet and all!

bigmac

i met my most recent lover off POF a year ago. we had 11 wonderful months together. sadly--her visa expired & she had to return home--to the other side of the world--a month ago.

Cagefighter

I am not bragging but it is rather easy to get laid on POF if you put in the time. A lot of women rebounding, or going through a manic phase will jump on there looking for "companionship" even if their profile says a bunch of other junk.

I have met some cool people, but just as many crazies as well. It just isn't worth it in the end for me. I rather know the crazy I am getting into than deal with the crazy I know nothing about.

whathappened

I am currenty on POF and have had no luck in a year and a half. I have found a lot of married men, alcoholics and men who are "damaged goods." Most of them have had their hearts broken, cheated on, etc. They are still carrying a lot of hurt around.

I am good at sizing people up in person and usually ask to meet right away. I have spent many precious hours emailing these gentlemen only to find that in person there is no chemistry there at all and what they acted like in print was not what and who they really are.

Dating at 58 is difficult because everyone has their own house and doesn't really want to change their lives for anyone else. It's a challenge, to say the least.

Plentyoffish

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