What happened to politeness?

by Seeker 101 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Seeker

  Twice in the past week, from two different posters, I have been called an "asshole." In both cases, the person made an assumption about me based on something that was said in a thread. In both cases, I responded by saying I disagreed with their characterization and explained why. Without being insulting back.

  Now, the second of the two cases just happened, so I will ignore that for now. But in the first case, the person who insulted me never responded to what I said to them. They just ignored me, didn't try to explain their outburst of anger, didn't defend their actions, didn't apologize, nothing. Hit-and-run insults, I guess.

  Now I'm a big boy and I don't mind being called an asshole when I deserve it. But what happened to politeness? If you insult someone, should you say something when that person responds calmly? Shouldn't you defend your insults, or else apologize for your insults if the person convinces you your anger wasn't justified after all?

  Is it unmanly or something to defend your words when called on them? I was taught that in a discussion it's fine to disagree on the ideas without resorting to personal attacks. And if anger gets the best of you momentarily, you apologize later when you feel better. And if you were right to be insulting, that you explain why you did act that way. But silence? Just walking away? No, that's rude.
• 

  ChuckD

  People's behavior online is far different than it would be in a face-to-face setting. This is especially true when those involved are not even known to each other by name. I seriously doubt that even the most flame-prone poster would behave in any such manner in a real-life situation.
• 

  VioletAnai

  I always strive to be polite darl...I think it's a dying art.

  Please pull me up if eva you think I'm being a rude s.o.b...and I'll endeavour to rectify...we're not all bad here. Some are rather more opinionated than others and feel passionate, don't like anyone stepping on their toes or egos.

  You've been a BAD boy, go to MY room

  Fingers....keep up will ya! Jeez!
• 

  Mindchild

  It would be nice Seeker if people were more considerate and at least some try to be until someone presses an emotional hot button, then all hell breaks loose.

  Have you ever noticed though that surfing these posts is a lot like driving and that most people you see on the road fall into two catagories: idiots and assholes? I guess some of that falls over into cyberspace as well

  Ok, I promise not to flip anyone the bird today

  Skipper
• 

  teejay

  Seeker,

  I believe we (you and I and the board in general) have covered this ground before. Some time back (with respect to someone you know in real life) you mentioned one possibility to the lack of civility: double personas – one online, the other "real."

  Then there's the matter of anonymity. Like when people flip the bird when on the freeway - no expectation of having to back up their actions or, in the case of online discussion boards, their words. Just a reflection of who people really are.
• 

  Dino

  Hi Seeker.
  One thing that I admire about you is that you dont attack the person, just the viewpoint. Since this a discussion forum, that is perfectly alright,IMO. I havent checked in the last few days and I dont know of the instances that you are referring to, however know this, your politeness is appreciated.

  Dino
• 

  Xena

  Maybe they just haven't had an opportunity to get back with you yet Seeker....

  Maybe they will address the issue later or in a private email....

  I have walked away from people before because I didn't want to start a flame war...but I don't see that being the case here (I went looking for the thread).

  I do agree with Chuck though, people say things online that they would never say to someone's face. Amazing how manners go out the window when you no longer feel accountable for the things you say.

  Anyway I don't think you are an asshole...anymore lol just kidding I never did think you were one! Like others have said, you are always polite and you address the issues and not the people.
• 

  Valentine

  Dear Seeker,
  What happened to politeness????
  In my asking for help thread,see refiners fool who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to kick someone when they're down. That will answer your question. Of course he shares that inhumanity w/pricka larc and ma. but thats ok. They don't even realize the respect they lost among many here. T

  Todays Affirmation:
  The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
• 

  think41self

  Hi Seeker

  Some people just have little or no Klass, if you know what I mean.

  It's that way in real life, so of course it's that way here. It's ok though, classy people stand on their own.

  think41self

  If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!
• 

  Seeker

  For those of you who might be clicking on my recent-posts-threads to figure out who I am referring to, please remember that I am exempting today's occurrence as it was too recent to expect a response. No, the one I focused on in the post that began this thread is one that happened long enough ago that it isn't even on the first page of threads where I posted, as it happened days ago. Long enough for the person to respond.

  What was particularly interesting in that case is I got flamed for what someone else said to me, not anything I said! Irrational stuff.

  And yes, I am well aware that people act differently online than they would face to face. But the question of this thread is solely about online behavior. Even online there are certain rules of politeness that should be followed for a civilized flow of ideas.

  Thanks for the comments.