Missing family dearly

Freeof1914

Hey people it's been a tough couple of weeks for me, my wife and I have seperated I expected this, but it has been much more difficult than expected. My family has gotten a million times more distant because of my inactive status and questioning ofthe org. I do have wordy friends but still feel pretty bad being alone I have even contemplated returning to meetings for the sole purpose of not losing y family and life, but I cannot fathom the thought of bowing down to their rules and sacrificing my own integrity. Guess I just kind of need some support tonight.

GeneM

I wrote my letter checking out and kept my integrity. I lost everything. The first few months I wanted to die. Now my life has never ever ever been better. Hang in there, hold your head high.

Found Sheep

It's hard some days. Had a bad "miss my brother" few days this week. I thing the child abuse talk got ALL the pain JW's caused me to turn RAW!!!

It does get better. It will! Life is good and there are many good people out there that will in time fill the gaps. Don't give up!

FS

finally awake

I'm sorry it's going so rough for you right now. It stinks to lose your family and friends for nothing.

Kojack57

Free: Dont revert back to slavery. I've not been to a meeting in 9 years and even though I was a former elder I knew that leaving was the right thing to do. So much hypocrisy that exist in this man made organization. It is very hard to cope but please do more research jw facts.com and read Ray Franz books COC and in search for Christian freedom.

I was always worried that I never did enough because that was what I heard from the platform. It's hard but we are here for you. I was fading and never asked questions until a ex-bethelite helped me to think about the organization. His experiences helped me due to the hypocrisy he had seen in bethel.

There is so much information that it will overwhelm you but study,read, and learn. Do not give up.

Kojack

notjustyet

Keep fighting the fight for what you know is right!!

You would be miserable going back to something that you know is a lie, not a easy choice but it is the best in the long run.

If you did go back, you would more than likely end up at this same spot in the future, after even more heartache.

Hang in there.

NJY

AGuest

I had a couple surgeries last year, dear Free (peace to you!). Both pretty major, one major, major. The lesser one, however, hurt 10 times more. My shoulder had been hurting me for YEARS. Had it checked out... kept being told it would resolve, maybe I'd injured it, sore muscle, strained ligament, etc. Was given all kinds of middleweight drugs to deal with it: Flexeril (which I couldn't take), cortisone shots (did nothing), lidocaine patches (still have those)... lidocaine injections (which did work but only for 5-8 hours... then pain back with a vengeance). Two inconclusive MRIs later (one quite painful as it involved injecting die), doctor says nothing left to do but operate. Well, by this time I couldn't even raise my arm to brush my own teeth or wash/comb my hair (hubby had to do it, which was... well, embarassing doesn't describe it!). So, surgery.

Come to find out it wasn't a strain or sprain... or all in my head: it was a huge bone spur that had almost complete severed my bicep tendon. Nothing but a few threads left so it couldn't be repaired. They shaved down the bone... and trimmed back the ligament. A day later, I went home.

And then the REAL pain began. Oh... my... god. I've given birth to two children and nothing... not even the aftermath of the major, major surgery could compare with this. Because... I couldn't take the pain meds - my body couldn't handle the narcotics (Vicodin, Norco, Tylenol 3's, Oxycontin). So, for the first 2-3 weeks I had to recover... with no paid meds. At some point (after several days in a fetal position, crying to my husband, "I can't take this kind of pain! Shoot me now!"), I began taking bits of the Oxycontin (good stuff, that!) just to take the edge off.

Okay, so what... what is this all about? I like to think it's about what you're going through:

My initial pain is perhaps similar to the "pain" you experienced while in the Borg. It just got worse and worse, until you couldn't function. So, you needed to do something. My surgery is perhaps similar to what you did: cut off the part causing the pain (the WTBTS). And now... you're post-"surgery"... without a lot of pain killers to help you through... except maybe a few friends, sites like this, etc. Little bits of "narcotic."

But here's the GOOD news: the major pain began to subside after about 6-8 weeks. Now, 9 months later... I not only have absolutely NO pain... but I have more strength in my arm that I remember having since I was in my 20s!! In fact, my doctor said Bret Favre had the same surgery as I and afterward threw the ball better than he ever had!

And how does that part relate to you? This: in time not only will your pain pass... but you will feel better perhaps than you ever have... or at least better than you have in years!!

My point is (and I'm sorry for taking so long to get to it, but I'm verbose like that): try looking at your pain as something you might experience after a very necessary surgery. Tell yourself that there is a healing period during you may have limited use of the part in question, but it WILL heal and be better than ever. Allow yourself to utilize a little bit of pain killer (i.e., visit here, with friends, acknowledge your pain, etc., and NOT alcohol, drugs, etc.) when you need to, but manage your pain so that you don't become totally dependent. Live life in the meantime.

And before you know it... viola! You won't even remember what it "hurt" like!

Again, my apologies for the long response, but if it helps you cope, then it was worth it!

Peace... and happy and rapid "healing" to you!

A slave of Christ,

SA

Adumbra

You have my sympathy. I'm grateful to have gotten out before I started a family, but it was still an ordeal even then. I can only imagine what it must be like to loose a wife too (any children?).

I have even contemplated returning to meetings for the sole purpose of not losing y family and life, but I cannot fathom the thought of bowing down to their rules and sacrificing my own integrity.

Integrity can have different layers of meaning. I think real integrity is being honest with yourself, not necessarily with others. I'm going to play Devil's advocate here and suggest that a false repentance for the sake of seeing your family again might not be a bad choice. God knows I've often wondered what could have been if I had swollowed my pride and returned to the fold when doing so would have been credible. True, I've made friends since my departure from the organization. But I could have just as easily stayed in the Watchtower, kept my JW friends, and also made friends 'in the world' to boot.

Well, whatever you decide, good luck to you. If you still believe in God, may he guide your way.

Lozhasleft

I remember that awful feeling of 'aloneness' - horrible. It does ease up and it does get better, I promise. As you gradually adjust to 'normal' life and form unconditional relationships you will begin to see it was indeed worth the pain. Muster all the support you can get and keep going on your journey to real freedom!

Loz x

Black Sheep

If you still want to have a family when you leave this cult, you have to push them out the door before you lose your 'good standing' status.

You might get away with getting them to feel guilty that they stay with the cult, but that is easier if you forgot to get baptised.

Missing family dearly

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